FANFICTION CORNER: Stirring up the mud
pTitle: Stirring-up the mud
Pairing: Kangwon(Kangin/Siwon)
Rating: R for implied smut
Form: One-shot
Genre: Angst
A/N: Oh my, I don't know what to think about this. It's just that I remember having read in Miracle a fic with Kangwon and there was that beautiful angry sex scene between them which was particularly well written. I wanted to read something of the same kind and I ended writing one myself.I have no idea if it's good or even readable, as English is not my native language*sigh* Hope you''ll enjoy nevertheless^^
You're used to hating him.Hating him is part of your daily routine.
It's like an obligation, a necessity.
You just hate him so much.
And since the very first day you met him, in SM building.You singled him out among the other teenage boys who were there because they wanted to achieve their dreams,just like you. The first thought that occurred to you when you saw Kangin is how much he hurt your sight.He was standing there, like a discordant note in a harmonious partition, ignoring how incongruous , offensive his presence were, but it seemed you were the only one to notice.It's not that you found him particularly bad-looking, but just seeing him made you angry, he arose in you that kind of epidermic reaction, an inexplicable repulsion, that primal feeling predators have when they meet an enemy they know they should fight to protect their territory.
Your eyes had met, and it suddenly stroke you with the force of an evidence: both of you were from the same species. Both of you were filthy hypocrites.
You were of the same kind.You love to show to others that bright smile of yours, that cheerfulness everyone,managers, members, fans, loves about you, and he is the same.A rougher, less polished version of you, but always displaying a grin that everybody,including you you must confess,finds to die for.And yet you know it's a façade, a pathetic masquerade. You're like shiny, glimmering water that reflects rays of light on a sunny day, but stir it up a little, and you'll raise all the mud that hides at the bottom, revealing its corrupted essence. It's the way you are.Everybody loves your fake affectionate, innocent self, but only you know all the darkness you've been holding inside of you for all these years.Only you knows about the mud glued to your heart.
Or so you thought.
Because he knows.You suspect he knew from the beginning, since the first day, and that's why you hate him so much.He knows because he is the same.Holding back the mud in his soul too.Showing a beaming face to the world but deep inside, you know he is haunted by ghosts who have the shape of dark,sinister thoughts. Apart from you, only him knows how much you feel dirty inside, it's like a disgusting secret you silently share and binds you together with an invisible rope.
So you avoid him.You pretend not to hear when he speaks, not to see him when you are in the same room, not to feel the sting each time he touches you, incidentally.You want to deny his existence, to erase him from your life.
And yet, before you realize, you're addicted.
You don't know when it started.He is always on your mind, like an obsession. Because you feared to find him in the room you just walked in, because you feared he joined the conversation when you were speaking with another member, because you feared you might come in contact during practice, you were focused on him, and him only. You don't know since when you started to wonder how it would feel like to have his hands exploring you,to have him breathing on your neck, to sense his heartbeat echoing to yours.Since when do you scream his name in your dreams? Since when did you start to hope for a nocturnal visit in your room?Since when does your body ache from the love you don't make?You feel trapped, but strangely, you don't want to escape,you're willing to be the prey if he is the hunter.The dark sparks he's sending you each time he watches you gives you goosebumps, you delight in reading hate in his stare and you wish you could drink the tempting poison of hatred from his lips.You want him so badly it hurts.
When it finally happens, it's like a battle.It's exciting, quick, violent, desperate and sad.There are bruises, curses, screams muffled by ferocious lips,tears. You fight against him, against yourself.He pins you down against the wall and when you feel his hands on you, searching your skin under the clothes, you finally feel relieved, hated, wanted.It's like a battle, except there is no winner, both of you are soon too drown in pleasure to settle the score.
And when you wake up that night for a glass of water, you realize that no matter how much you drink, you just can't get rid of that taste of mud that lingers in your mouth.
***************************
Oh please, don't shoot me, I'm sorry I commited this.
I'll be delighted to read some Kangwon in the future, I'm sure many of you can do a better job with them than me^^
Pairing: Kangwon(Kangin/Siwon)
Rating: R for implied smut
Form: One-shot
Genre: Angst
A/N: Oh my, I don't know what to think about this. It's just that I remember having read in Miracle a fic with Kangwon and there was that beautiful angry sex scene between them which was particularly well written. I wanted to read something of the same kind and I ended writing one myself.I have no idea if it's good or even readable, as English is not my native language*sigh* Hope you''ll enjoy nevertheless^^
You're used to hating him.Hating him is part of your daily routine.
It's like an obligation, a necessity.
You just hate him so much.
And since the very first day you met him, in SM building.You singled him out among the other teenage boys who were there because they wanted to achieve their dreams,just like you. The first thought that occurred to you when you saw Kangin is how much he hurt your sight.He was standing there, like a discordant note in a harmonious partition, ignoring how incongruous , offensive his presence were, but it seemed you were the only one to notice.It's not that you found him particularly bad-looking, but just seeing him made you angry, he arose in you that kind of epidermic reaction, an inexplicable repulsion, that primal feeling predators have when they meet an enemy they know they should fight to protect their territory.
Your eyes had met, and it suddenly stroke you with the force of an evidence: both of you were from the same species. Both of you were filthy hypocrites.
You were of the same kind.You love to show to others that bright smile of yours, that cheerfulness everyone,managers, members, fans, loves about you, and he is the same.A rougher, less polished version of you, but always displaying a grin that everybody,including you you must confess,finds to die for.And yet you know it's a façade, a pathetic masquerade. You're like shiny, glimmering water that reflects rays of light on a sunny day, but stir it up a little, and you'll raise all the mud that hides at the bottom, revealing its corrupted essence. It's the way you are.Everybody loves your fake affectionate, innocent self, but only you know all the darkness you've been holding inside of you for all these years.Only you knows about the mud glued to your heart.
Or so you thought.
Because he knows.You suspect he knew from the beginning, since the first day, and that's why you hate him so much.He knows because he is the same.Holding back the mud in his soul too.Showing a beaming face to the world but deep inside, you know he is haunted by ghosts who have the shape of dark,sinister thoughts. Apart from you, only him knows how much you feel dirty inside, it's like a disgusting secret you silently share and binds you together with an invisible rope.
So you avoid him.You pretend not to hear when he speaks, not to see him when you are in the same room, not to feel the sting each time he touches you, incidentally.You want to deny his existence, to erase him from your life.
And yet, before you realize, you're addicted.
You don't know when it started.He is always on your mind, like an obsession. Because you feared to find him in the room you just walked in, because you feared he joined the conversation when you were speaking with another member, because you feared you might come in contact during practice, you were focused on him, and him only. You don't know since when you started to wonder how it would feel like to have his hands exploring you,to have him breathing on your neck, to sense his heartbeat echoing to yours.Since when do you scream his name in your dreams? Since when did you start to hope for a nocturnal visit in your room?Since when does your body ache from the love you don't make?You feel trapped, but strangely, you don't want to escape,you're willing to be the prey if he is the hunter.The dark sparks he's sending you each time he watches you gives you goosebumps, you delight in reading hate in his stare and you wish you could drink the tempting poison of hatred from his lips.You want him so badly it hurts.
When it finally happens, it's like a battle.It's exciting, quick, violent, desperate and sad.There are bruises, curses, screams muffled by ferocious lips,tears. You fight against him, against yourself.He pins you down against the wall and when you feel his hands on you, searching your skin under the clothes, you finally feel relieved, hated, wanted.It's like a battle, except there is no winner, both of you are soon too drown in pleasure to settle the score.
And when you wake up that night for a glass of water, you realize that no matter how much you drink, you just can't get rid of that taste of mud that lingers in your mouth.
***************************
Oh please, don't shoot me, I'm sorry I commited this.
I'll be delighted to read some Kangwon in the future, I'm sure many of you can do a better job with them than me^^