[Wild Roses] Last One Standing

[named_by_rhyme]

Title: cat's cradles
'Verse/characters: Last One Standing; Aodh
Prompt: 85F "jump"
Word Count: 8166. Because I apparently needed to double the poll's current wordcount.
Notes: Hmrf. Let's try that again, shall we? This supersedes the '07 sketch sparks. Possibly by an order of magnitude. O.o

Comments

[klgaffney]

wow, this is a huge expansion, it's like the whole world opened up and came alive. sounds, smells, sights, people. it lives!

the imagery of the candles was beautiful--and painful in its significance.

i liked that his brain first tried to paint the city as Winter--and how he discarded the thought, as well. glimpses of aodh's thought processes are interesting. i'd like to see more of them, here and there, at least as far as motivation and why he's doing some of these things; a lot of his motions and gestures, magical and otherwise, (particularly in the around the area of the glass) are carefully detailed, but without additional context, i'm lost.

what's interesting is that it gets a lot clearer for me once he's in the city proper; i don't know if there's more statements of intent or if it's just just easier to make the cognitive leaps because "strange city, in which one is a stranger" is fairly intuitive (for me, anyway), or both. *fascinated*

dude, the city is overwhelming. its a good thing aodh has a quick head and an eye for everything. i also like how likeable he's portrayed without having to warp the people around him into liking him; they're still obviously wary and tough and looking for angles. i liked watching him build networks from the ground floor; again, more insight into his character and how he does things.

and of course, this power-wielding stranger comes to kickback's attention sooner, rather than later. and this is becomes another intriguing distraction.

[taennyn]

Oh, thank fuck. I have been staring at this thing for so long (relatively speaking) I was just starting to drown in all the damn details. @.o;

I got nailed with the candles right up front. It was. . not awesome. Made me worry how the rest was going to come out--he is really not good at sharing how he's feeling. =\

i liked that his brain first tried to paint the city as Winter--and how he discarded the thought, as well.

'Ping, ping: tag!--no. No, brain. Just, no.'

I find he tends to be easier to write in company, which might contribute to the in-city sections being clearer?

i also like how likeable he's portrayed without having to warp the people around him into liking him; they're still obviously wary and tough and looking for angles.

Oh, good, the dynamic worked. I was worried it was going too easy. >.>

And of course he does. He might only be making tiny little house-hexes, but they're good for ten years. That's worth noticing.

[larathia]

Oh, good, the dynamic worked. I was worried it was going too easy.

Nah :) They've HAD all the trouble they want, most of them. He's come to Kickback's attention, he's being watched...but srsly the Andeliin citizenry is so war-weary that if they don't HAVE to shoot you they'd rather not, thanks, and most are pretty content not to start trouble unless it's first brought to their doorstep. (So, yah, if he'd run into the bar being chased by a sewer leviathan, different story, but just wanting a drink? willing to pay for drinks? sure. Have a drink!) They'll watch him like a hawk for a while cos yah, badly burned on outsiders, but very few have the mindset One-eye did. It's kinda proven to not be a survival trait.

[dormouse_in_tea]

Makes sense -- he hides so much, that if he's not reacting TO other people...

"There's a WALL there."

< / llama moment>

Congratulations, you can now write things long enough to outstrip my attention span when I'm down to bare bones! So I just got to this. I like it! Finally, something I can hit you with as an EXAMPLE of more details, rather than simply a demand for same!

As a note, I would point out that in this:

The eighth night, he paused at the corner of Candelaria-- subtly marked with a stenciled flame--and 7th, spent a few contemplative moments digging the pads of his fingers into the decaying mortar between the bricks.

Sommat like "digging the pads of his fingers into the decaying mortar between the bricks, and rubbing them over the shallow-carved flames" (yadda yadda etc) would enable to you do away with your damned parentheticals.

[taennyn]

Finally, something I can hit you with as an EXAMPLE of more details, rather than simply a demand for same!

My 'uh-oh' face. I shares it. I foresee much flinging of things at my head.

(yadda yadda etc) would enable to you do away with your damned parentheticals.

So would writing out at least some of that gloss. >.> I just couldn't sustain that level of detail long enough to get to the old spark dialogue, so there was Glossing. =\

[dormouse_in_tea]

Okay, fair enough.