life is shit
yeah i said it...life is shit. Can't sleep, can't hardly eat, can't even think. All i know is i hurt someone i truly care about. I just want things to be how they were before high school came along, back when the TRUST between us was unbreakable. And my stupid-ass managed to break it. i feel as if i spent my entire life building a house, just to screw up and destroy it...and now, now i have to start all over again. The pain is so deep...and i don't have her to run to anymore. When i need that person to talk to, that shoulder to cry on, that person to lean on...she's not gonna be there. All i have left is this void in my life. Kinda like a rusted hole in a car, sure you can fill it back in and make it look new, but truthfully the hole is still there. Everything is so fucked up right now. Of course everyone wants me to "get over it" or something to that effect, but its harder than that. i don't think i ever could forget something like this, knowing i won't truly be forgiven. Knowing that just in the past month before now i've hurt this girl so much. Who am i supposed to blame for something like that. Nobody but me for the most part....sure i had a little help from someone i won't mention...but nobody screwed up as bad as me. I would do ANYTHING to take it back...what's worse is now my life is so similar to hers. Putting on that stupid fake smile that you have to wear at school/work all day. But the feelings are all still there hidden behind that smile. Sure it looks like nothing is wrong on the outside, but it hurts looking past that and seeing the pain inside. I want to be there to comfort her as much as i want her to be there for me....but i'm not sure if we could ever be like that again.
Kerri, i know i hurt you more than i could ever imagine, and i know u won't forgive me for it nor will i ask for u too because i don't deserve it. I'm lucky to still be talking to you now as it is...but i just want to try to rebuild that trust that we used to have, because without you i'm pretty much nothing (and i know there's gonna be people out there saying i'm more than that) but they don't know how i feel...without u in my life i'm just as good as dead. I don't know where i'm going to start, but i might as well start somewhere and hopefully one day...i don't care if it takes the rest of my life but someday you will be able to trust me again.
Kerri, i know i hurt you more than i could ever imagine, and i know u won't forgive me for it nor will i ask for u too because i don't deserve it. I'm lucky to still be talking to you now as it is...but i just want to try to rebuild that trust that we used to have, because without you i'm pretty much nothing (and i know there's gonna be people out there saying i'm more than that) but they don't know how i feel...without u in my life i'm just as good as dead. I don't know where i'm going to start, but i might as well start somewhere and hopefully one day...i don't care if it takes the rest of my life but someday you will be able to trust me again.