(no subject)
It hit me this morning that going to school at this age is like being sick and never getting better. I got up at almost 11 this morning after going to bed just after 11 last night. I could have slept all day. My nose is a little runny and my eyes are a little watery, allergies I guess. On top of that though is just the clinging lethargy of it all. I’m still not working. My schedule this semester has just made having a job impossible, especially now that I have physical therapy on the two days a week I had some free time…oh yeah, I messed up my foot and have to do physical therapy. I finally got some answers on exactly what happened to it, turns out I sprained my ankle and my foot last month when I stumbled one evening walking to rehearsal. Then, since I never stopped (who has time to stop?) not only has the sprain not healed, but I developed tendinitis in the tendon that runs from my big toe to my ankle, and my muscles have locked up tight from my foot up through my calf, as well as my calf in the other leg from compensating for the injury when I walk. It’s a lot, but it sounds worse than it is. I’m not in any terrible pain or anything, just enough to be bothersome since walking all over campus is unavoidable as a student.
But anyway, the sick feeling. It’s like there is just so much to do and memorize and study for and process. And that is just the work, let alone the fact that I am still a person and oh yeah, a mom. Logan comes with me to musical theatre class as a community participant, so that has been really fun. It is the first time my school friends really see who I am when I go home and they are all so great to Logan. Hunter, who I am performing a song with, has been making sure to talk with Logan each week and ask him about band and what he is reading and just takes a minute to make Logan feel seen and like they are pals, like Logan is really part of it all because he is. Hunter is 19, and a bit of a flake as a performer, but that kid would make an excellent middle school teacher if he chose that path. He just really takes the time to treat everyone he sees like they matter.
I am at school every.single.day. this semester. Well, not the weekends, not yet. But I will have to be there next Sunday for musical theater and then shows for musical theater and then my senior project will begin weekends after that, then the other play the department is doing which I will at least watch and probably will help strike after too. Sooo, I will get a break around thanksgiving, except then it is finals the next week. Guess I’ll rest when I’m dead?
In addition to all that, I volunteered to go work the opening of Rocky Horror for my Kingsport friends. I wanted to be part of that show so badly but I didn’t have time, so this is my offering to them. I will get to watch the show for free, so that’s fun. Then I have a paid gig face painting at Home Craft Days. Not what I’d like to be paid to do, but money is money. The weekend before Halloween is Cole’s yearly party. I’m going as a Mothman..girl..thing lol. So that’s exciting. I wanted to have a small gathering of friends and nice dinner for Samhain, but there is just too much going on to think about cleaning and cooking or anything. Maybe we can do it for Yule. I did get Halloween off from rehearsal so I can take Logan trick or treating..at this point every year could be his last trick or treat year and I missed last year working at the museum. It is so sad, and we missed so many years just taking him to the church. So we are going to make a good time out of it, no matter how tired I feel.
My point is, I have never been so exhausted in my entire life. I just want to hide under my covers and not exist. I want to take a week off to just cry and maybe eat soup. But I can’t. Instead, I’ll keep on going. School, doctors, rehearsals followed by more rehearsals. Most day it feels like life will never be normal again. But if I can make it to December and if I pass my classes, I will have a bachelors degree at the end. And I might not get the GPA I want, but I realized last night that I will still graduate with my Darden Honors which I received last semester. I just have to keep clawing my way though this semester, take my vitamins, drink lots of water, keep my head up. It will end soon…then I can just get another soul crushing job 😂
But anyway, the sick feeling. It’s like there is just so much to do and memorize and study for and process. And that is just the work, let alone the fact that I am still a person and oh yeah, a mom. Logan comes with me to musical theatre class as a community participant, so that has been really fun. It is the first time my school friends really see who I am when I go home and they are all so great to Logan. Hunter, who I am performing a song with, has been making sure to talk with Logan each week and ask him about band and what he is reading and just takes a minute to make Logan feel seen and like they are pals, like Logan is really part of it all because he is. Hunter is 19, and a bit of a flake as a performer, but that kid would make an excellent middle school teacher if he chose that path. He just really takes the time to treat everyone he sees like they matter.
I am at school every.single.day. this semester. Well, not the weekends, not yet. But I will have to be there next Sunday for musical theater and then shows for musical theater and then my senior project will begin weekends after that, then the other play the department is doing which I will at least watch and probably will help strike after too. Sooo, I will get a break around thanksgiving, except then it is finals the next week. Guess I’ll rest when I’m dead?
In addition to all that, I volunteered to go work the opening of Rocky Horror for my Kingsport friends. I wanted to be part of that show so badly but I didn’t have time, so this is my offering to them. I will get to watch the show for free, so that’s fun. Then I have a paid gig face painting at Home Craft Days. Not what I’d like to be paid to do, but money is money. The weekend before Halloween is Cole’s yearly party. I’m going as a Mothman..girl..thing lol. So that’s exciting. I wanted to have a small gathering of friends and nice dinner for Samhain, but there is just too much going on to think about cleaning and cooking or anything. Maybe we can do it for Yule. I did get Halloween off from rehearsal so I can take Logan trick or treating..at this point every year could be his last trick or treat year and I missed last year working at the museum. It is so sad, and we missed so many years just taking him to the church. So we are going to make a good time out of it, no matter how tired I feel.
My point is, I have never been so exhausted in my entire life. I just want to hide under my covers and not exist. I want to take a week off to just cry and maybe eat soup. But I can’t. Instead, I’ll keep on going. School, doctors, rehearsals followed by more rehearsals. Most day it feels like life will never be normal again. But if I can make it to December and if I pass my classes, I will have a bachelors degree at the end. And I might not get the GPA I want, but I realized last night that I will still graduate with my Darden Honors which I received last semester. I just have to keep clawing my way though this semester, take my vitamins, drink lots of water, keep my head up. It will end soon…then I can just get another soul crushing job 😂