(no subject)
Hmm. maybe I'm just having a moment, but I realized I haven't been home in 3 years. Home being oregon. I haven't gotten any new/recent pics of Shani, the most recent being of when she was 5 I think. A santa pic. I haven't seen her face in three fucking years.
Here's the list I came up with for a friend:
Started in oregon, to new jersey for 4 months, back to oregon for 3 months, to california for 6 months, arizona for 14 months, texas for 3 weeks, indiana for 3 months, here for 3 months
Total time: almost 34 months.
WTF am I doing? I mean, what the hell is the point to all of this? Other than trying to find the Right Person to be my lover/Master/whatever?
You ever stopped and just asked yourself what you're doing, why you're doing it and what the goal is?
I know what my goal is.. I just seem to get lost along the way all the time.
I'm so tired of moving, of getting itchy feet. Of being bored/unfulfilled/dissatisfied/cooped up/lonely/no sex drive/no family/etc ad nauseum.
I'm tired of having to resort to spending all of my time on Denver because I don't have any rl friends - in large aprt because I move so much. I was working on getting some rl friends in Indiana, but now I don't have naything to draw me close to other people anymore. No classes, no work (that should change soon), nothing. And I'm with someone that has no desire to make friends, but misses the act of having them.
I haven't had a place I could call home in quite a while. Maybe I'll never find a place to call home. Maybe that's something I'm not supposed to have - what with my theories on being a fixer and all, running through life and bringing change to peoples lives then bouncing on. It's what I'm good at. What I've spent the last /3 fucking years/ doing.
Ya know what? Two more years. That's it. If I haven't found the right fucking mate in two years.. I'm done. I'll pick a place and just fucken cope with having to settle for something less than I need.
Here's the list I came up with for a friend:
Started in oregon, to new jersey for 4 months, back to oregon for 3 months, to california for 6 months, arizona for 14 months, texas for 3 weeks, indiana for 3 months, here for 3 months
Total time: almost 34 months.
WTF am I doing? I mean, what the hell is the point to all of this? Other than trying to find the Right Person to be my lover/Master/whatever?
You ever stopped and just asked yourself what you're doing, why you're doing it and what the goal is?
I know what my goal is.. I just seem to get lost along the way all the time.
I'm so tired of moving, of getting itchy feet. Of being bored/unfulfilled/dissatisfied/cooped up/lonely/no sex drive/no family/etc ad nauseum.
I'm tired of having to resort to spending all of my time on Denver because I don't have any rl friends - in large aprt because I move so much. I was working on getting some rl friends in Indiana, but now I don't have naything to draw me close to other people anymore. No classes, no work (that should change soon), nothing. And I'm with someone that has no desire to make friends, but misses the act of having them.
I haven't had a place I could call home in quite a while. Maybe I'll never find a place to call home. Maybe that's something I'm not supposed to have - what with my theories on being a fixer and all, running through life and bringing change to peoples lives then bouncing on. It's what I'm good at. What I've spent the last /3 fucking years/ doing.
Ya know what? Two more years. That's it. If I haven't found the right fucking mate in two years.. I'm done. I'll pick a place and just fucken cope with having to settle for something less than I need.