Chris'll Show 'Em. He'll Show All of 'Em
Title: Chris’ll Show ‘Em. He’ll Show All of ‘Em.
Author: nancygrew
Rating: G
Disclaimer: characters belong to ATWT
Notes: Written for last week’s Fun Fic Friday prompt “Anything you can do, I can do better” on LURE_ATWT. You do not have to read my other fic in order to understand this one. No interaction between Luke and Reid. Takes place late May, 2011.
Warning: Chris-bashing. So much Chris-bashing that it may be considered crack-fic.
Summary: Chris wakes up in a bad mood.
Chris groaned as the alarm blared He really didn’t want to go into work today. Or possibly ever again. Today was going to be Duke Kramer’s first official day as Chief of Pediatrics. It was an unbearable humiliation to have lost not only the Chief of Staff job to that egomaniac Reid Oliver but the Chief of Pediatrics job to John Dixon’s son as well. And everyone was snickering behind his back. Hell, Susan Stewart was snickering in front of him. She’d never liked him.
Chris showered and headed to the kitchen where his wife was sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee.
“Good morning,” smiled Katie. “There’s fresh coffee on.”
Chris grunted his acknowledgement.
“Why are you Mr. Cranky today?” asked Katie.
Chris stared at her in disbelief. “Today is Kramer’s first day as Chief of Peds.”
Katie got up to stand beside Chris while he poured himself coffee. She patted his arm consolingly which served to annoy Chris even more.
“Not getting the Chief of Peds job isn’t the end of the world, sweetie,” murmured Katie. “You’re a wonderful doctor and your future is bright.”
“You don’t understand,” muttered Chris.
“I understand that you’re disappointed----”
“Look, you don’t understand what it’s like to not be appreciated the way you deserve to be at work,” interrupted Chris. “Heck, you just got a promotion to associate producer on your show because of how much my mom likes you.”
“Excuse me?!?” huffed Katie. “I got that job on my merits!”
“Let’s face it,” snapped Chris. “After the whole Endicott Awards fiasco, you’re lucky to have a job in broadcasting at all. You confessed to faking having a stalker and letting me be blamed for being your imaginary stalker.”
“Well, maybe after your whole sexual harassment and perjury thing, you’re lucky to have a job at Oakdale Memorial at all,” sneered Katie.
“Everyone knows you knew Rose D’Angelo was impersonating Lily Snyder and you kept it a secret,” one-upped Chris.
“You hired the murderous Evan Walsh IV when you were acting as Chief of Staff when your dad was in a coma,” one-upped Katie.
“Everyone knows that you used dirty tricks to steal Molly Conlan’s job,” hissed Chris.
“You burned down a church!” said Katie triumphantly.
Chris didn’t really have a comeback for that one.
Katie shot Chris a dirty look. “I need to go get Jacob ready for pre-school. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass. Let it hit you in the face, please.”
Chris scowled as Katie exited the kitchen. He sighed. He poured his coffee into the sink and headed off to work.
Chris arrived at work to find that one of his patients, Mickey Silva, was being treated by Kramer. Chris resented that Kramer was treating one of his patients. The toddler was seated on an exam table and crying. Duke was standing in front of Mickey quietly asking questions. Chris rolled his eyes. It was obvious to him that Mickey needed a comforting hug. Chris decided that he was going to show Duke how a caring pediatrician treated sick children.
“Hey, kiddo,” said Chris as he picked Mickey up in his arms. Mickey vomited. A lot. Possibly gallons. All over Chris.
“I bet you’re feeling lots better without all that gross stuff in your belly, aren’t you, Mickey?” asked Kramer.
Mickey smiled sweetly and held his arms out to Kramer. Kramer gingerly lifted Mickey from Chris’ arms and placed him back on the exam table and continued his examination. Chris slunk out of the exam room to take his second shower of the day.
When it was time for lunch, Chris headed to the hospital cafeteria. As he paid for his lunch, he noticed his father sitting at a table with Leland Pierce and Luke Snyder. Chris used to think that Luke was a nice kid that was in over his head with his asshole boyfriend. But it turned out that Luke was just a big an asshole as Oliver. Luke was just stealthier about it.
Chris decided that it would be a good idea to turn on the charm with Leland. After all, when Kramer eventually revealed that he wasn’t ‘all that and a bag of chips’, Chris would need allies on the Board to assist him in a Chief of Peds coup. Or a Chief of Staff coup when Oliver was inevitably revealed to be Beelzebub.
“Good afternoon,” greeted Chris. “Do you mind if I join you?”
“Chris!” greeted Bob Hughes happily. His dad was so good at pretending to be a loving, supportive dad whenever there were people around. But Chris wouldn’t forget that his dad hadn’t taken his side while he was competing with Oliver for the Chief of Staff position. But Chris smiled. He could play politics just as well as the next guy.
“Dad!” Chris smiled. “Leland, Luke.”
Leland smiled at Chris. Chris was glad that he had at least one ally on the hospital board.
Chris sat down with the other three men. He bided his time until there was a short lull in the conversation.
“Leland, I wanted to speak to you about the plans that Kramer’s making about a future pediatrics wing,” began Chris.
“Chris, maybe it would be more appropriate for you to speak with Duke about your ideas instead of a board member,” frowned Bob. Chris hated it when his dad got all ‘lecture-y’.
“Actually, I’m a little concerned that Kramer isn’t going to be open to suggestions from anyone. He doesn’t have a reputation for working well with others. He reminds me of another doctor around here,” offered Chris. He waited for Luke to come to the defense of his boyfriend.
“Duke’s already working on scheduling a series of meetings with various groups of people before they even get started on making any major plans on the pediatrics wings. He realizes that the pediatrics wing is going to be the next project after the neurowing,” advised Leland. Chris wondered if he detected a little snippiness in Leland’s voice. Had Kramer somehow ‘seduced’ Leland into his corner?
“Well, I overheard Kramer discussing possibly changing our pediatric equipment suppliers,” said Chris. “I did a lot of research when I was Chief of Staff and PediAffordability was the best choice of suppliers.”
“The Pediatric Device Association recently came out with a study indicating that PediAffordability had a higher percentage of recalls than other national pediatric equipment suppliers,” said Luke.
Chris was more annoyed than words could ever possibly convey. Why, oh why, was Satan’s boyfriend butting into his business? “I’m pretty sure you’re mistaken.”
“I’m positive I’m not,” shrugged Luke casually. “Duke was over at our place for dinner the other night and I had to listen to way more discussion about medical equipment than was pleasurable for me. I’m pretty sure there were times that Duke and Reid were speaking gibberish and were just toying with me.”
Chris vibrated with anger. Great. Now Kramer, Satan and Satan’s boyfriend were all hanging out together being buddies.
“You weren’t aware of this study?” Leland asked Chris with a frown.
Chris pretended that his pager was vibrating and excused himself from the table.
Later, Chris was sitting in one of the break rooms, strenuously ignoring Reid who was sitting at another table reading medical charts. Chris waited for Reid to address him so that he could lay some zingers on him. Maybe Chris would bring up the fact that Reid didn’t have any friends.
Chris looked up when he heard Dr. Grant walk into the room and say, “Oh, I’m so glad you’re in here. I was looking for you to ask for some relationship advice.”
Chris was shocked when Dr. Grant sat down at Reid’s table.
“Wait, what? You want to ask me relationship advice?” asked a befuddled Reid.
Dr. Grant rolled his eyes. “You have the best romantic relationship of anyone I know. And I could use some pointers.”
Chris was annoyed. He and Katie had a great relationship. Most of the time. Sometimes.
“Well, I always think lots of gay sex is beneficial to relationships,” replied Reid.
“Yeah, my girlfriend probably wouldn’t be into me having gay sex,” answered Dr. Grant.
“Then, sorry. You’re on your own,” said Reid. “Now go away.”
Chris was as surprised as Reid when Dr. Grant sat down across from him.
“You’re rude and arrogant and work insane hours,” began Dr. Grant.
“I’m suddenly wondering if I can set up some sort of doctor exchange program where I can send you to North Korea,” murmured an amused-sounding Reid.
“But your boyfriend always looks thrilled to see you,” said Dr. Grant. “I’m much nicer than you but my girlfriend usually seems to be about one minute from bashing me over the head with a rolling pin.”
“You should probably get rid of any and all rolling pins in your house,” advised Reid.
“Our anniversary is coming up. I need help,” pleaded Dr. Grant.
Reid shrugged uncomfortably. “Maybe you should talk to Luke. He’s much better at the relationship stuff than I am. He’s good at all that romance crap. He leaves little love notes for me on the refrigerator and always remembers to put the lid back on the toothpaste even though he was raised in a household where they didn’t stress the importance of toothpaste caps.”
“Romance crap,” muttered Chris under his breath. Reid was lucky he even had a boyfriend.
“I think I’ve got the romance part covered,” said Dr. Grant. “I need suggestions on the ‘real’ part of a relationship. Tell me some things that you do that make Luke happy.”
Reid smirked.
Dr. Grant laughed. “Not that part either. I’m good at that part. Real good.”
Reid shifted uncomfortably. “In the interests of full disclosure, I should let you know that I’m still an idiot when it comes to relationships other than the ‘Luke and me’ relationship.”
“I’m not asking for a written guarantee or anything.”
“I make sure that Luke knows that I like him better than anyone else in the world. I remember to tell him that I love him and to even occasionally tell him why. When we argue, we don’t let it get mean. We make sure to schedule time together. There’s no ‘trick’ to our relationship. We just . . . work.”
“I guess that’s all pretty obvious stuff. I was hoping there was some kind of magical relationship trick that you could teach me, sensei,” sighed Dr. Grant.
“I did leave out one thing, Grasshopper,” said Reid. “You should probably refrain from telling your girlfriend that her parents are idiots. That always seems to start an argument.”
Chris got up and walked out of the break room. He was so sick of Reid Oliver. And Duke Kramer. And Luke Snyder. And Katie. The only person who ever really understood him was Allison Stewart. Maybe he’d call her. Just to talk. Nothing else.
Author's notes: If I'm going to be fair, I should probably mention that Chris was a little kid when he accidentally burned down a church. And it might have turned out that it was faulty wiring or something instead of really his fault but that part is blurry to me. Here's some clips from the Endicott Awards: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B3MfvcH0G8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijHrBwV2bYY&feature=relmfu Note that Katie was trying to get into Luke's dad's pants.
Author: nancygrew
Rating: G
Disclaimer: characters belong to ATWT
Notes: Written for last week’s Fun Fic Friday prompt “Anything you can do, I can do better” on LURE_ATWT. You do not have to read my other fic in order to understand this one. No interaction between Luke and Reid. Takes place late May, 2011.
Warning: Chris-bashing. So much Chris-bashing that it may be considered crack-fic.
Summary: Chris wakes up in a bad mood.
Chris groaned as the alarm blared He really didn’t want to go into work today. Or possibly ever again. Today was going to be Duke Kramer’s first official day as Chief of Pediatrics. It was an unbearable humiliation to have lost not only the Chief of Staff job to that egomaniac Reid Oliver but the Chief of Pediatrics job to John Dixon’s son as well. And everyone was snickering behind his back. Hell, Susan Stewart was snickering in front of him. She’d never liked him.
Chris showered and headed to the kitchen where his wife was sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee.
“Good morning,” smiled Katie. “There’s fresh coffee on.”
Chris grunted his acknowledgement.
“Why are you Mr. Cranky today?” asked Katie.
Chris stared at her in disbelief. “Today is Kramer’s first day as Chief of Peds.”
Katie got up to stand beside Chris while he poured himself coffee. She patted his arm consolingly which served to annoy Chris even more.
“Not getting the Chief of Peds job isn’t the end of the world, sweetie,” murmured Katie. “You’re a wonderful doctor and your future is bright.”
“You don’t understand,” muttered Chris.
“I understand that you’re disappointed----”
“Look, you don’t understand what it’s like to not be appreciated the way you deserve to be at work,” interrupted Chris. “Heck, you just got a promotion to associate producer on your show because of how much my mom likes you.”
“Excuse me?!?” huffed Katie. “I got that job on my merits!”
“Let’s face it,” snapped Chris. “After the whole Endicott Awards fiasco, you’re lucky to have a job in broadcasting at all. You confessed to faking having a stalker and letting me be blamed for being your imaginary stalker.”
“Well, maybe after your whole sexual harassment and perjury thing, you’re lucky to have a job at Oakdale Memorial at all,” sneered Katie.
“Everyone knows you knew Rose D’Angelo was impersonating Lily Snyder and you kept it a secret,” one-upped Chris.
“You hired the murderous Evan Walsh IV when you were acting as Chief of Staff when your dad was in a coma,” one-upped Katie.
“Everyone knows that you used dirty tricks to steal Molly Conlan’s job,” hissed Chris.
“You burned down a church!” said Katie triumphantly.
Chris didn’t really have a comeback for that one.
Katie shot Chris a dirty look. “I need to go get Jacob ready for pre-school. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass. Let it hit you in the face, please.”
Chris scowled as Katie exited the kitchen. He sighed. He poured his coffee into the sink and headed off to work.
Chris arrived at work to find that one of his patients, Mickey Silva, was being treated by Kramer. Chris resented that Kramer was treating one of his patients. The toddler was seated on an exam table and crying. Duke was standing in front of Mickey quietly asking questions. Chris rolled his eyes. It was obvious to him that Mickey needed a comforting hug. Chris decided that he was going to show Duke how a caring pediatrician treated sick children.
“Hey, kiddo,” said Chris as he picked Mickey up in his arms. Mickey vomited. A lot. Possibly gallons. All over Chris.
“I bet you’re feeling lots better without all that gross stuff in your belly, aren’t you, Mickey?” asked Kramer.
Mickey smiled sweetly and held his arms out to Kramer. Kramer gingerly lifted Mickey from Chris’ arms and placed him back on the exam table and continued his examination. Chris slunk out of the exam room to take his second shower of the day.
When it was time for lunch, Chris headed to the hospital cafeteria. As he paid for his lunch, he noticed his father sitting at a table with Leland Pierce and Luke Snyder. Chris used to think that Luke was a nice kid that was in over his head with his asshole boyfriend. But it turned out that Luke was just a big an asshole as Oliver. Luke was just stealthier about it.
Chris decided that it would be a good idea to turn on the charm with Leland. After all, when Kramer eventually revealed that he wasn’t ‘all that and a bag of chips’, Chris would need allies on the Board to assist him in a Chief of Peds coup. Or a Chief of Staff coup when Oliver was inevitably revealed to be Beelzebub.
“Good afternoon,” greeted Chris. “Do you mind if I join you?”
“Chris!” greeted Bob Hughes happily. His dad was so good at pretending to be a loving, supportive dad whenever there were people around. But Chris wouldn’t forget that his dad hadn’t taken his side while he was competing with Oliver for the Chief of Staff position. But Chris smiled. He could play politics just as well as the next guy.
“Dad!” Chris smiled. “Leland, Luke.”
Leland smiled at Chris. Chris was glad that he had at least one ally on the hospital board.
Chris sat down with the other three men. He bided his time until there was a short lull in the conversation.
“Leland, I wanted to speak to you about the plans that Kramer’s making about a future pediatrics wing,” began Chris.
“Chris, maybe it would be more appropriate for you to speak with Duke about your ideas instead of a board member,” frowned Bob. Chris hated it when his dad got all ‘lecture-y’.
“Actually, I’m a little concerned that Kramer isn’t going to be open to suggestions from anyone. He doesn’t have a reputation for working well with others. He reminds me of another doctor around here,” offered Chris. He waited for Luke to come to the defense of his boyfriend.
“Duke’s already working on scheduling a series of meetings with various groups of people before they even get started on making any major plans on the pediatrics wings. He realizes that the pediatrics wing is going to be the next project after the neurowing,” advised Leland. Chris wondered if he detected a little snippiness in Leland’s voice. Had Kramer somehow ‘seduced’ Leland into his corner?
“Well, I overheard Kramer discussing possibly changing our pediatric equipment suppliers,” said Chris. “I did a lot of research when I was Chief of Staff and PediAffordability was the best choice of suppliers.”
“The Pediatric Device Association recently came out with a study indicating that PediAffordability had a higher percentage of recalls than other national pediatric equipment suppliers,” said Luke.
Chris was more annoyed than words could ever possibly convey. Why, oh why, was Satan’s boyfriend butting into his business? “I’m pretty sure you’re mistaken.”
“I’m positive I’m not,” shrugged Luke casually. “Duke was over at our place for dinner the other night and I had to listen to way more discussion about medical equipment than was pleasurable for me. I’m pretty sure there were times that Duke and Reid were speaking gibberish and were just toying with me.”
Chris vibrated with anger. Great. Now Kramer, Satan and Satan’s boyfriend were all hanging out together being buddies.
“You weren’t aware of this study?” Leland asked Chris with a frown.
Chris pretended that his pager was vibrating and excused himself from the table.
Later, Chris was sitting in one of the break rooms, strenuously ignoring Reid who was sitting at another table reading medical charts. Chris waited for Reid to address him so that he could lay some zingers on him. Maybe Chris would bring up the fact that Reid didn’t have any friends.
Chris looked up when he heard Dr. Grant walk into the room and say, “Oh, I’m so glad you’re in here. I was looking for you to ask for some relationship advice.”
Chris was shocked when Dr. Grant sat down at Reid’s table.
“Wait, what? You want to ask me relationship advice?” asked a befuddled Reid.
Dr. Grant rolled his eyes. “You have the best romantic relationship of anyone I know. And I could use some pointers.”
Chris was annoyed. He and Katie had a great relationship. Most of the time. Sometimes.
“Well, I always think lots of gay sex is beneficial to relationships,” replied Reid.
“Yeah, my girlfriend probably wouldn’t be into me having gay sex,” answered Dr. Grant.
“Then, sorry. You’re on your own,” said Reid. “Now go away.”
Chris was as surprised as Reid when Dr. Grant sat down across from him.
“You’re rude and arrogant and work insane hours,” began Dr. Grant.
“I’m suddenly wondering if I can set up some sort of doctor exchange program where I can send you to North Korea,” murmured an amused-sounding Reid.
“But your boyfriend always looks thrilled to see you,” said Dr. Grant. “I’m much nicer than you but my girlfriend usually seems to be about one minute from bashing me over the head with a rolling pin.”
“You should probably get rid of any and all rolling pins in your house,” advised Reid.
“Our anniversary is coming up. I need help,” pleaded Dr. Grant.
Reid shrugged uncomfortably. “Maybe you should talk to Luke. He’s much better at the relationship stuff than I am. He’s good at all that romance crap. He leaves little love notes for me on the refrigerator and always remembers to put the lid back on the toothpaste even though he was raised in a household where they didn’t stress the importance of toothpaste caps.”
“Romance crap,” muttered Chris under his breath. Reid was lucky he even had a boyfriend.
“I think I’ve got the romance part covered,” said Dr. Grant. “I need suggestions on the ‘real’ part of a relationship. Tell me some things that you do that make Luke happy.”
Reid smirked.
Dr. Grant laughed. “Not that part either. I’m good at that part. Real good.”
Reid shifted uncomfortably. “In the interests of full disclosure, I should let you know that I’m still an idiot when it comes to relationships other than the ‘Luke and me’ relationship.”
“I’m not asking for a written guarantee or anything.”
“I make sure that Luke knows that I like him better than anyone else in the world. I remember to tell him that I love him and to even occasionally tell him why. When we argue, we don’t let it get mean. We make sure to schedule time together. There’s no ‘trick’ to our relationship. We just . . . work.”
“I guess that’s all pretty obvious stuff. I was hoping there was some kind of magical relationship trick that you could teach me, sensei,” sighed Dr. Grant.
“I did leave out one thing, Grasshopper,” said Reid. “You should probably refrain from telling your girlfriend that her parents are idiots. That always seems to start an argument.”
Chris got up and walked out of the break room. He was so sick of Reid Oliver. And Duke Kramer. And Luke Snyder. And Katie. The only person who ever really understood him was Allison Stewart. Maybe he’d call her. Just to talk. Nothing else.
Author's notes: If I'm going to be fair, I should probably mention that Chris was a little kid when he accidentally burned down a church. And it might have turned out that it was faulty wiring or something instead of really his fault but that part is blurry to me. Here's some clips from the Endicott Awards: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B3MfvcH0G8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijHrBwV2bYY&feature=relmfu Note that Katie was trying to get into Luke's dad's pants.