[Wild Roses] Last One Standing

[named_by_rhyme]

Title: cat's cradles
'Verse/characters: Last One Standing; Aodh
Prompt: 85F "jump"
Word Count: 8166. Because I apparently needed to double the poll's current wordcount.
Notes: Hmrf. Let's try that again, shall we? This supersedes the '07 sketch sparks. Possibly by an order of magnitude. O.o

Comments

[larathia]

*glee*

Yah. Out of towners that behave get left alone, out of towners with clear Abilities get kept track of until it's self-evident that it's not necessary to do so. It's that tendency of Able out of towners to try taking over chunks of/all of the City.

...Weirdly enough, I rather doubt Kickback was bored doing it. Tracking's more fun than a stakeout, where the real issue is not falling asleep at the wrong moment.

[taennyn]

Yeah, I think that tense moment in the bar had to do with the fact that he's not moving like a native, but just demonstrated that he can move layers like they can. That's gonna be hard to outrun, if it goes ugly.

Yeah, and Aodh never stops moving. It's just sometimes he's indoors, instead of banging around town.

[towermusings]

Mmmm. Actually, most accurately, it's "out of towner with abilities beyond what most locals can produce without possession/bonding." They tend to figure you have some means to move like they do or you wouldn't BE in the City in the first place; what unnerves them is displays of abilities that mean you're strong enough to perhaps have a taste for conquest.

They get layer-walking out of towners ...not all that infrequently to be honest, even with all the natural barriers. The issue's usually "now you're here, what do you WANT?" - and they relaxed when it was fairly clear he was just playing tourist.

[klgaffney]

wow, this is a huge expansion, it's like the whole world opened up and came alive. sounds, smells, sights, people. it lives!

the imagery of the candles was beautiful--and painful in its significance.

i liked that his brain first tried to paint the city as Winter--and how he discarded the thought, as well. glimpses of aodh's thought processes are interesting. i'd like to see more of them, here and there, at least as far as motivation and why he's doing some of these things; a lot of his motions and gestures, magical and otherwise, (particularly in the around the area of the glass) are carefully detailed, but without additional context, i'm lost

[taennyn]

Oh, thank fuck. I have been staring at this thing for so long (relatively speaking) I was just starting to drown in all the damn details. @.o;

I got nailed with the candles right up front. It was. . not awesome. Made me worry how the rest was going to come out--he is really not good at sharing how he's feeling. =\

i liked that his brain first tried to paint the city as Winter--and how he discarded the thought, as well.

'Ping, ping: tag!--no. No, brain. Just, no.'

I find he tends to be easier to write in company, which might contribute to the in-city sections being clearer?

i also like how likeable he's portrayed without having to warp the people around him into liking him; they're still obviously wary and tough and looking for angles.

Oh, good, the dynamic worked. I was worried it was going too easy. >.>

And of course he does. He might only be making tiny little house-hexes, but they're good for ten years. That's worth noticing.

[larathia]

Oh, good, the dynamic worked. I was worried it was going too easy.

Nah :) They've HAD all the trouble they want, most of them. He's come to Kickback's attention, he's being watched...but srsly the Andeliin citizenry is so war-weary that if they don't HAVE to shoot you they'd rather not, thanks, and most are pretty content not to start trouble unless it's first brought to their doorstep. (So, yah, if he'd run into the bar being chased by a sewer leviathan, different story, but just wanting a drink? willing to pay for drinks? sure. Have a drink!) They'll watch him like a hawk for a while cos yah, badly burned on outsiders, but very few have the mindset One-eye did. It's kinda proven to not be a survival trait.

[dormouse_in_tea]

Makes sense -- he hides so much, that if he's not reacting TO other people...

"There's a WALL there."

< / llama moment>

Congratulations, you can now write things long enough to outstrip my attention span when I'm down to bare bones! So I just got to this. I like it! Finally, something I can hit you with as an EXAMPLE of more details, rather than simply a demand for same!

As a note, I would point out that in this:

The eighth night, he paused at the corner of Candelaria-- subtly marked with a stenciled flame--and 7th, spent a few contemplative moments digging the pads of his fingers into the decaying mortar between the bricks.

Sommat like "digging the pads of his fingers into the decaying mortar between the bricks, and rubbing them over the shallow-carved flames" (yadda yadda etc) would enable to you do away with your damned parentheticals.

[taennyn]

*waggles hand* The sketch linked in the headnotes had a throwaway line as to how he ended up there, but no details, and definitely no timestamp. Which . . this is in the first couple of years--if not the first year--after the end of the second war, for him. Everything's still raw, no matter how much he might hide it.

:) I'm glad her progression worked well; her whole section was unexpected addition to the outline, and I was rushing a bit. Because ye gods, six thousand words from seven hundred of sketch already. O.o;;

I wish it were easier to get into his pov--that storm-overhead feeling while he was walking underneath the glass was really interesting, but I don't feel like I really grabbed that in the piece.

Of course, I apparently managed to suggest the off-kilter keeping-self-busy aspect, so I can't have done too badly. :D Thank you for comment.

[dormouse_in_tea]

One thing I am squinting at that innkeep for is I think she haggled him down a bit low. A ten YEAR charm for a five DAY stay? A USEFUL one, as opposed to entertainment or decoration?

[taennyn]

I feel like I need to get to know her better--I don't have the feeling she was expecting to get away with that much. *eyes her*