On feminism~ a ramble
Al right, so I'm technically supposed to be compiling notes for economics, politics, psychology and compulsory english, considering my finals are in a few days and I need to compile the damn notes before I can learn them up. I am, however, a procrastinator of the highest order, and shall shamelessly post on lj since i have absolutely nothing better to do,
One of the subjects I have finished my notes for is sociology, and since we had social movements as one of our sub topics, the feminist or the women's movement inevitably cropped up.
Now I've never seen myself as a feminist, but if I am to be completely honest, I'm defensive as a person, and my feminineness is something I've found myself defending more than once, even if the topic wasn't broached.
I live in India, and truth? I love the country. I love everything about it. But its also a strongly patriarchal system.
For as long as i can remember, mum has been the one doing all the housework. Dad knows how to cook, and he does so occasionally, but its my mum who does the work for the most part.
In the years that she wasn't working and only my dad was, it was an understandable equilibrium. Even today, his workload is heavier than my mum's, but I can't help but think that perhaps he should be helping around home a lot more.
We have a maid now, who does all the housework because mum no longer has the time, but the other little household chores? That's my mum.
So reading about the movement, about this distinction that's always been made about women being nurturing and the home-keeper and men being the provider got me thinking, why?
Why do we, as intelligent, sentient beings allow ourselves to be tied down by expectations and roles and duties? If my mum is working to bring money home, then shouldn't my dad help out a little with the household chores?
Don't get me wrong, I love my dad to bits, and I know he has had as much of a role in bringing me up as my mum has, but its just this one thing that hums in the back of my mind like an irritating bit of music so faraway, I can weakly capture the strains.
That brings me to my next point, why do people think only women can raise children? Like being a stay-at-home-parent is something only limited to the female gender? Because I know plenty of women who should never be allowed near the next generation, just the same as I know men who will make terrifyingly wonderful fathers.My mum's dad for one, was one of those wonderful dads. from what I gather, he was the one my mum went to for everything, including her periods.
One of my friend's dad's is the same, not that her mum is any less caring or brilliant, but her dad? Her dad loved her and nurtured her and held her hand through puberty and threatened her boyfriends and bought her flowers for valentines. If a man wants be nothing more than a single father, then why dont we allow him that without spewing judgement that is uncalled for and unwanted?
How does it matter that I'm a woman? Just because I have the apparatus for making a baby doesn't necessarily mean I want one or should be entrusted with the care of one! I have motherly instincts, sure, but that doesn't mean I'm comfortable with them. Doesn't mean I have the initiative to immerse myself in them and produce children on demand.
In the new work culture, also, women are barred- metaphorically of course- from the more physically challenging jobs. Now I get that women are built differently from men, but my god, why the generalisation? If a woman is willing, and capable of pulling the slack, of working in a particular field then why shouldn't she? If a man wants to work as a nurse, then why not allow him that? Why is it that we concentrate on semantics that are basically assumptions? Why don't we ever look at the individual, with all of his or her abilities and aptitude and then decide accordingly if they're suited to a particular task?
And thats the crux of the matter. We don't look at the indidvidual. we look at the outer appearance, at what we can catalouge in the first thirty seconds and hammer every single thing we've heard about 'those kind of people' and make a judgement which we refuse to change without getting a sharp kick in the arse. We look at the geneder first of all though, because that is the most obvious way we can classify someone, and wham! assumptions made.
You know what i hate though? I hate that between all the feminism and chauvinism and some curious disgustingly fascinating meld of the two, I don't know if I should offer to pay for a date or not, that I had to think twice before taking up arts, not only because of the familial horror at taking up something that wasn't as lucrative(which is a discussion for another day) but also because I wondered if I was bowing down to all the men who said that obviously women caould not survive in science and I was being ridiculously feminine.
I hate that i can't enjoy my ideas of an old fashioned romance, a romance with jazz and wine and wooing and flowers invloved because all of it just seems to scream girlie!girl with an infinite splash of pink and that's not what I want to be categorized as,
Because I'm not just a girl. I'm an person who likes blue, not because I want to be a tomboy, but because I genuinely think the colour is beautiful. I don't dislike pink because its a 'girlie' colour but because I dont like the warmer colours in general. I don't care for fashion because i've never understood it, and my hair isn't short in some weird misguided attempt to leave my femininess behind, but because it suits me better.
I hate that despite all this, I will also have to work twice, three times as hard as the men in the workplace simply because I have a vagina and breasts and they have a dick, that future prospective in-laws will expect me to be this wonder woman who cooks and cleans and does housekeeping all before 9 when I must rush to work, come back and repeat.
I'm not a feminist. I'm someone who believes that its the individual who matters, that a person's nature and capabilities are in no way linked to what reproductive organs they possess or which hormones run through their system. I believe in equality in every sphere, so if I'm getting maternity leave, my hubby should be getting paternity leave dammit!
One of the subjects I have finished my notes for is sociology, and since we had social movements as one of our sub topics, the feminist or the women's movement inevitably cropped up.
Now I've never seen myself as a feminist, but if I am to be completely honest, I'm defensive as a person, and my feminineness is something I've found myself defending more than once, even if the topic wasn't broached.
I live in India, and truth? I love the country. I love everything about it. But its also a strongly patriarchal system.
For as long as i can remember, mum has been the one doing all the housework. Dad knows how to cook, and he does so occasionally, but its my mum who does the work for the most part.
In the years that she wasn't working and only my dad was, it was an understandable equilibrium. Even today, his workload is heavier than my mum's, but I can't help but think that perhaps he should be helping around home a lot more.
We have a maid now, who does all the housework because mum no longer has the time, but the other little household chores? That's my mum.
So reading about the movement, about this distinction that's always been made about women being nurturing and the home-keeper and men being the provider got me thinking, why?
Why do we, as intelligent, sentient beings allow ourselves to be tied down by expectations and roles and duties? If my mum is working to bring money home, then shouldn't my dad help out a little with the household chores?
Don't get me wrong, I love my dad to bits, and I know he has had as much of a role in bringing me up as my mum has, but its just this one thing that hums in the back of my mind like an irritating bit of music so faraway, I can weakly capture the strains.
That brings me to my next point, why do people think only women can raise children? Like being a stay-at-home-parent is something only limited to the female gender? Because I know plenty of women who should never be allowed near the next generation, just the same as I know men who will make terrifyingly wonderful fathers.My mum's dad for one, was one of those wonderful dads. from what I gather, he was the one my mum went to for everything, including her periods.
One of my friend's dad's is the same, not that her mum is any less caring or brilliant, but her dad? Her dad loved her and nurtured her and held her hand through puberty and threatened her boyfriends and bought her flowers for valentines. If a man wants be nothing more than a single father, then why dont we allow him that without spewing judgement that is uncalled for and unwanted?
How does it matter that I'm a woman? Just because I have the apparatus for making a baby doesn't necessarily mean I want one or should be entrusted with the care of one! I have motherly instincts, sure, but that doesn't mean I'm comfortable with them. Doesn't mean I have the initiative to immerse myself in them and produce children on demand.
In the new work culture, also, women are barred- metaphorically of course- from the more physically challenging jobs. Now I get that women are built differently from men, but my god, why the generalisation? If a woman is willing, and capable of pulling the slack, of working in a particular field then why shouldn't she? If a man wants to work as a nurse, then why not allow him that? Why is it that we concentrate on semantics that are basically assumptions? Why don't we ever look at the individual, with all of his or her abilities and aptitude and then decide accordingly if they're suited to a particular task?
And thats the crux of the matter. We don't look at the indidvidual. we look at the outer appearance, at what we can catalouge in the first thirty seconds and hammer every single thing we've heard about 'those kind of people' and make a judgement which we refuse to change without getting a sharp kick in the arse. We look at the geneder first of all though, because that is the most obvious way we can classify someone, and wham! assumptions made.
You know what i hate though? I hate that between all the feminism and chauvinism and some curious disgustingly fascinating meld of the two, I don't know if I should offer to pay for a date or not, that I had to think twice before taking up arts, not only because of the familial horror at taking up something that wasn't as lucrative(which is a discussion for another day) but also because I wondered if I was bowing down to all the men who said that obviously women caould not survive in science and I was being ridiculously feminine.
I hate that i can't enjoy my ideas of an old fashioned romance, a romance with jazz and wine and wooing and flowers invloved because all of it just seems to scream girlie!girl with an infinite splash of pink and that's not what I want to be categorized as,
Because I'm not just a girl. I'm an person who likes blue, not because I want to be a tomboy, but because I genuinely think the colour is beautiful. I don't dislike pink because its a 'girlie' colour but because I dont like the warmer colours in general. I don't care for fashion because i've never understood it, and my hair isn't short in some weird misguided attempt to leave my femininess behind, but because it suits me better.
I hate that despite all this, I will also have to work twice, three times as hard as the men in the workplace simply because I have a vagina and breasts and they have a dick, that future prospective in-laws will expect me to be this wonder woman who cooks and cleans and does housekeeping all before 9 when I must rush to work, come back and repeat.
I'm not a feminist. I'm someone who believes that its the individual who matters, that a person's nature and capabilities are in no way linked to what reproductive organs they possess or which hormones run through their system. I believe in equality in every sphere, so if I'm getting maternity leave, my hubby should be getting paternity leave dammit!