(no subject)
oh work has been very intense recently. My move to the shared office has vastly increased my productivity (surprise surprise! No Icanhazcheezburger/knit blogs/ facebook = more work) and has at the same time increased my self-worth. Oops, who knew? Apparently when I acheive things, I feel good about myself.
I've also been suffering very strongly from imposter syndrome, probably brought on by the looming first assessments EVAH! Despite my own knowledge of my work, and the number of hats I wear, I still feel like someone might notice that I'm disorganised, or forgetful, or internetaddicted. . . Wait, considering that they know me, and I have worked for them for years, it's just possible they might know the first two, and I'm still concealing the third as much as I can. They might realise that I'm just here cos I love animals and conservation, and that I am not a master statistician. OK, STOP.
I've had the assessment, and it was actually fun! It was with one of the partners, and was a relaxed chat, over tea, and I had my list, and she had hers, and I managed to list my problems, and ask for more money without collapsing in tears, or slagging off my colleagues. This is an achievement. I feel slightly drunk, and I'm only on my third cup of tea of the day.
I wonder if everyone feels the same pressure? Do you worry that you might get found out at any moment? Do you go back and forth like I do, where I alternate between being secure and OMG they'll notice. I know sometimes my confidence is strong when totally unwarranted, and my fear particularly strong when it's something I'm used to doing. Brain! Stop being silly!
I'd wonder if it's a gender issue, particularly as my field is quite male dominated, but I know that my brother and my dad both suffer from it to. I do think a small amount of self-doubt is healthy, but this carries guilt and fear with it too, and those are poisonous things. I think I'm going to attempt to work much harder at appreciating face value. They ask me to do stuff because I'm good at it, because they think I can do it, so instead of worrying, I should just get on with it. That shall be my mantra.
N.
I've also been suffering very strongly from imposter syndrome, probably brought on by the looming first assessments EVAH! Despite my own knowledge of my work, and the number of hats I wear, I still feel like someone might notice that I'm disorganised, or forgetful, or internetaddicted. . . Wait, considering that they know me, and I have worked for them for years, it's just possible they might know the first two, and I'm still concealing the third as much as I can. They might realise that I'm just here cos I love animals and conservation, and that I am not a master statistician. OK, STOP.
I've had the assessment, and it was actually fun! It was with one of the partners, and was a relaxed chat, over tea, and I had my list, and she had hers, and I managed to list my problems, and ask for more money without collapsing in tears, or slagging off my colleagues. This is an achievement. I feel slightly drunk, and I'm only on my third cup of tea of the day.
I wonder if everyone feels the same pressure? Do you worry that you might get found out at any moment? Do you go back and forth like I do, where I alternate between being secure and OMG they'll notice. I know sometimes my confidence is strong when totally unwarranted, and my fear particularly strong when it's something I'm used to doing. Brain! Stop being silly!
I'd wonder if it's a gender issue, particularly as my field is quite male dominated, but I know that my brother and my dad both suffer from it to. I do think a small amount of self-doubt is healthy, but this carries guilt and fear with it too, and those are poisonous things. I think I'm going to attempt to work much harder at appreciating face value. They ask me to do stuff because I'm good at it, because they think I can do it, so instead of worrying, I should just get on with it. That shall be my mantra.
N.