Will process and respond later. I think there have been some studies done about this to the effect of excusing males not giving the compliments. But when do things like that ever really challenge social roles?
I agree with you. Mine tells me daily that I am adorable, beautiful, cute etc...and that he loves me.
Even when I feel like a useless, miserable, ugly, fat pile of shit. He will look at me and get a tear in his eye and say "no, you are beautiful, amazing etc" He will often tease me and take my words and sy Oh you are the most adorable _____ I have seen. Depending on how I insulted myself.
So yeah, without that I wouldnt survive the reality that is my world.
HUGS and hang in there. You are correct in these thougts. Praise is necessary. Should go both ways too. I often tell Andre that I think he is handsome. I will ask him to take off his glasses, because he has the most amazing gray eyes. I could drown in them really. It makes him feel shy, but I know he has never had anyone praise him and it makes a HUGE differance in how he has grown personally.
I think its BS to not seek validation from our partners. Yes we have to have our own internal validation, esteem and so on. But we absolutly DO need it from our most closest
One of the reasons I will never leave Seth is because of how he treats me- he's always doing nice things for me or giving me compliments, and I always try to do the same for him. I have no patience for the whole making-women-feel-insecure-by-not-complimenting schtick- the idea is that if they feel valueless they will not leave, or some stupidity like that- and when people have tried that on me I've rejected them outright. It's rude.
One of the things we need from a lover is nurturing. If you are not getting that from your lover, and he's not willing to bend enough to give it, then you have every reason to leave. We make ourselves vulnerable to the people we love, and it gives them power over us. It's critical that we choose partners who will nurture and protect us, not ones that manipulate us. I learned this the hard way in my first marriage.
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Even when I feel like a useless, miserable, ugly, fat pile of shit. He will look at me and get a tear in his eye and say "no, you are beautiful, amazing etc" He will often tease me and take my words and sy Oh you are the most adorable _____ I have seen. Depending on how I insulted myself.
So yeah, without that I wouldnt survive the reality that is my world.
HUGS and hang in there. You are correct in these thougts. Praise is necessary. Should go both ways too. I often tell Andre that I think he is handsome. I will ask him to take off his glasses, because he has the most amazing gray eyes. I could drown in them really. It makes him feel shy, but I know he has never had anyone praise him and it makes a HUGE differance in how he has grown personally.
I think its BS to not seek validation from our partners. Yes we have to have our own internal validation, esteem and so on. But we absolutly DO need it from our most closest
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One of the things we need from a lover is nurturing. If you are not getting that from your lover, and he's not willing to bend enough to give it, then you have every reason to leave. We make ourselves vulnerable to the people we love, and it gives them power over us. It's critical that we choose partners who will nurture and protect us, not ones that manipulate us. I learned this the hard way in my first marriage.
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