how do i put in words what im feeling
i never really realise how bad i am at expressing my feelings. i guess i never really had anyone who cared to much what i thought to even noticed that i wasnt expressing my true feelings at all. its really hard to express how i feel towards pj because im afraid what i have to say will hurt him so i just dont say anything at all. i wish i had someone to talk to about all of it but no one really knows what im going through. everyone just keeps asking me if were okay now and when i reply kinda i just get weird looks like really ur not over it. i dont think anyone understands the heartbreak im going through. to be lyed to directly to feel like i cant trust the one person in the world that i want to be with forever. its scary to think i was so clueless for so long. when i think of a drug addict i think of someone who just doesnt care and wouldnt spend time with anyone but his drug friends and someone whos abussive, i guess i never realised what people are like before they get to that point. i feel like everything has just been fake like i dunno if there was ever a time when i wasnt been lied to. ive never kept anything from him its just so hard to think he was living a completly different life when i wasnt there. i hate to think that when someone called and chillin with cassy was just keyword for i cant talk about anything now. i hate feeling like they all knew and just laughed about it behind my back but i guess i really dont care what those people think. one day there gunan realise that living that life is not the way to go. you can never have a real relationship with anyone and you cant have a very succefull job while on drugs.