i love it when everything turns upside down whe it was starting to make sense
i take just about everything i said about him in the last post. so this is to you.
your probably wondering if i am mad. the answer is no. mad does not cover it. i am humiliated like i have never been before in my life. contrary to popular belief, i am not that outgoing when it comes to guys, so opening up like that last night and putting myself out there so much took an amount of courage you've only dreamed about. because i told myself that i was just going to be honest. i was going to be brave. maybe it would help out. but i was more wrong then i ever could have imagined. because i was led to believe something totally different from what you were actually thinking, apparently. as anyone would, i felt hope when you apologized for being a bad whatever-you-are. i felt hope when you said that your feelings had not changed. but obviously my hope was just deception. i mean, what is wrong with you? what goes on in your fucking idiotic excuse for a brain that tells you to tell me those things? was it just to fuck with me? was it because you don't have an ounce of integrity in you body? or was it because you are a bonafide ass hole?
the answer is d) all of the above.
ive told you this before; im not looking for a boyfriend at the moment. but jesus christ, at least treat me fairly. because making me wait for three and some months, sitting around, patient, going along with your pace as patiently as i could at my expense, was not fair. it wasn't even decent. and im sick of it. im sick of sitting here waiting for you to be in the mood to be interested while i torture myself with your misleading signs and suggestions. all that waiting, all those rejections, big and small, have taken a toll on me. i am not invincible. things like that dont just bounce off me like you mistakenly assume they do. i am not made of steel. i am just a girl.
what did i do exactly? what did i do for you to suddenly decide that im not worth the nonexistent effort and humiliate me like that? was it because once or twice i got upset and decided to share my thoughts and feelings? to let you know that, yes, i am human, i do have feelings? and they werent even that bad. actually, id go as far to say that they were down right reasonable after three months of neglect. so dont paint me a drama queen for feeling pain. if you want an apology for my feelings, you're not going to hear one.
the thing is you dont want to try. you dont want to put any effort into shit. and you are being a selfish prick for expecting me to. it only confirms that this whole time you didnt even care at all. but thats fine. i dont need you anyway.
so im done. i dont need this shit and you need to realize that im not here for your periodic entertainment. so no. we are not "chillin". we are not even talking right now. you've wasted so much time these past three months, and you decide now that your not into it? that it isnt worth your precious time? well i could have made that easier for you a long time ago. no it isnt worth it. and its a general fuck up and lack of moral integrity on your part to let this go on for so long and let me hurt this much because you dont have enough fucking courage to tell me the truth.
so thanks for wasting my time. its been a pleasure.
if you want to actually try and repair this or make any sort of effort at all, man up and actually do it and don't wait three and half months to make a decision. because then ill just laugh at your face.
otherwise, go fuck yourself. because it not like your going to find anyone else, anyway.
your probably wondering if i am mad. the answer is no. mad does not cover it. i am humiliated like i have never been before in my life. contrary to popular belief, i am not that outgoing when it comes to guys, so opening up like that last night and putting myself out there so much took an amount of courage you've only dreamed about. because i told myself that i was just going to be honest. i was going to be brave. maybe it would help out. but i was more wrong then i ever could have imagined. because i was led to believe something totally different from what you were actually thinking, apparently. as anyone would, i felt hope when you apologized for being a bad whatever-you-are. i felt hope when you said that your feelings had not changed. but obviously my hope was just deception. i mean, what is wrong with you? what goes on in your fucking idiotic excuse for a brain that tells you to tell me those things? was it just to fuck with me? was it because you don't have an ounce of integrity in you body? or was it because you are a bonafide ass hole?
the answer is d) all of the above.
ive told you this before; im not looking for a boyfriend at the moment. but jesus christ, at least treat me fairly. because making me wait for three and some months, sitting around, patient, going along with your pace as patiently as i could at my expense, was not fair. it wasn't even decent. and im sick of it. im sick of sitting here waiting for you to be in the mood to be interested while i torture myself with your misleading signs and suggestions. all that waiting, all those rejections, big and small, have taken a toll on me. i am not invincible. things like that dont just bounce off me like you mistakenly assume they do. i am not made of steel. i am just a girl.
what did i do exactly? what did i do for you to suddenly decide that im not worth the nonexistent effort and humiliate me like that? was it because once or twice i got upset and decided to share my thoughts and feelings? to let you know that, yes, i am human, i do have feelings? and they werent even that bad. actually, id go as far to say that they were down right reasonable after three months of neglect. so dont paint me a drama queen for feeling pain. if you want an apology for my feelings, you're not going to hear one.
the thing is you dont want to try. you dont want to put any effort into shit. and you are being a selfish prick for expecting me to. it only confirms that this whole time you didnt even care at all. but thats fine. i dont need you anyway.
so im done. i dont need this shit and you need to realize that im not here for your periodic entertainment. so no. we are not "chillin". we are not even talking right now. you've wasted so much time these past three months, and you decide now that your not into it? that it isnt worth your precious time? well i could have made that easier for you a long time ago. no it isnt worth it. and its a general fuck up and lack of moral integrity on your part to let this go on for so long and let me hurt this much because you dont have enough fucking courage to tell me the truth.
so thanks for wasting my time. its been a pleasure.
if you want to actually try and repair this or make any sort of effort at all, man up and actually do it and don't wait three and half months to make a decision. because then ill just laugh at your face.
otherwise, go fuck yourself. because it not like your going to find anyone else, anyway.