Escape
The circus was Doojoon's escape, and he thought that it was the coolest thing ever. His uncle was the ringmaster, the free spirit compared to his parents who worked every day and left him with the nanny.
Doojoon looked forward to summer, when his uncle would visit and teach him how to kick a ball. It wasn't long before his uncle decided to let him tag along. Sometimes he helped with the animals or ran errands for the performers.
The circus was a shelter of sorts that made everyone feel safe, like they had somewhere to go back to. Most of the performers were outsiders, runaways. Doojoon's thought about it once or twice, what would happen if he ever ran away from his parents. He'd probably come to the circus and try to breathe fire or something.
His uncle once explained why he lets people stay. "When the first one came in, it wasn't done out of goodwill. All I wanted was to be by myself. It's like hearing this voice in your head asking for freedom, when all you want is your peace and quiet. Eventually you get so annoyed you have no choice but to find the voice's owner."
Doojoon remembers finding this conversation odd. "If it were me, I'd find whoever owned that voice and tell him to shut up."
His uncle just smiles. "What you say now and what you'll do in the future are sometimes two different things."
"Do you regret it?"
"Nope." And that was the end of it. Almost.
"You're weird."
"There's at least one of them in the family."
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The first one he finds is Junhyung, who was eight like him and managed to hide rolls of bread under his shirt. Doojoon leaves some change on the counter and follows him, holding two bottles of coke.
"I don't need your charity." Junhyung scowls as he shoves bread into his mouth.
"I paid for these." Doojoon gestures to the drinks. "As if I'd pay for you."
"Ch." The younger boy goes back to his food, but he kept glancing at the coke. It WAS sort of hot out.
That's when Doojoon has an idea. "You can have one." Junhyung's jaw drops, unsure if he's dreaming or not. "On one condition."
Junhyung frowned. Of course there had to be a condition.
"You should meet my uncle! He takes in hobos all the time!"
"Can I get more coke there?"
And now they had a new stage hand.
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Five months later, Doojoon is almost like his uncle's right-hand man, helping make decisions for the good of the circus, and running other errands of course. Junhyung still roomed with him, and helped out with the animals. Surprisingly, they liked him better than anyone else, even Doojoon.
Yoseob immediately takes a liking to the eldest, following Doojoon around like an eager puppy. He wanted to be a clown and make people laugh. He wanted to start with Kikwang.
Kikwang went wherever Yoseob went, so Doojoon often found two shadows trailing after him. He doesn't know what to make of them, two young boys who ran to find adventure (in Yoseob's case, he doesn't know why Kikwang did it).
It's only when he wakes up to find Kikwang crying, did he understand.
"Please don't be sad, Kikwangie." Yoseob pleaded.
"I shouldn't have left her alone..." The younger boy rubbed his eyes frantically.
"She wanted to throw you out." His friend protested. "Look what she did to your hand! You couldn't help what you did!"
Doojoon has seen the angry burn marks on Kikwang's hand, heard Yoseob tell Kikwang that it was okay to hold his hand, it wasn't going to break. He's seen what he can do without meaning to.
So he takes Kikwang to Kangin the Strong Man to teach him control. Kangin is sort of impressed. It's hard to find kids with talent, he says.
Sometimes everyone wonders what it would be look like if Kikwang smiled. So Doojoon makes Yoseob a clown with a blonde wig, red nose and all. The boy's first prank involved Junhyung and pie, but in the end it backfired and Yoseob ends up clinging to Doojoon for dear life. It's so chaotic that Doojoon almost misses the slight upturn of Kikwang's lips.
It was progress nonetheless.
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Hyunseung arrives about a year later with his mother and sister, trained acrobats looking for jobs. They were accepted almost right away, and the circus grew.
Doojoon doesn't know what to make of Hyunseung, who is sometimes so quiet you tend to miss him. He didn't really socialize with the others, but Yoseob was having none of that, and proceeded to drag the poor boy around.
It's only when Junhyung walks up that Hyunseung speaks. "You look like a Pokémon." Four boys stare at him, open-mouthed.
"Or a Digimon. I forgot which was which." Junhyung's face went from curious, to bewildered, to annoyed, to downright pissed in five seconds.
"Oh yeah?" He retorted "Well you look like a girl!" Hyunseung cocks his head to the side. "You're too pretty!" He meant it as an insult, but it didn't really work out right.
The next time they meet, Junhyung saves Hyunseung from a broken back by catching the older boy during practice. They sort of become friends after a few more mishaps.
Doojoon likes to tease him about it sometimes. His best friend then makes up something clever about clowns with bright smiles and pretty voices until one puts the other in a headlock or enter an insult contest. Whichever comes first, really.
They know each other much too well now, Doojoon thinks. That's why it doesn't bother him when he wakes up one day and sees that he's been with his uncle's circus for three years already.
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They visit his hometown three times before Dongwoon joins them. The first time was a month after Hyunseung joined. Doojoon was responsible for the four boys he had found, so it was like having a group of his own.
The five of them were out buying food for everyone, only one of many tasks they had for the day.
"We need juice." Yoseob tugged at Junhyung's sleeve.
"Juice is good." Hyunseung says as he helps Junhyung grab more coke.
"You like juice too, right Kikwangie? Kikwangie?" The four of them looked around. Said person was gone.
Doojoon ran out of the store, only to stop when he heard something foreign yet familiar.
Kikwang was laughing.
He sees them sitting near the fountain, Kikwang and this boy that looks a bit too foreign to be from the area. He walks up to them and clears his throat. Kikwang glances up in surprise. "Hi-yeom."
Doojoon was about to tell him off for wandering, but thought better of it. "Kikwangie..."
Said person's eyes widen in understanding and he stands up. "I'm sorry Dongwoonie. I have to go back now."
The other boy nods. "Okay." Kikwang suddenly snaps his fingers, as if remembering something. "Oh right! Woonie, this is Doojoon-hyung. Doojoon-hyung, Dongwoon.
When the eldest looks at Dongwoon, he sees a pair of familiar eyes. He's seen it in the entire circus folk: the lonely kind. Before he could think too much of it, he pulls Kikwang away and heads back to the others.
They come back a year later and Kikwang manages to find Dongwoon and drag him to lunch with all five of them. He fits in perfectly, pulling pranks with Yoseob, assisting Hyunseung, matching insults with Junhyung, and even Doojoon finds himself spoiling the new maknae. There was no doubt though, that his favorite was Kikwang, who smiled more often, laughed 'til his eyes disappeared into half-moons and wasn't as afraid of hurting people as he was then. It was like having brothers.
That's why it hurt too much to leave Dongwoon behind at the orphanage and move on for the next show.
Three more years pass and they come back. Nothing's changed, save for the fact that when they leave, there will be no regrets.
'Cause Dongwoon is leaving with them, and Doojoon thinks that coming back for their maknae is the best decision he's (not his uncle, just him) made so far.
It scares Doojoon sometimes that all five of them look up to him as the leader. He's too scared that he might mess up and fail them all. He remembers bringing it up with Junhyung once, who promptly flings popcorn at him.
"Even if you did, we'd all still be here. We'd still fight over the last piece of bacon like every other morning. You might be the leader, but that doesn't mean you can't make mistakes."
Doojoon isn't really used to having these kinds of conversations. "Uh... Thanks."
"That's what brothers do." Junhyung says offhandedly.
Years later, the circus was still Doojoon's escape, but he didn't expect to gain five brothers out of it. He didn't expect to find a family that eclipsed the old one. Not when he finally packed his bags, not when his parents just gave him money and didn't even bother to say goodbye, and certainly not when he finds Yoseob waiting outside his house to bring him home. Where he belonged.
"Do you regret it?" Jihoon asks, anxious to hear the end of the story.
"Nope." The older man finished fixing the mics.
"But don't you ever think of what could've been?" Now why does this sound so familiar?
"You mean, getting a 'real job', having kids? I have you, don't I?"
Doojoon snickers when the ten year old huffs in frustration. "But you just picked me out of the dumpster, hyung!! Don't tell me you like picking up homeless kids and letting them stay here!"
"And what if I do?"
Jihoon sighed. "You're weird, hyung."
"There's at least two of them in each family."
"But I still wanna be a ringmaster. I'll be the greatest ever! Just like Doojoon-hyung!"
Doojoon had no doubt about that.
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A/N: I still can't believe I finished this. I have no idea where it came from. Please excuse my brain.. , but I like writing this AU though, so I think I'll do more. What a productive way to spend my break. :D
Comments are highly appreciated! :).