I wrote my mom an email
Talking to Adam had me thinking about how wonderful my mom has been to be for 25 years. So I emailed her tonight.
Dear Mommy,
Last night I was talking to Adam about how Poppop was there for us growing up when you weren't able to be. It got me thinking a lot about you, and what you've been through since reaching adulthood. I feel like after last night I have this whole new, wonderful appreciation for you that I've never had before, which says a lot, considering how much I've always admired you. I just can't imagine what it was like to basically be guilted into a marriage you didn't feel secure with at 19 and then to lose your mother two years later. I really can understand now how devistating it must have been to find out you were pregnant only a year after Momma's death. 23 is just way too young to have a baby, and I know that swam through your head for 9 + months at that time. I know Daddy was helpful with me, but not as much as Poppop and Mommom. I can't imagine the greif you faced after Mommom died, because it was almost like losing a mother a second time. I have to wonder how well things were going between you and daddy when you decided to have another baby. But by the time the boys came along, daddy seemed to be done comptely with responcability, and that left you shouldering most of the weight with Poppop helping out where he could. All this time you were struggling so hard with your depression. I just admire you so much for trying so hard to make life so easy for us while you just wanted the pain to end, to go away forever. I know seeing us fight all the time was hard. You were so overwhelmed for those years and it's just amazing that you made it out of there, let alone the three of us turning out drug free and stable as we are.
I've said it before, I'll say it again - I am SO glad you left daddy. I think that's the kindest and most beneficial thing you've ever done for our whole family. I think the only person who matters who didn't benefit much from it was Poppop. I know how much you two loved each other and it must have been hard for him to lose the only other adult in the house. Still, it did get 3 screaming, fighting kids away so he got some peace and quiet, and that was good for him. It took so much courage for you to leave him. You did the right thing. All 3 of us agree with that. I hope you never have any doubts about that again.
I just think about everything that you've been through and the person you were forced to become in order to provide for and keep your family stable. I'm just so amazed. You're such an amazing person and it really means a lot that you've sacrificed so much for us. Poppop did a lot, he did SO much to keep us stable when you weren't able to. But, no one could have ever showed any of us so much introspection and emotional intimacy as you have. I don't know many people who could be open with either of their parents like I can be with you. Ever since I was tiny I always felt safe telling you anything and everything. I remember the three times I'd lied after being forced to face the wall for spilling coke and using good towels to clean it up; taking the dog with Mary to walk to those apartments, ...something else stupid like that..., and then sleeping with Brian. Okay, so maybe I only remember two things... but I think there were three. I felt so ashamed for lying that I kept those secrets for years. I wasn't even upset about the acts I'd done, but because I'd lied. It's just because I always felt like I could tell you anything, so why did I have to lie? You've made me the honest person that I am today, and I will never forget that or stop thanking you for it. I've always been able to have so much fun around you. You're one of my favorite shopping buddies. I don't have many of them because no one understands the art of shopping as well as you and I do. (I learned from a pro!) You also taught me how to look inside of myself and discover who I am as a person and how I can improve myself. I've spent my whole life constantly examining and reexamining myself, and I think it's one of the greatest gifts a parent could ever give her child. I love knowing who I am, it's so wonderful. There's this depth to me that so few people can understand, and it's how I've been able to maintain such loyal relationships with wonderful people like Adam and Stefanie. It seperates me from all of the idiots out there and puts me on such a higher level.
I guess I just really want to tell you how much I love and admire you. I'm really so honored and glad that out of everyone in the world that you're my mom. You're one of the most understanding and compassionate people that I've ever met. I know you get overwhelmed with me and my various mental instabilities, but it means so much that you can be so empathic and patient with me. I'm also so glad that you were patient and gentle enough to hold my hand for all those years when I lacked the compacity to take care of myself on my own. I really have to give you so much credit for my turning into the confident, intelligent, self aware, independent, awesome person that I am today.
I love you very very very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!
Love
Trish :D <33333333
Dear Mommy,
Last night I was talking to Adam about how Poppop was there for us growing up when you weren't able to be. It got me thinking a lot about you, and what you've been through since reaching adulthood. I feel like after last night I have this whole new, wonderful appreciation for you that I've never had before, which says a lot, considering how much I've always admired you. I just can't imagine what it was like to basically be guilted into a marriage you didn't feel secure with at 19 and then to lose your mother two years later. I really can understand now how devistating it must have been to find out you were pregnant only a year after Momma's death. 23 is just way too young to have a baby, and I know that swam through your head for 9 + months at that time. I know Daddy was helpful with me, but not as much as Poppop and Mommom. I can't imagine the greif you faced after Mommom died, because it was almost like losing a mother a second time. I have to wonder how well things were going between you and daddy when you decided to have another baby. But by the time the boys came along, daddy seemed to be done comptely with responcability, and that left you shouldering most of the weight with Poppop helping out where he could. All this time you were struggling so hard with your depression. I just admire you so much for trying so hard to make life so easy for us while you just wanted the pain to end, to go away forever. I know seeing us fight all the time was hard. You were so overwhelmed for those years and it's just amazing that you made it out of there, let alone the three of us turning out drug free and stable as we are.
I've said it before, I'll say it again - I am SO glad you left daddy. I think that's the kindest and most beneficial thing you've ever done for our whole family. I think the only person who matters who didn't benefit much from it was Poppop. I know how much you two loved each other and it must have been hard for him to lose the only other adult in the house. Still, it did get 3 screaming, fighting kids away so he got some peace and quiet, and that was good for him. It took so much courage for you to leave him. You did the right thing. All 3 of us agree with that. I hope you never have any doubts about that again.
I just think about everything that you've been through and the person you were forced to become in order to provide for and keep your family stable. I'm just so amazed. You're such an amazing person and it really means a lot that you've sacrificed so much for us. Poppop did a lot, he did SO much to keep us stable when you weren't able to. But, no one could have ever showed any of us so much introspection and emotional intimacy as you have. I don't know many people who could be open with either of their parents like I can be with you. Ever since I was tiny I always felt safe telling you anything and everything. I remember the three times I'd lied after being forced to face the wall for spilling coke and using good towels to clean it up; taking the dog with Mary to walk to those apartments, ...something else stupid like that..., and then sleeping with Brian. Okay, so maybe I only remember two things... but I think there were three. I felt so ashamed for lying that I kept those secrets for years. I wasn't even upset about the acts I'd done, but because I'd lied. It's just because I always felt like I could tell you anything, so why did I have to lie? You've made me the honest person that I am today, and I will never forget that or stop thanking you for it. I've always been able to have so much fun around you. You're one of my favorite shopping buddies. I don't have many of them because no one understands the art of shopping as well as you and I do. (I learned from a pro!) You also taught me how to look inside of myself and discover who I am as a person and how I can improve myself. I've spent my whole life constantly examining and reexamining myself, and I think it's one of the greatest gifts a parent could ever give her child. I love knowing who I am, it's so wonderful. There's this depth to me that so few people can understand, and it's how I've been able to maintain such loyal relationships with wonderful people like Adam and Stefanie. It seperates me from all of the idiots out there and puts me on such a higher level.
I guess I just really want to tell you how much I love and admire you. I'm really so honored and glad that out of everyone in the world that you're my mom. You're one of the most understanding and compassionate people that I've ever met. I know you get overwhelmed with me and my various mental instabilities, but it means so much that you can be so empathic and patient with me. I'm also so glad that you were patient and gentle enough to hold my hand for all those years when I lacked the compacity to take care of myself on my own. I really have to give you so much credit for my turning into the confident, intelligent, self aware, independent, awesome person that I am today.
I love you very very very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!
Love
Trish :D <33333333