Me
Well I am starting this new journal today.......
I am wondering deep down inside what others actually see of me and think of me?
Not that it really matters as I know deep down inside i am a kind hearted and compassionate person. I just feel that at times I am lost and unsure as to why I am here. There is a reason for everything and of the late I am unsure of many reasons.
As time and days go bye I tend to wonder of were my life is going and in which direction. I am also unsure of the things that are unfolding before me. There are so many new people in my life and the making of so many wonderful new friends that i am confussed as to were and what I am supposed to do.
I have a wonderful new Best Friend and there are many things between us that are unsure but, all I know is that this person is the first I am comfortable shareing all of my life experiences and secrets with. Also the first I have no secrets with and there are no skelletons in my closet. But somehow deep inside I feel as though it is time i moved on .... I don't know when or why but just feel as I am holding this person back from beeing the person they are or want to be. I am beggining to feel that i am a burdon to this person and that they need someone of more essence in there life.
What is one to do when they feel so attatched that the very thought of a person not in sight or in there life is like the breath beeing sucked out of your lungs and no able to get it back......
Then you have the friends that one has meet through the other person. These people all being wonderful and enchanting people that I believe and wish everyone in the world should have in there life as they are inspring and great people that make everyday that you know them that much more wonderful..... Better than the sunniest days when you can feel the natural life of the planet running through your body........
These people and i wish i could mention all names but there are many and those who know me know whom you are , are few and far between I am able to say I believe they are true friends cause at any point in time when I need someone in my life they have been there thus far.
But back to me...... LOL .......
I believe today is going to be the start of a new me. I am going to take things into prospective and start to change the things in my life that I need to do for me and no one else.......
1. The first hurdel is going to be to stop smoking......
how to go about doing this? Well I have been thinking and I know it's not going to be easy but I feel that as i need to consume a smoke I will try to do something else to take my mind off it..... Thats not going to be easy cause of the most things i like to do i enjoy a smoke afterwards so everyday is going to be a struggle for now .... But I do believe that my friends will be there at the time of need.... So if your reading this please understand that there is a rocky road ahead.
2. Another hurdel in Life is Drinking.....
those whom known me for a long time know that I am not much of a drinker. But of the late have been drinking more and more. this is going to be an easy one I am finally going to just say no.
3. I am impressed that my pot smoking has been so little lately, i used to smoke everyday but now only evry now and then this was easier than the smokes .....LOL
4. Know for the hard part.... To change myself to see someone in the mirror that I can feel comfortable with . AS of lately I feel I have lost myself and dont know were i am going and what to do so hense forth i need to do some soul searching and see or try to feel were i am at.......
so for know i am going to walk away from writting and just try to feel what i should consider trying to do to change thy self.....
will be writting again soon
Later and good luck to all on all your endevors
I am wondering deep down inside what others actually see of me and think of me?
Not that it really matters as I know deep down inside i am a kind hearted and compassionate person. I just feel that at times I am lost and unsure as to why I am here. There is a reason for everything and of the late I am unsure of many reasons.
As time and days go bye I tend to wonder of were my life is going and in which direction. I am also unsure of the things that are unfolding before me. There are so many new people in my life and the making of so many wonderful new friends that i am confussed as to were and what I am supposed to do.
I have a wonderful new Best Friend and there are many things between us that are unsure but, all I know is that this person is the first I am comfortable shareing all of my life experiences and secrets with. Also the first I have no secrets with and there are no skelletons in my closet. But somehow deep inside I feel as though it is time i moved on .... I don't know when or why but just feel as I am holding this person back from beeing the person they are or want to be. I am beggining to feel that i am a burdon to this person and that they need someone of more essence in there life.
What is one to do when they feel so attatched that the very thought of a person not in sight or in there life is like the breath beeing sucked out of your lungs and no able to get it back......
Then you have the friends that one has meet through the other person. These people all being wonderful and enchanting people that I believe and wish everyone in the world should have in there life as they are inspring and great people that make everyday that you know them that much more wonderful..... Better than the sunniest days when you can feel the natural life of the planet running through your body........
These people and i wish i could mention all names but there are many and those who know me know whom you are , are few and far between I am able to say I believe they are true friends cause at any point in time when I need someone in my life they have been there thus far.
But back to me...... LOL .......
I believe today is going to be the start of a new me. I am going to take things into prospective and start to change the things in my life that I need to do for me and no one else.......
1. The first hurdel is going to be to stop smoking......
how to go about doing this? Well I have been thinking and I know it's not going to be easy but I feel that as i need to consume a smoke I will try to do something else to take my mind off it..... Thats not going to be easy cause of the most things i like to do i enjoy a smoke afterwards so everyday is going to be a struggle for now .... But I do believe that my friends will be there at the time of need.... So if your reading this please understand that there is a rocky road ahead.
2. Another hurdel in Life is Drinking.....
those whom known me for a long time know that I am not much of a drinker. But of the late have been drinking more and more. this is going to be an easy one I am finally going to just say no.
3. I am impressed that my pot smoking has been so little lately, i used to smoke everyday but now only evry now and then this was easier than the smokes .....LOL
4. Know for the hard part.... To change myself to see someone in the mirror that I can feel comfortable with . AS of lately I feel I have lost myself and dont know were i am going and what to do so hense forth i need to do some soul searching and see or try to feel were i am at.......
so for know i am going to walk away from writting and just try to feel what i should consider trying to do to change thy self.....
will be writting again soon
Later and good luck to all on all your endevors