Yours Truly, With Love & Confection [ 2/7 ]
Title: Yours Truly, With Love & Confection, part 2
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Suho-centric with hinted at Xiuho and Subaek,[endgame spoiler]endgame Subaek ^^; side!Layhan (side!Taosoo if you squint)
Length: 58,825 words
Summary: Sometimes Joonmyun feels claustrophobic living in a small town where literally the entire population knows either him, his mother, or his kids (or his weird and annoying next door neighbor). But when a mysterious young man arrives to fill in as his new intern for the summer, Joonmyun’s not sure he likes the change, either.
Warning/s: weird!Luhan, language, kid!Jongin, kid!Jongdae,[Spoiler (click to open)]mentions of feminine hygiene products; mentions of Suho and Kyungsoo having been previously married to women
A/N: *sad laughter that fades off into the gloaming* originally posted for Suholiday 2015
"So that is the spooning method for measuring baking flour! You can check the chart at the front of your instruction manuals for a breakdown of the different types of flours and their properties and traditional uses." The instructor dusts the flour from his palms and wipes them on his green apron, leaving a pair of white hand prints smeared down the pockets. "Your stations should be equipped with everything you need for today's cooking experiments! But just let me know if you can't find something and I'll pop over to assist you."
The students stationed around the room, each wrapped in a matching forest green apron of their own, nod their heads and mumble in unison.
"Great!" the instructor says, "oh! By the way, I guess I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Yixing, but you can call me anything if you can't remember my name. Just holler at me and I'll come running. Are there any questions so far?"
No one raises their hand. Yixing steps down from the raised platform at the front of the room and plunges into his audience to wander between the tables of cooking stations. The students are paired up at the long tables, each topped with stainless steel counters and sporting two layers of shelving underneath.
Joonmyun is, of course, stuck with Luhan. Fortunately for both of them, Luhan is dressed in a rather normal, though rather shapeless and baggy T-shirt and cargo shorts. Joonmyun would have sunk his claws into the doorpost and refused to let Luhan drag him out of the house this morning if he was still impersonating the circus pony or--god forbid--wearing the little mermaid inspired get up he'd gone grocery shopping in on Saturday. Joonmyun and the kids ran into him at the produce section and had the privilege of traipsing with him arm-in-arm through the rest of the store, much to Joonmyun’s personal horror and embarrassment.
"So, flour!" Luhan sets a blue plastic measuring cup on the counter and slides the glass bowl of all purpose flour across to Joonmyun. "Will you do the honors?"
Joonmyun ignores him, still studying the table of contents at the front of the laminated instruction booklet. "Um," he hums in confusion, scanning the list of recipes and dishes listed on the course. Most of the words are in French, and he doesn't see anything familiar other than Basic Pound Cake and Classic Toll House Chocolate Chippers.
"Hey guys!" Yixing swings around the corner of the table to lean his elbows onto their counter. "Did you have a question?"
"Yes, I do." Joonmyun taps the laminated menu, his finger as insistent as if one of the secretaries just handed him a memorandum bristling with typos. "When do we learn to make taco meat?"
Luhan scrunches his nose in an unattractive snort a second before Yixing's calm composure dissolves into a hoot of laughter. "Taco meat!" the instructor gasps, "why would we learn about taco meat in a baking course?"
Joonmyun glares in continued confusion, first at the booklet, then at Luhan's disgusting, evil grin, and then at the instructor. Yixing is still struggling to regain his composure by pressing his lips together to hold back another laugh.
"I thought this was supposed to be a cooking class!"
"A small and unimportant distinction of the details," Luhan shrugs, and dumps a heaping spoonful of flour into their measuring cup. A cloud of the white powder sifts up and outwards, like a mushroom cloud of Joonmyun's taco cooking dreams disappearing into apocalyptic smoke.
"I should've known you'd mess this up somehow," Joonmyun hisses as soon as Yixing glides away out of earshot. He feels a slight thrill of satisfaction at Luhan's wounded expression, the way his eyes widen in affronted shock as Joonmyun's narrow.
"But Yixing's only teaching baking courses this summer," Luhan protests, “and the community center coordinator, Mrs. Eckert, you know, she insisted that we had to join his class. That he's the absolute best."
"I see." Joonmyun picks up the rubberized handle of the measuring spoon and starts to brush excess flour from the heaping mound in the measuring cup back into the bowl.
"Excuse me for being rude, but you're doing that wrong." A short guy in baggy black cargo pants and a matching black T-shirt turns around from the table beside them, a challenging scowl darkening his face. "You're supposed to use the flat edge of a knife blade to level it off. Don't use a spoon, you'll just pack it down."
"Knife?" Joonmyun blinks at the pair of owlish eyes staring back at him without blinking. He hadn't been paying much attention to Yixing's introductory speech, he'll be the first to admit. It had started out all perky and cheery, Yixing cracking jokes and then looking surprised when the audience laughed in response. But once the instructor started waxing eloquent about the difference between all purpose flour and self-rising flour Joonmyun's attention took a hike.
"Knife. That thing." The other guy points to a stainless steel utensil lying next to the small scale on the counter. It doesn't look very much like a knife, more like an overgrown butter knife than anything, with a wide, flat blade and no serrated edge. "It's actually a spatula for spreading frosting, but it can double as a knife for bread dough or for measuring flour."
"Huh, really?" Joonmyun asks in surprise, picking up the implement to turn the handle over in his hand. The hilt is heavy, weighted to give it a nice balance against the blade.
"Next time you should pay more attention during explanations, so you don't slow things down too much for the rest of us."
"Soo!" a much taller guy hisses, tugging on his partner's apron strings. "Soo, you shouldn't tell people things like that! This is the very first day of the very first session, so you should be nice!"
The guy in black just rolls his eyes, pulling away from his partner. "I didn't come here to be nice to people, Chanyeol. I came here to enjoy myself. To destress. God, why am I even explaining this to you, this was all your idea, anyway."
Joonmyun's lips twitch into a wry smile at that, since apparently he's not the only one who was dragged here by an enthusiastic friend. Or boyfriend. He squints a little closer at the pair standing across from him and Luhan, at the way Chanyeol's large hands hover over the shorter man's shoulders and waist without actually touching.
"Hi! I'm Chanyeol Park, and this here is Kyungsoo!" Chanyeol pats Kyungsoo's shoulders with his floppy hands as he introduces them. "Soo is really nice, he just pretends to be a snapping turtle sometimes. But don't worry! He'll get used to you."
I hope so, Joonmyun doesn't say, opting instead to give both of his new acquaintances a polite smile. "Hello, I'm Joonmyun. And this is--" Joonmyun turns to gesture at Luhan but finds the space beside his at the counter unoccupied. "Oh dear, well I don't know where my partner's gotten off to, but I came here with my friend. His name is Luhan."
"It's really nice to meet you!" Chanyeol gives a mock salute, knocking his hand into the brim of his baseball cap. "I hope you have fun, and uh, learn lots!"
"Thank you," Joonmyun answers in a careful voice, a little wary of his classmate's enthusiasm. "Are you one of the instructors here? Maybe for one of the other courses?"
Kyungsoo snorts, dumping his meticulously measured cup of flour into a waiting mixing bowl. "As if. The current extent of Chanyeol's culinary repertoire includes cereal, scrambled eggs, and spaghetti. And by spaghetti, I mean the nasty stuff out of the can with that horrid sweet tomato sauce." Kyungsoo gives a little shiver, his narrow shoulders rustling in the wide sleeves of his oversized T-shirt.
"Hey!" Chanyeol gives a low hum, clapping Kyungsoo on both of his shoulders again. "I can make ice cream sundaes too! Don't forget about those."
"As if ice cream counts as a dish." Kyungsoo gives his head a sad shake and returns to measuring out his second cup of flour.
Chanyeol shrugs and works on rolling up his sleeves, careful to keep each fold accurate so the fabric won't bunch up at his elbows. "Anyway, it's great to meet you, Joonmyun!"
Joonmyun likes the way his name sounds in Chanyeol's rich, deep voice, like melted chocolate over salted caramel. Kyunsoo's voice is more like the flour dusting all three of their hands, dry and pure white, as crisp as artificial snow.
"Thanks, it's great to meet you all too!"
That's when Luhan decides to wander back, looking like the cat who who just gulped a few liters of cream. "Hello, dear neighbor!" His palm thwacks Joonmyun on the back, right between the shoulders blade, no doubt leaving a dusty hand print. "What did I miss while I was gone?"
"Eh, nothing on the cooking end. But shall I introduce you to our classmates?" Joonmyun takes a step back and waves to his new friends. "This is Chanyeol, and that's Kyungsoo."
"Awww!" Luhan makes a hand heart against his chest and waves. "I'm Myunnie's next door neighbor and bosom friend, Luhan. Very pleased to make you all's acquaintance! You look so cute together, may I add!"
"Oh, uh, we're not together!" Chanyeol says with a nervous laugh, stumbling back as he releases his hold on Kyungsoo's shoulders.
Kyungsoo just blinks at Luhan, unperturbed as he spoons flour into the measuring cup a second time. "I'm married, actually. And she's a bitch, so I've sworn off love and relationships in general as soon as the divorce goes through."
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" Luhan looks to Joonmyun with a worried frown, giving him a rapid blink as he bites his lips. "I didn't mean to..."
"Yes, I'm sorry to hear that as well," Joonmyun murmurs. He rests a placating hand on Luhan's shoulder. He knows his friend wasn't trying to be rude. Luhan just gets too excited over cute things, whether it's a kindergarten couple holding hands on the playground, or a tousle of newborn puppies sleeping in a heap in cardboard box on a neighbor's porch.
"It's over, no regrets, #yolo, etc." Kyungsoo shrugs and drops the spatula slash knife thing back on the counter. "And thank you for your condolences. I'll need all the well wishes I can get since I'm moving in with him." He stabs a finger in Chanyeol's direction. "He's the only friend hospitable enough to put up with me, which means I'm stuck hanging out with the giant indefinitely."
"If you ever need a fun place to hang out, you can always come over to Myun's house!" Luhan pats Joonmyun on the head, scrunching his fingers in his hair like Joonmyun is his pet dog in need of a scratch behind the ears. "His house is really cool! He has chandeliers and a spiral staircase. And also kids!"
"Hey cool! Chandeliers? Really?"
"Wait wait wait!" Joonmyun ignores Chanyeol and pushes Luhan's arm away, turning to pout at him. "Why my house? You can't invite other people over to someone else's house! That's against the rules of hospitality, Luhan!"
"Says who?" Luhan grins, and keeps scrunching Joonmyun's hair. "By the way, I needed to get Yixing's phone number, so to make the transaction more natural I invited him over for dinner next Thursday. Turns out he knows Vic, so it'll be the perfect dinner party, eh?"
"Luhan..." Joonmyun feels torn between laughing sadly at the ceiling and dumping the flour bowl over Luhan's head. Snowman would be a good look on his neighbor, since his manners are an abomination, after all.
But since Yixing knows Victoria and Mrs. Eckert from the community center, chances are he also knows Joonmyun's mother. Sooner or later, Joonmyun will probably have to invite Yixing over as part of his mother's gardening club fundraiser, or an honorary member of the badminton charity league, so he might as well get it over with and be social now. There's really no fighting Luhan when he gets his heart set on a prize. Wait...
"So, that's all settled then! I knew you wouldn't refuse me!" Luhan gives Joonmyun an exaggerated wink, the corners of his eyes creasing into starbursts of bright enthusiasm. Kyungsoo's lips press together in a tight bow like he's trying to hold back an amused grin.
Joonmyun gives him a shaky smile before turning to hiss at Luhan, "but why do you need Yixing's phone number?" Luhan's cheshire grin that spreads even wider as he rocks on his heels is starting to give Joonmyun a most unpleasant sort of shivers.
"Oh, just so I can text him recipes and ideas if I get sudden baking inspiration! And then if I ever work on a script about a bakery I'll have his number handy for consultation. No special reason." Luhan whistles through his teeth as he tips their next cup of flour into the bowl and promptly sneezes on the cloud of dust.
"Yeah, Xing's pretty chill,” Chanyeol confirms, twisting the heavy ring on his pinky. “I've known him since college. We were both in the music department together."
"Oh cool!" Luhan's eyes widen into uneven ovals, nearly the size of the small brown eggs lined on the counter in front of them. "Does he sing? Play piano? Please tell me everything!"
"Yes to all of the above!" Chanyeol's eyes sparkle as Kyungsoo's roll in fatigue. "But mainly he plays guitar. His hands are quite talented." Chanyeol follows up that statement with a wink that has Luhan clawing at Joonmyun's forearm like a distressed kitten.
"Does someone have a little crush?" Chanyeol singsongs, and this time Joonmyun feels like face planting in the mixing bowl because suddenly everything makes sense.
"Luhan," he murmurs in a weak voice, "please tell me you didn't invite our cooking instructor over because you’re planning to hit on him in front of my innocent children."
"Noooo! Why would I do that?" Luhan shakes his head until the wisps of his tousled blonde hair whip above his eyebrows. "Jongdae would probably sabotage my wooing attempts, anyway. Oh hey, Yixing is looking our way! Smile!" Luhan hisses. He grabs Joonmyun's hand and lifts it like a sock puppet to wave at their instructor.
Yixing gives Luhan a wink in return before noticing Joonmyun, at which he rolls his shoulders forward in a shallow bow and mouths, "see you Thursday!" before turning to help another student near the front.
"See?" Luhan hums in triumph, pushing up his sleeves to grab an egg in each hand. "Thursday is gonna be fun!"
✌ ✌ ✌
When Joonmyun marches out through the opening doors of the elevator onto the fifth floor of his downtown office building, fun is the last thought on his mind. Monday mornings carry a special sort of thrill to him, like the burn of caffeine at the back of his throat after a weekend of sleeping in. He knows it's silly, but there's always a small slice of his mind that is anxious to get back to the office to check up on things. He needs to make sure the copy machine didn't run out of cyan ink, that there are no emergency emails lurking in the general inbox that Amber forgot to forward him, and that the office building hasn’t--god forbid--burned to the ground.
Joonmyun knows it's ridiculous to worry about things like that. His team in the Fresh Fresh branch are all hard workers with enough foresight to anticipate and take care of any incidents under their control. And the rest of the potential disasters on his worry list--well, there's no use worrying about the things no one can predict, Joonmyun tells himself as he strips off his suit jacket and lays it over the arms of his extra chair.
He fills his favorite mug with coffee from the carafe in the hall and settles into his chair to pull up his email. The floor is still quiet at this hour, most of the cubicles empty under the darkened overhead lights. Joonmyun likes being one of the first to arrive, both due to his need to check on things before the rest of the team shows up, and also because he abhors idling on the highway in end-to-end rush hour traffic. He rarely beats Amber to the office, though, and he appreciates her loyalty as well as the fresh coffee waiting on the refreshment table in the mornings.
He inhales the soft wisps of steam wafting up from his Donald Duck coffee mug, one that Jongdae picked out for him at Disneyworld last winter. There's a few chinks in the handle from when Jongdae tried to wash the dishes all by himself early one Saturday at 4 AM, but Joonmyun adores the memories attached to this cup too much to replace it with a generic one from the department store.
His email loads to display a few dozen new messages of varying degrees of urgency. Joonmyun keeps tabs on his work emails on the weekends, skimming the notifications on his phone. He doesn't bother with replies unless it's something truly urgent though, since he values the free time and wants to focus on spending the precious hours at home with his family. That's another reason he shows up at 6 AM on Mondays, to power through the messages before it’s time to get down to business.
He fires off a few complaints to distributors to check up on overdue supply deliveries and bookmarks several threads for follow up that need verification with some of the other team members. Pushing his chair back from his desk with a satisfied sigh, Joonmyun stands to stretch out his back. TIme to go top off his coffee and check the ink levels on the copy machines.
The door to the copy room is cracked open, and light spills through at the end of the hallway as Joonmyun approaches. Amber must be in there, sorting out the preliminary drafts of the financial report he has to present to the board members on Tuesday. Joonmyun picks up his pace, parking himself just in front of the door.
"Hi~" Joonmyun calls through the narrow opening, stretching his lips wide to give his best Stitch impersonation. Ever since Amber caught him practicing the dialogues from Lilo & Stitch with Jongdae in the break room one time, that's been their customary greeting to each other when none of the other staff is around.
Joonmyun frowns when no immediate answer is forthcoming. He presses his cheek to the cool wood laminate of the door and tries again, "hello~! Goowud morlneeng!"
The door is flung open, knocking Joonmyun off balance. His steaming hot coffee, freshly refilled to the brim, splashes down the front of his gray linen slacks and pale lavender shirt and paints the length of the door frame.
"Oh--! My god!"
Standing in the doorway is not Amber as expected, but a guy just a little taller than Joonmyun, his eyes spread wide behind a pair of dark frames. He's wearing an expensive looking suit, accented with expert tailoring around the bust and shoulders, but his frizzy bleached brown hair pokes out from the band of a ball cap with the brim turned backwards. "You scared the shhh--andelier out of me!" he gasps with a shudder, and Joonmyun glimpses a wad of gum mashed between his back molars.
"Yes, well," Joonmyun sniffs, trying to steady his shaking fingers around the handle of his mug as he wipes at the coffee dripping from his nose and chin with his other hand. The scalding liquid is still searing the fronts of his thighs, and the front of his shirt is soaked through and clinging to his chest. "I thought you were Amber. Where on earth is Amber? If she's not--in here?"
Joonmyun knows he's not making much sense, but he's too shaken up and in serious discomfort due his second morning shower to explain in more eloquent terms. Not to mention his ribs are collapsing in on his curdling stomach due to the embarrassment consuming his dripping face in flames.
The way the guy--dude--person intruding in his office and his sacred copy room has Joonmyun flustered. The way his dark eyes and gaping mouth continue to trace the length of Joonmyun's soaked torso, from his shiny belt buckle up to the dark liquid accumulating in a ticklish puddle at his collarbones, is especially unnerving.
"I don't know who Amber is, sorry." He pulls on the band of his cap and has the decency to look apologetic once he's done ogling Joonmyun's chest through his ruined shirt. "And sorry for, uh, the mishap here." His voice is calm, as if this were an accident and not completely his fault for banging the door open like a hyperactive four-year-old.
Even Jongdae knows better, Joonmyun thinks with a huff, opening his mouth to demand an explanation for why this person has intruded on the sanctuary of his office on a perfectly nice and peaceful Monday morning before 7:00 AM.
"But, wow!" The dude in the doorway flashes Joonmyun with the grayish lump of his chewing gum again as he laughs aloud. "Did you really just greet me in a Stitch voice? Or was I imagining things? I'm usually not fully awake at this god-awful hour." He yawns, not bothering to cover his mouth or its contents with his hand, and Joonmyun frowns in distaste.
"No, I didn't greet you, to be exact. I thought I was speaking to Amber, my secretary."
"Ahhh!" The guy throws his head back in a slow nod, the brim of his cap nudging the back of his starched shirt collar. "You must be Director Kim then? I'm Baekhyun, the newbie. Pleased to make your acquaintance." He stretches out his right hand for a shake, but Joonmyun gives him a tight smile, wiping his damp palm on his soaking pants. Baekhyun seems to get the idea, dropping his hand back to his side.
"I didn't realize you'd show up quite so...on time." Joonmyun's left eye twitches as he suddenly remembers he's wearing his favorite wristwatch today, an antique timepiece that is currently trapped under the sodden cuff of his shirt.
"Ah yeah, well! Didn't want to be late on the first day, you know!" Baekhyun scratches at the lobe of his ear, eyeing Joonmyun with a nervous smile. "Amber let me in before she went down to pick up the bagel delivery from the lobby. I was trying to figure out the copy machine but...there's some kind of error message?"
"Error? What kind of--!"
"Ah, I'm not too sure, sorry!" Baekhyun shrugs and Joonmyun can feel his heart sinking along with the tailored corners of his new intern's shoulders. "I'm not that great with technical stuff."
Joonmyun takes a deep breath, shifting his shoes in the brown puddle collecting on the tile at his feet as he tries to ignore the flood of mental images of flashing warning lights and out-of-ink notices plaguing his beloved copy machine. First things first. "I'd be happy to show you around, and help you with the copier. But perhaps you'll excuse me to the restroom momentarily. The janitor will be very unhappy with me if I track this mess all over the building."
"Oh, of course! I'll just--" Baekhyun glances between the empty copy room and the Men's room at the other end of the hall. "I'll just sit tight in here, boss! Take your time changing!"
"Thank you," Joonmyun sighs, and waddles away to go get cleaned up. "Try not to break or spill anything while I’m gone, please."
"Roger that!" Baekhyun salutes, and slips back through the open doorway.
✌ ✌ ✌
"Hey!" Luhan raps on the screen door before pushing into the house. He neglects to wipe his unlaced work boots on the mat and traipses right into the living room. "Yo, Myun! Hullo, Vic!"
Joonmyun peels his gaze away from the financial column in the daily paper to give his neighbor a weak smile. "Um, hi. You're early. Was there a change in plans, or...?"
Victoria backs out of the pantry with a few boxes of pasta stacked in her arms. "Oh Lu! please don't tell me he's coming early. I haven't started prepping the salad and Jongdae still hasn't had his bath yet." She tosses the pasta onto the counter. The dry rotini pieces hiss against the insides of the cardboard boxes.
"Do you want me to get him into the tub?" Joonmyun folds the paper in quarters and is halfway out of his seat before Victoria nudges him back onto the chair with a poke at his shoulder.
"You stay put, Mr. Kim. You've been on your feet all day. Unless you really want to do the honors."
Joonmyun gives her a tired smile and slumps against the chair back. He takes over most of the childcare tasks when he's around so he can spend more time with the boys, but Jongdae's bath time is an event he doesn't mind missing out on a few nights a week. Jongdae hates soap and toothpaste almost as much as he hates getting wet. The adult in charge of getting him clean has to physically haul him into the filled tub. From there it's a harrying six or seven minutes of flinging water and high pitched screams as someone tries to wipe down his limbs with a cloth and rub shampoo into the ends of his hair.
In the winter it's not as bad because he can get by with a bath every other day, but in the summer it's a struggle every night. Jongdae comes in with feet blackened on the bottoms from running around barefoot on the asphalt and kneeling in the mud. Even on Joonmyun's most exhausting days there's no way he'll let his little munchkin crawl between the clean bed sheets that filthy. The whole family is dreading the day when Jongdae gets strong enough to fight his way out, but hopefully by then he'll have developed his own sense of appreciation for personal hygiene.
"You," Victoria demands, brandishing a rubber spatula in Luhan's direction and pulling Joonmyun from his musings. "why are you here and what do you need?"
"Wow, so welcoming and friendly." Luhan slides his hips onto the kitchen table to perch on the corner of it as his seat. "All I wanted was to wish you all a Happy Midsummer's Thursday. And also to borrow some sugar?" He bats his eyelashes as he extends a tin measuring cup to Victoria.
She narrows her eyes as she rips off the freshness seal at the top of a pasta box. "I'm not loaning you anything until you promise it's for good and not for evil. I don't want to held responsible as an accomplice if the fire department shows up in the neighborhood, but on your doorstep for once."
"Hey! Since when have I done anything remotely evil in anyone's kitchen!" Luhan recoils in feigned horror and almost falls off his perch.
"You seem to have selective memory issues," Joonmyun hums from behind his newspaper. "Although I don't blame you. I envy your subconscious and it's ability to block from memory that green slime incident you and Jongdae cooked up in the kitchen last winter. And does the “Boston Creme Pie Massacre” ring any bells?"
Luhan is glaring at him when Joonmyun dares to peek over the top of his pages with a pointed smirk. "For your information, I'm trying to do you all a favor. I'm baking us a cake to bring to dinner, but unfortunately I ran short on dark brown sugar." Luhan sighs, and even the wiry waves of his hair wilt along with his posture.
"Ah, trying to impress the dinner company, are we?" Victoria teases, but she's already opening the pantry door to pull out the sack of sugar. "Here, how much do you need?"
"A cupful." He hands over the measuring cup so she can pack down the sugar with the back of a spoon. "Thanks, Vic! I owe you one." Luhan blows her a kiss as he accepts the full cup from her sticky fingers.
"No problem, just try not to set anything on fire like this idiot, ok?" She rinses the granules from her fingers in the sink and flicks the excess water at Joonmyun's face. He shields himself with the pages of the sports section before resurfacing to shoot her a dirty look. "And don't worry, Lu, no matter what happens with the cake. I'll make sure to burn the pasta sauce just a little so my cooking doesn't show yours up." She winks as she scrubs her dripping palms on a towel.
"As if!" Luhan tugs the wrinkles out of the canvas fishing vest thrown over a paint stained T-shirt and his faded cutoffs. "No need to dumb down the level of your cooking expertise, dear neighbor! My baking skills can stand on their own two feet."
Joonmyun snorts as Luhan wiggles his fingers like he's about to perform a magic trick at some poor kid's birthday party. "I think most cake stands only have one foot, Lu. But good luck anyway, I think you'll need it."
Luhan scoffs, scraping the toe of his dirty boot along the clean tiles next to Joonmyun's chair. "We shall see about that! Failmyun!"
"Don't forget to change before you come back for dinner, Lu!" Victoria calls after him as the screen door bangs shut.
He doesn't return until three hours later at the appointed dinner hour, this time in a clean plaid shirt and a tartan kilt. The color scheme makes Joonmyun's eye ache, the flamingo pink and orange sherbert stripes of the shirt clashing royally with the deep reds and greens of the pleated folds swishing at the backs of his knees. At least he's not in zebra stripes though, and Joonmyun consoles himself with the thought that at least Luhan's lower half will be concealed under the drape of the tablecloth for most of the evening.
"Why are you at the back door?" Joonmyun holds the screen door open as Victoria accepts the cake keeper from Luhan's arms.
"Shhh! Is he here yet? Or should I go hide in the bathroom?" Luhan hisses in a whisper, creeping into the back hall on tip-toe.
"You mean Yixing? No, not yet. But no one is hiding in my bathroom!" Joonmyun sighs. He knows what it's like to feel nervous before a date, getting his hopes up for yet another disappointment when the person across from him at the restaurant makes a disparaging comment about children or previously married men before he has a chance to convince them otherwise with his charm. But Luhan is being ridiculous, Yixing isn't even his date (yet). And besides, the bathroom still looks like a warzone after Jongdae's shower, and Luhan's arrival interrupted Joonmyun's emergency clean up endeavors.
"You may have a seat and a glass of milk while we wait, though."
Luhan follows Joonmyun's gesture to see the boys sitting around the kitchen table, gulping down twin glasses of milk while they share the comics spread from the paper.
"Hey, guys!"
"Hi, Uncle Lu!" The unbuttoned cuff of Jongin's purple and black flannel shirt flaps at his wrist when he waves. Joonmyun can't understand how he isn't suffocating in such a warm shirt in the summer weather, but as long as his son isn't endangering his health he won't say anything about Jongin's self expression through the medium of fashion, alternative though it may be.
"Yo, kids! How's my man, Jongdae?" Luhan ruffles Jongdae's hair with his knuckles.
"Please examine!" Jongdae holds up a fold of the newsprint, the stock reports Joonmyun only got halfway through scanning before he got called away on bathroom duty. The margins are now covered in a complex series of abstract swirls with a T-rex emerging from the center of the Dow Jones' quotes.
"Um, wow," Luhan coughs out as he takes a seat, once again, on the edge of the table, completely ignoring the chair Joonmyun just pulled out for him. "That dino looks so real it could eat my fingers off! Do you contract your kid to draw product logos, Myun?"
Joonmyun rolls his eyes and passes Luhan the glass of milk when Victoria finishes filling it over the sink. "Child labor is illegal, Lu. Don't even think about recruiting my baby for your nefarious evil doings."
"Why does everyone keep calling me evil? I swear the cake turned out like a dreamboat! Like a slice of heaven!" Luhan’s face morphs from a stormy pout into beams of proud sunshine as he points at the plastic cake keeper on the counter.
"Oh really?" Victoria pops the frosted plastic lid off with careful fingers. The cake underneath does indeed look like a heavenly confection, the layers a perfect round shape, stacked evenly under a coating of pale pink frosting styled in delicate swirls. "Hm, not bad! I just hope the flavor measures up to expectation," she teases with a wink as she places the box out of the way next to the toaster.
"No worries there." Luhan brushes imaginary dust from both of his shoulders, and Joonmyun is surprised he doesn't have a pair of epaulets pinned on to match his tasseled sporran.
"By the way, nice kilt. Are you working on the screenplay for Braveheart: The Sequel?" Victoria turns off the stove burner and props a steel colander over the ledge of the double-basin sink. A rich cloud of starchy steam perfumes the air, drifting out through the open window above the sink when she dumps out the pasta for rinsing.
"Excuse you, no! We're working on a biographical documentary on the life of Andrew Carnegie, the ultimate rags-to-riches story reexamined through the post modern lens." Luhan straightens the heavy gilt pin attached at his hip. "This is obviously a study of the man in his later years."
"Hey, Dae, why don't you show Uncle Lu the new piece you’re learning on the piano?" Joonmyun suggests as he ducks into the hall.
"Affirmative!" Jongdae slips to the floor and scampers past his family into the living room, where the ledge of the upright is already strewn with the pages of his new sheet music.
"Daaamn, Myun!" Joonmyun hears Luhan's impressed whistle as he returns to the bathroom to finish wiping up the puddles on the floor. "Your kid's already tackling Chopin? Can I claim him as my offspring in front of your dinner guest? Or like, claim relation to the family in general to capitalize on the musical genius flowing through you all's veins?"
"Um, don't you already claim to be an honorary Kim family member?" That's Jongin's voice, and Joonmyun smiles in pride as he slings a wad of hair from the shower drain into the bathroom trash.
"Aye, aye, sonny! That I do!" Luhan replies in a butchered Irish accent, and Joonmyun once again reconsiders the meaning of his life goals, as well as the validity of his earlier statement about no hiding in the bathroom.
Jongdae gets a few bars into the first etude, stumbling a bit with the phrasing but hitting more or less the right chords. The bell rings as Joonmyun is wiping his hands on the fresh towel he just threw over the rack in the bathroom. He hurries down the hall to open the front door, putting his most hospitable smile into place as he he unlatches the brass handle.
"Good evening, and welcome to my home!" Joonmyun offers Yixing his hand for a shake before ushering him into the entryway.
"It's nice to see you again, Mr. Kim!" Yixing is in summer weight casual wear much the same as Joonmyun’s, but he doesn't seem perturbed by Luhan's interesting choice of outfit when the other guest shoulders his way in beside Joonmyun.
"Hey, man! Thanks for coming over!" Luhan guides Yixing through the foyer to the dining room with a friendly hand on his elbow. Joonmyun rolls his eyes at the sculpted plaster of his foyer ceiling, a bit annoyed but also relieved that Luhan has apparently decided to take over the role of host for this evening.
"Oh, and this is for you, Mr. Kim!" Yixing stops in the entrance to the dining room, turning to hand Joonmyun a small cardboard box printed with rainbow swirls. "Those are some all natural, certified organic food dyes for your future baking adventures!"
"Please, just call me Joonmyun!" he says as he accepts the gift, realizing that he doesn't even know Yixing's surname. "And goodness, you didn't have to bring me anything!"
"Aw, of course I did!" Yixing's friendly smile extends to his kind eyes, his whole face glowing with warmth as he pats Luhan's hand still clasped at his elbow. His smile is handsome, bringing out the dimples in his chin, and Joonmyun feels a tingle of envy at Luhan's good taste. "Apologies if I'm intruding. Lu assured me with a dictionary of emoticons that I wasn't, and to be honest, I could never turn down a home cooked meal by Vic."
"Oh, not at all!" Joonmyun smiles again, starting to relax with Yixing's easy manners. "We're almost ready to eat, but let me call the kids. I think they're still messing around on the piano." The strains of music still echo from the hall, but the boys have switched up their repertoire. It sounds like Jongin is plunking out "Heart and Soul" at the end of the keyboard while Jongdae adds a descant of trickling chords on the highest octave.
"Ooh, piano! Do you play too?" Yixing pulls a chair out from the table to take a seat. The wooden feet scud over the matted pile of the faded wool rug as Joonmyun backs into the hall.
"Nah, but their mother did." Joonmyun gives him another smile before swinging out of the room as Luhan climbs into the seat across from Yixing's. "Hey guys! It's time to eat! Don't forget to be polite when you greet our guest, ok?"
"Acknowledged!" Jongin calls, hopping down from the piano bench to help his brother scoot it up to the keyboard. They file into the dining room after Joonmyun, Victoria bringing up the rear with a steaming pot of homemade marinara that's been simmering on the back burner since breakfast.
"I hope you all are hungry!" she says, offering the pasta server to Yixing before lifting the warming towel from a tray of garlic bread. "Oh, but be sure and save some room for dessert, we have a special surprise!"
"Oh yeah?" Yixing looks up from his plate. His lips form a curious 'o' as he blinks in languid brushes of his eyelashes. "And who is responsible for arranging this surprise?" He cocks an eyebrow at Victoria, and then Joonmyun, but neither of them say anything as Luhan bounces and grins in his chair.
"Surprise," Jongdae grunts. He's propped higher than all of them tonight, the final compromise to conclude the power struggle over the booster seat situation being one half of the phone book pile stacked on his red plastic seat. "That meaning is anticipate, not interrogate!"
"Shh!" Joonmyun hisses, "don't be rude, Dae!" but Yixing winks at Jongdae and then his father.
"That's ok, Joonmyun. The kid's right. I'll just have to sit tight and anticipate!" Yixing hands down the tureen of tomato sauce after ladling a crimson flood over the top of his curly noodles. Joonmyun has to look away in disgust as Luhan makes sheep eyes at the Yixing as he accepts the sauce from him.
The rest of the dinner goes smoothly though, once everyone has a pile of food on their plate. Jongdae focuses on slicing his rotini apart into thin disks of severed noodle. He chews each one thoroughly before slicing the next so he's too busy to spout anymore inflammatory comments. Jongin power chews through his first helping before scarfing down two more, and Victoria looks pleased as the peachy pink icing on Luhan's cake when Yixing accepts seconds and thirds as well.
Luhan is unusually quiet once the meal gets underway. He stirs his noodles around with his fork until the dark green leaves of the wilted salad mix into the jumble of pasta and mushrooms and sauce. The conversation flows easily enough though, Victoria quizzing Yixing on the details of what's been up to since college their days, since the two apparently attended the same school as Chanyeol.
That's not much of a surprise, really. Most of the high school graduates from the towns around the area attend one of the local public universities. Joonmyun's the odd one out for having gone away to another city to study business. It's not much of a surprise either, then, that Victoria knows Chanyeol too, though she doesn't mention him much or at all. The name had sounded familiar though when Joonmyun met him in the cooking workshop on Saturday, so she must've mentioned him and Joonmyun hadn't remembered he heard the name from her at some point.
"Is everybody ready for dessert?" Victoria asks, scraping the last of the salad in with the cold veggies. All that's left of the garlic bread is a few crumbled bits of crust dotting the woven napkin, and the remaining pasta is the just the right amount for Joonmyun to take in his lunch box to work tomorrow. "Anyone want the rest of the noodles? Yixing? Lu? Myun?"
They all shake their heads, murmuring their compliments to the chef as she stands to carry the serving dishes into the kitchen. Jongin hops up to help, and Joonmyun gives him an approving nod as he balances the the heavy dish of pasta sauce with careful hands.
"Dessert?" Jongdae repeats. He squints at Joonmyun in anticipation until the constellations of freckles dotting his cheeks merge and change orbit, realigning into new forms.
"Yup! Just hold your horses, I think Ms. Victoria is bringing in the cake just now."
Jongin is the one who returns bearing the cake, the scalloped edges of the milky white glass pedestal digging into his palms. Joonmyun and Yixing push the rest of the dishes aside to make space for the cake, stacking them at the end of the table as Jongin presses his palms into his thighs to relieve the pressure embossed into his palms in little red half moons.
"Oh, oh! Wait just a sec before you cut it!" Victoria hurries in after Jongin, a long handled lighter in one hand. "We bought candles to make it a celebration, but I can't find them anywhere in the kitchen! Dae, have you seen them, sweetie?"
Jongdae shakes his head once, twice, his gaze shifting to the collection of noodle bits decorating his lap.
"Are you sure? I think they might have gotten thrown in your backpack with the art supplies we picked up at the same time. I'll go check, sorry for the wait, guys!" She hands Jongin the lighter and steps out into the hall, but Jongdae slithers out of his seat and scampers under Joonmyun and Yixing's chairs to dash ahead of her.
Joonmyun gets up, dropping his napkin to his seat when he hears the door to Jongdae's bedroom slam and a subsequent knock from Victoria, asking to be let in to check the shopping bags.
"Jongdae, sweetheart! What's wrong? Can you open the door?" Victoria raps again but steps aside when Joonmyun approaches. He leans a fist against the doorframe above his head, curving his shoulders forward to press his cheek against the smooth surface of the white door.
"Dae baby," Joonmyun calls, but Jongdae doesn't answer. All Joonmyun can hear is the faint rustling of plastic and the slam of the closet door. "Sweetheart, what is going on in there! Can you open the door please? Or daddy is going to use the key."
"No! Tarry for moment!" Jongdae gasps, his voice muffled through the heavy wood of the door. "Please!"
"Ok, that's it," Joonmyun sighs. He shares a worried look with Victoria as he stretches on tiptoe to feel for the skeleton key propped on the dusty top ledge of the doorframe.
Besides the fact that Jongdae is acting strange, that response makes Joonmyun concerned. His preschooler's standard phrase for requests is "I solicit you", something he learned off a junk mail flyer for window installation. When Jongdae reverts to basic words like "please" and "no", that's when Joonmyun starts to worry and whips out the thermometer and vitamin C tablets.
Joonmyun fits the slender key in the doorknob and forces the lock until it clicks open. Jongdae is on the far side of the room next to the bookshelf, spread eagle with his back to the wall. His backpack is unzipped in the middle of the bedroom floor, a plastic sack blooming out of the top with a collection of crayons, the box of birthday candles, and a set of poster paints spilling onto the area rug.
"Um, son?" Joonmyun gulps nervously at the sight of an orange handled paintbrush, the synthetic fibers at the top crusted with drying globs of violet paint. Jongdae just shakes his head until his short dark hair flies like a hurricane around his ears.
"Dae..." Victoria slips past Joonmyun into the bedroom, stepping over the mess on the floor to take one of Jongdae's balled up fists in her hand. His rigid posture melts at her touch and he slinks away from the wall, revealing the sweeping strokes of a chinese character that stretches from the window sill to the edge of the bookshelf.
The heavy lines of purple paint are still drying on the wallpaper, glossy and wet in the middle though the outlines look matte and dusky to the touch. He must have started it before dinner, in between his bath and his piano duet with Jongin.
"Wow, what does that say, Dad?" Jongin slips under Joonmyun's arm still propped against the door frame. He stretches up on his toes to get a good look at the graffiti on the flowered wallpaper.
"Sweet fried baloney!" Luhan whistles through his teeth as he edges into the doorway, Yixing trailing on his heels. "I mean I knew your kid was good at art and stuff, but holy baloney Joonmyun, this takes the cake!"
Joonmyun rests his forehead against the doorpost, focusing on the coolness of the wood against his skin as he breathes in and exhales in slow puffs. His chest expands with pride at Luhan's admiration but just as quickly deflates when he thinks about the work it will take to strip off the ruined wallpaper and try to patch up the spot. Or maybe he can try to spot clean it first?
"Wait, wait, your four-year-old did that calligraphy?" Yixing's voice is textured with awe as he cranes over Luhan's shoulder for a better look. "But why did he paint the character for 'thunder'? It hasn't rained all week."
"Beats me!" Luhan hums, giving his head a slow shake.
"I know exactly why." Joonmyun rakes a hand through his frazzled hair to resist the urge to scrape claw marks down his own face. "Someone gave Dae a calligraphy book for Christmas, and he's been practicing the characters on the backs of all the junk mail flyers and coupons ever since."
"Hey, don't look at me! I gave him books so reading would keep him out of trouble! I never dreamed he'd start practicing on your furniture!" Luhan blinks rapidly, giving Joonmyun his most innocent look with his front teeth biting into his lower lip like a rabbit.
"Nah, it's my fault. I shouldn't have left him with the art supplies unsupervised like that. I got too busy fixing dinner I forgot to unpack his bag." Victoria gives Jongdae's shoulder a gentle pat as she arches both her well shaped brows in his direction. "But now you know better, Mr., alright? No more artwork on the walls or there will be consequences."
Jongdae nods, his chin dipping against his hunched shoulder.
"But why 'thunder'?" Yixing muses, still intrigued by the word choice.
Jongdae shrugs and Joonmyun gives his son a small smile. "That one just happens to be his favorite on Thursdays, right Dae?" The pizza coupons that come on Thursdays always end up covered in the character for 'thunder', and the Sunday morning crossword puzzle gets graffitied with 'moon'.
"Affirmative," Jongdae whispers. His chin is still tucked against his collarbones and he looks like a puppy with his tail between his legs.
Joonmyun sighs and takes a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing when the rush of new oxygen hits his bloodstream. "Why don't we all sit down and have cake? We'll worry about cleaning this up in the morning."
"Cleaning it up? You can't be serious!" Yixing tugs on Joonmyun's wrist as they file back down the hall. "Your kid's a genius! He even tried to copy the running style characters. Like, his form isn't perfect but it shows a natural style, you've got to get him into art classes. Please don't erase his hard work, it takes a lot of bravery to express your heart in a purple painting that’s nearly as big as you are."
Joonmyun blinks back at Yixing's earnest face, his cheekbones casting shadows across his jaw line as they move from the dark hallway back into the dining room. He's not sure what to think of his new acquaintance telling him how to maintain his wallpaper, much less parent his child. "Bravery, huh?"
Joonmyun watches as Jongin helps Victoria unstack dessert plates from the bottom shelf of the china cabinet. Jongdae is hanging back behind Victoria, one finger strumming his lips like harp strings as if he's not sure if he's still in trouble or not. Joonmyun hustles past Luhan to kneel next to his son, giving him a tight squeeze and a peck on the forehead to reassure him.
"I'm not mad, ok?" he whispers, and Jongdae nods at him with solemn eyes. "And if you really want to keep your new painting, I guess we can negotiate."
Jongdae's thin frown blooms into a hesitant smile, solidifying into a grin as Joonmyun whisks him up and carries him back to his seat at the table. Jongin has the colored candles distributed in even rows across the top of the cake and Victoria stands poised with the lighter in hand.
"We ready?" She snaps the button on the handle and the end of the long black barrel flares to life.
"What are we supposed to sing?" Yixing blinks in amusement as Victoria finishes lighting the wicks and slides the cake stand in front of his place at the table.
"I dunno, pick your favorite song?"
"Hm, now that is hard, it might take me a few weeks to figure out my favorite..." Yixing taps his chin with a thoughtful finger.
"Weeks?" Jongdae gasps, his eyes widening in horror. "Inexpedient!" He opens his mouth as wide as it will go, eyes clenched shut until the corners of his eyes crease like wrinkled crayon wrappers, and starts to sing the jingle from the TV commercial for his favorite cereal.
Yixing listens with a gaping mouth of amazement, his slack lips curving up into a grin as Jongdae finishes the last line of the ditty with a sustained high note. "Bravo!" he claps as soon as Jongdae sinks back into his seat, flushed and with a satisfied smile. "You didn't tell me your kids could sing, too! Any other hidden talents lined up for me to enjoy this evening?"
"Ah, I don't know if you can call graffiti-ing my vintage European wallpaper entertainment," Joonmyun groans, his voice sliding into a laugh. He's grinning as he accepts a plate of cake from Victoria though, because he can't hide his pleasure at hearing his talented offspring extolled.
Jongin makes a funny face and coughs into his napkin, dropping the yellow and pink striped candle he just licked clean. Joonmyun shoots him a look of concern but Jongin returns him a wobbly smile, scraping a thin bite of cake onto his fork. He plunges it between his lips as Yixing follows suit with a large chunk of the fluffy cake balanced on the tines of his fork.
Luhan is the next to splutter, spewing his first bite back onto his plate as Yixing coughs delicately into his glass of water. "Don't--don't eat it," Luhan says in a shaky voice before Joonmyun can taste his own forkful. "It's really--salty!" He gags and grabs Jongin's drink, gulping it down like a camel arrived at an oasis after a long desert trek. "I'm--!"
"I'm really sorry guys!" Joonmyun cuts in before Luhan can choke out his next sentence. "I must have mixed up the salt and sugar while I was baking today!"
Luhan flaps his lips like a fish for a moment before his expression settles into a grateful pout. Joonmyun inclines his head in a slight shake and Luhan flashes him a hand heart before Yixing can turn his head to notice their interaction.
"Oh, so this is your surprise, Joonmyun?" Yixing chuckles, his voice grating on another slight cough as he pats Joonmyun's shoulder. "The aesthetic is great but… That's ok! We'll work on cake baking in our class this weekend! You'll get the hang of it, eventually."
"Thanks," Joonmyun smiles, trying his best to look sheepish about the incident. "And really, sorry!"
"No harm done!" Victoria whisks their plates into a haphazard stack and hefts the pile in her arms. "I'll be right back with the triple fudge ice cream, folks!" Both the boys cheer in response, Jongin getting up to return the uneaten cake to the kitchen.
"Yeah, no harm at all!" Yixing leans back in his chair to stretch. His eyes twinkle as he studies Joonmyun's face. "I'm just glad you didn't get generous with the baking powder! That would have been a bitter mistake."
"Ahah! Bitter!" Luhan laughs as if Yixing just made a hilarious pun, but Joonmyun's smile just tightens because he has no idea what baking powder is.
They demolish the entire quart of chocolate ice cream until nothing's left but a few dark drips in the bottom of their bowls. Jongdae is falling asleep against his father's shoulder as Joonmyun helps Victoria stack the empty dishes.
"Looks like it's just about bedtime." Yixing voice is soft as he lifts his napkin from his lap and folds it into a neat triangle on the table. "I'd best be on my way, then."
"Thanks for coming!" Luhan says with a wink, and Yixing grins back.
"Thank you all for having me, I've quite enjoyed myself this evening!"
"Yeah, we'll have to do this again some time!" Joonmyun escorts his guests to the front door, flipping on the porch light so Yixing can find his way back to his car on the dark driveway. "Just give me a ring--or Luhan, I guess--when you've a free evening to spare us."
"Will do!" Yixing tweaks Jongdae's cheeks before hopping down the front steps.
"Thanks for the food coloring!" Victoria waves from the doorway. "And take care, Xing!"
"Night, guys!"
Joonmyun waits until Yixing's Camry disappears around the corner before closing the front door and sliding the chain lock across the frame. The last thing he sees through the front window as he's drawing the curtains is Luhan whooping in triumph as he crosses the strip of grass between their houses with a leap, his kilts swinging in the midsummer night's breeze. Joonmyun shakes his head, though he might as well consider the evening a success on Luhan's account, anyway. And it's always a pleasure to make a new friend.
✌ ✌ ✌
(part one here) (part three here)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Suho-centric with hinted at Xiuho and Subaek,[endgame spoiler]endgame Subaek ^^; side!Layhan (side!Taosoo if you squint)
Length: 58,825 words
Summary: Sometimes Joonmyun feels claustrophobic living in a small town where literally the entire population knows either him, his mother, or his kids (or his weird and annoying next door neighbor). But when a mysterious young man arrives to fill in as his new intern for the summer, Joonmyun’s not sure he likes the change, either.
Warning/s: weird!Luhan, language, kid!Jongin, kid!Jongdae,[Spoiler (click to open)]mentions of feminine hygiene products; mentions of Suho and Kyungsoo having been previously married to women
A/N: *sad laughter that fades off into the gloaming* originally posted for Suholiday 2015
"So that is the spooning method for measuring baking flour! You can check the chart at the front of your instruction manuals for a breakdown of the different types of flours and their properties and traditional uses." The instructor dusts the flour from his palms and wipes them on his green apron, leaving a pair of white hand prints smeared down the pockets. "Your stations should be equipped with everything you need for today's cooking experiments! But just let me know if you can't find something and I'll pop over to assist you."
The students stationed around the room, each wrapped in a matching forest green apron of their own, nod their heads and mumble in unison.
"Great!" the instructor says, "oh! By the way, I guess I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Yixing, but you can call me anything if you can't remember my name. Just holler at me and I'll come running. Are there any questions so far?"
No one raises their hand. Yixing steps down from the raised platform at the front of the room and plunges into his audience to wander between the tables of cooking stations. The students are paired up at the long tables, each topped with stainless steel counters and sporting two layers of shelving underneath.
Joonmyun is, of course, stuck with Luhan. Fortunately for both of them, Luhan is dressed in a rather normal, though rather shapeless and baggy T-shirt and cargo shorts. Joonmyun would have sunk his claws into the doorpost and refused to let Luhan drag him out of the house this morning if he was still impersonating the circus pony or--god forbid--wearing the little mermaid inspired get up he'd gone grocery shopping in on Saturday. Joonmyun and the kids ran into him at the produce section and had the privilege of traipsing with him arm-in-arm through the rest of the store, much to Joonmyun’s personal horror and embarrassment.
"So, flour!" Luhan sets a blue plastic measuring cup on the counter and slides the glass bowl of all purpose flour across to Joonmyun. "Will you do the honors?"
Joonmyun ignores him, still studying the table of contents at the front of the laminated instruction booklet. "Um," he hums in confusion, scanning the list of recipes and dishes listed on the course. Most of the words are in French, and he doesn't see anything familiar other than Basic Pound Cake and Classic Toll House Chocolate Chippers.
"Hey guys!" Yixing swings around the corner of the table to lean his elbows onto their counter. "Did you have a question?"
"Yes, I do." Joonmyun taps the laminated menu, his finger as insistent as if one of the secretaries just handed him a memorandum bristling with typos. "When do we learn to make taco meat?"
Luhan scrunches his nose in an unattractive snort a second before Yixing's calm composure dissolves into a hoot of laughter. "Taco meat!" the instructor gasps, "why would we learn about taco meat in a baking course?"
Joonmyun glares in continued confusion, first at the booklet, then at Luhan's disgusting, evil grin, and then at the instructor. Yixing is still struggling to regain his composure by pressing his lips together to hold back another laugh.
"I thought this was supposed to be a cooking class!"
"A small and unimportant distinction of the details," Luhan shrugs, and dumps a heaping spoonful of flour into their measuring cup. A cloud of the white powder sifts up and outwards, like a mushroom cloud of Joonmyun's taco cooking dreams disappearing into apocalyptic smoke.
"I should've known you'd mess this up somehow," Joonmyun hisses as soon as Yixing glides away out of earshot. He feels a slight thrill of satisfaction at Luhan's wounded expression, the way his eyes widen in affronted shock as Joonmyun's narrow.
"But Yixing's only teaching baking courses this summer," Luhan protests, “and the community center coordinator, Mrs. Eckert, you know, she insisted that we had to join his class. That he's the absolute best."
"I see." Joonmyun picks up the rubberized handle of the measuring spoon and starts to brush excess flour from the heaping mound in the measuring cup back into the bowl.
"Excuse me for being rude, but you're doing that wrong." A short guy in baggy black cargo pants and a matching black T-shirt turns around from the table beside them, a challenging scowl darkening his face. "You're supposed to use the flat edge of a knife blade to level it off. Don't use a spoon, you'll just pack it down."
"Knife?" Joonmyun blinks at the pair of owlish eyes staring back at him without blinking. He hadn't been paying much attention to Yixing's introductory speech, he'll be the first to admit. It had started out all perky and cheery, Yixing cracking jokes and then looking surprised when the audience laughed in response. But once the instructor started waxing eloquent about the difference between all purpose flour and self-rising flour Joonmyun's attention took a hike.
"Knife. That thing." The other guy points to a stainless steel utensil lying next to the small scale on the counter. It doesn't look very much like a knife, more like an overgrown butter knife than anything, with a wide, flat blade and no serrated edge. "It's actually a spatula for spreading frosting, but it can double as a knife for bread dough or for measuring flour."
"Huh, really?" Joonmyun asks in surprise, picking up the implement to turn the handle over in his hand. The hilt is heavy, weighted to give it a nice balance against the blade.
"Next time you should pay more attention during explanations, so you don't slow things down too much for the rest of us."
"Soo!" a much taller guy hisses, tugging on his partner's apron strings. "Soo, you shouldn't tell people things like that! This is the very first day of the very first session, so you should be nice!"
The guy in black just rolls his eyes, pulling away from his partner. "I didn't come here to be nice to people, Chanyeol. I came here to enjoy myself. To destress. God, why am I even explaining this to you, this was all your idea, anyway."
Joonmyun's lips twitch into a wry smile at that, since apparently he's not the only one who was dragged here by an enthusiastic friend. Or boyfriend. He squints a little closer at the pair standing across from him and Luhan, at the way Chanyeol's large hands hover over the shorter man's shoulders and waist without actually touching.
"Hi! I'm Chanyeol Park, and this here is Kyungsoo!" Chanyeol pats Kyungsoo's shoulders with his floppy hands as he introduces them. "Soo is really nice, he just pretends to be a snapping turtle sometimes. But don't worry! He'll get used to you."
I hope so, Joonmyun doesn't say, opting instead to give both of his new acquaintances a polite smile. "Hello, I'm Joonmyun. And this is--" Joonmyun turns to gesture at Luhan but finds the space beside his at the counter unoccupied. "Oh dear, well I don't know where my partner's gotten off to, but I came here with my friend. His name is Luhan."
"It's really nice to meet you!" Chanyeol gives a mock salute, knocking his hand into the brim of his baseball cap. "I hope you have fun, and uh, learn lots!"
"Thank you," Joonmyun answers in a careful voice, a little wary of his classmate's enthusiasm. "Are you one of the instructors here? Maybe for one of the other courses?"
Kyungsoo snorts, dumping his meticulously measured cup of flour into a waiting mixing bowl. "As if. The current extent of Chanyeol's culinary repertoire includes cereal, scrambled eggs, and spaghetti. And by spaghetti, I mean the nasty stuff out of the can with that horrid sweet tomato sauce." Kyungsoo gives a little shiver, his narrow shoulders rustling in the wide sleeves of his oversized T-shirt.
"Hey!" Chanyeol gives a low hum, clapping Kyungsoo on both of his shoulders again. "I can make ice cream sundaes too! Don't forget about those."
"As if ice cream counts as a dish." Kyungsoo gives his head a sad shake and returns to measuring out his second cup of flour.
Chanyeol shrugs and works on rolling up his sleeves, careful to keep each fold accurate so the fabric won't bunch up at his elbows. "Anyway, it's great to meet you, Joonmyun!"
Joonmyun likes the way his name sounds in Chanyeol's rich, deep voice, like melted chocolate over salted caramel. Kyunsoo's voice is more like the flour dusting all three of their hands, dry and pure white, as crisp as artificial snow.
"Thanks, it's great to meet you all too!"
That's when Luhan decides to wander back, looking like the cat who who just gulped a few liters of cream. "Hello, dear neighbor!" His palm thwacks Joonmyun on the back, right between the shoulders blade, no doubt leaving a dusty hand print. "What did I miss while I was gone?"
"Eh, nothing on the cooking end. But shall I introduce you to our classmates?" Joonmyun takes a step back and waves to his new friends. "This is Chanyeol, and that's Kyungsoo."
"Awww!" Luhan makes a hand heart against his chest and waves. "I'm Myunnie's next door neighbor and bosom friend, Luhan. Very pleased to make you all's acquaintance! You look so cute together, may I add!"
"Oh, uh, we're not together!" Chanyeol says with a nervous laugh, stumbling back as he releases his hold on Kyungsoo's shoulders.
Kyungsoo just blinks at Luhan, unperturbed as he spoons flour into the measuring cup a second time. "I'm married, actually. And she's a bitch, so I've sworn off love and relationships in general as soon as the divorce goes through."
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" Luhan looks to Joonmyun with a worried frown, giving him a rapid blink as he bites his lips. "I didn't mean to..."
"Yes, I'm sorry to hear that as well," Joonmyun murmurs. He rests a placating hand on Luhan's shoulder. He knows his friend wasn't trying to be rude. Luhan just gets too excited over cute things, whether it's a kindergarten couple holding hands on the playground, or a tousle of newborn puppies sleeping in a heap in cardboard box on a neighbor's porch.
"It's over, no regrets, #yolo, etc." Kyungsoo shrugs and drops the spatula slash knife thing back on the counter. "And thank you for your condolences. I'll need all the well wishes I can get since I'm moving in with him." He stabs a finger in Chanyeol's direction. "He's the only friend hospitable enough to put up with me, which means I'm stuck hanging out with the giant indefinitely."
"If you ever need a fun place to hang out, you can always come over to Myun's house!" Luhan pats Joonmyun on the head, scrunching his fingers in his hair like Joonmyun is his pet dog in need of a scratch behind the ears. "His house is really cool! He has chandeliers and a spiral staircase. And also kids!"
"Hey cool! Chandeliers? Really?"
"Wait wait wait!" Joonmyun ignores Chanyeol and pushes Luhan's arm away, turning to pout at him. "Why my house? You can't invite other people over to someone else's house! That's against the rules of hospitality, Luhan!"
"Says who?" Luhan grins, and keeps scrunching Joonmyun's hair. "By the way, I needed to get Yixing's phone number, so to make the transaction more natural I invited him over for dinner next Thursday. Turns out he knows Vic, so it'll be the perfect dinner party, eh?"
"Luhan..." Joonmyun feels torn between laughing sadly at the ceiling and dumping the flour bowl over Luhan's head. Snowman would be a good look on his neighbor, since his manners are an abomination, after all.
But since Yixing knows Victoria and Mrs. Eckert from the community center, chances are he also knows Joonmyun's mother. Sooner or later, Joonmyun will probably have to invite Yixing over as part of his mother's gardening club fundraiser, or an honorary member of the badminton charity league, so he might as well get it over with and be social now. There's really no fighting Luhan when he gets his heart set on a prize. Wait...
"So, that's all settled then! I knew you wouldn't refuse me!" Luhan gives Joonmyun an exaggerated wink, the corners of his eyes creasing into starbursts of bright enthusiasm. Kyungsoo's lips press together in a tight bow like he's trying to hold back an amused grin.
Joonmyun gives him a shaky smile before turning to hiss at Luhan, "but why do you need Yixing's phone number?" Luhan's cheshire grin that spreads even wider as he rocks on his heels is starting to give Joonmyun a most unpleasant sort of shivers.
"Oh, just so I can text him recipes and ideas if I get sudden baking inspiration! And then if I ever work on a script about a bakery I'll have his number handy for consultation. No special reason." Luhan whistles through his teeth as he tips their next cup of flour into the bowl and promptly sneezes on the cloud of dust.
"Yeah, Xing's pretty chill,” Chanyeol confirms, twisting the heavy ring on his pinky. “I've known him since college. We were both in the music department together."
"Oh cool!" Luhan's eyes widen into uneven ovals, nearly the size of the small brown eggs lined on the counter in front of them. "Does he sing? Play piano? Please tell me everything!"
"Yes to all of the above!" Chanyeol's eyes sparkle as Kyungsoo's roll in fatigue. "But mainly he plays guitar. His hands are quite talented." Chanyeol follows up that statement with a wink that has Luhan clawing at Joonmyun's forearm like a distressed kitten.
"Does someone have a little crush?" Chanyeol singsongs, and this time Joonmyun feels like face planting in the mixing bowl because suddenly everything makes sense.
"Luhan," he murmurs in a weak voice, "please tell me you didn't invite our cooking instructor over because you’re planning to hit on him in front of my innocent children."
"Noooo! Why would I do that?" Luhan shakes his head until the wisps of his tousled blonde hair whip above his eyebrows. "Jongdae would probably sabotage my wooing attempts, anyway. Oh hey, Yixing is looking our way! Smile!" Luhan hisses. He grabs Joonmyun's hand and lifts it like a sock puppet to wave at their instructor.
Yixing gives Luhan a wink in return before noticing Joonmyun, at which he rolls his shoulders forward in a shallow bow and mouths, "see you Thursday!" before turning to help another student near the front.
"See?" Luhan hums in triumph, pushing up his sleeves to grab an egg in each hand. "Thursday is gonna be fun!"
✌ ✌ ✌
When Joonmyun marches out through the opening doors of the elevator onto the fifth floor of his downtown office building, fun is the last thought on his mind. Monday mornings carry a special sort of thrill to him, like the burn of caffeine at the back of his throat after a weekend of sleeping in. He knows it's silly, but there's always a small slice of his mind that is anxious to get back to the office to check up on things. He needs to make sure the copy machine didn't run out of cyan ink, that there are no emergency emails lurking in the general inbox that Amber forgot to forward him, and that the office building hasn’t--god forbid--burned to the ground.
Joonmyun knows it's ridiculous to worry about things like that. His team in the Fresh Fresh branch are all hard workers with enough foresight to anticipate and take care of any incidents under their control. And the rest of the potential disasters on his worry list--well, there's no use worrying about the things no one can predict, Joonmyun tells himself as he strips off his suit jacket and lays it over the arms of his extra chair.
He fills his favorite mug with coffee from the carafe in the hall and settles into his chair to pull up his email. The floor is still quiet at this hour, most of the cubicles empty under the darkened overhead lights. Joonmyun likes being one of the first to arrive, both due to his need to check on things before the rest of the team shows up, and also because he abhors idling on the highway in end-to-end rush hour traffic. He rarely beats Amber to the office, though, and he appreciates her loyalty as well as the fresh coffee waiting on the refreshment table in the mornings.
He inhales the soft wisps of steam wafting up from his Donald Duck coffee mug, one that Jongdae picked out for him at Disneyworld last winter. There's a few chinks in the handle from when Jongdae tried to wash the dishes all by himself early one Saturday at 4 AM, but Joonmyun adores the memories attached to this cup too much to replace it with a generic one from the department store.
His email loads to display a few dozen new messages of varying degrees of urgency. Joonmyun keeps tabs on his work emails on the weekends, skimming the notifications on his phone. He doesn't bother with replies unless it's something truly urgent though, since he values the free time and wants to focus on spending the precious hours at home with his family. That's another reason he shows up at 6 AM on Mondays, to power through the messages before it’s time to get down to business.
He fires off a few complaints to distributors to check up on overdue supply deliveries and bookmarks several threads for follow up that need verification with some of the other team members. Pushing his chair back from his desk with a satisfied sigh, Joonmyun stands to stretch out his back. TIme to go top off his coffee and check the ink levels on the copy machines.
The door to the copy room is cracked open, and light spills through at the end of the hallway as Joonmyun approaches. Amber must be in there, sorting out the preliminary drafts of the financial report he has to present to the board members on Tuesday. Joonmyun picks up his pace, parking himself just in front of the door.
"Hi~" Joonmyun calls through the narrow opening, stretching his lips wide to give his best Stitch impersonation. Ever since Amber caught him practicing the dialogues from Lilo & Stitch with Jongdae in the break room one time, that's been their customary greeting to each other when none of the other staff is around.
Joonmyun frowns when no immediate answer is forthcoming. He presses his cheek to the cool wood laminate of the door and tries again, "hello~! Goowud morlneeng!"
The door is flung open, knocking Joonmyun off balance. His steaming hot coffee, freshly refilled to the brim, splashes down the front of his gray linen slacks and pale lavender shirt and paints the length of the door frame.
"Oh--! My god!"
Standing in the doorway is not Amber as expected, but a guy just a little taller than Joonmyun, his eyes spread wide behind a pair of dark frames. He's wearing an expensive looking suit, accented with expert tailoring around the bust and shoulders, but his frizzy bleached brown hair pokes out from the band of a ball cap with the brim turned backwards. "You scared the shhh--andelier out of me!" he gasps with a shudder, and Joonmyun glimpses a wad of gum mashed between his back molars.
"Yes, well," Joonmyun sniffs, trying to steady his shaking fingers around the handle of his mug as he wipes at the coffee dripping from his nose and chin with his other hand. The scalding liquid is still searing the fronts of his thighs, and the front of his shirt is soaked through and clinging to his chest. "I thought you were Amber. Where on earth is Amber? If she's not--in here?"
Joonmyun knows he's not making much sense, but he's too shaken up and in serious discomfort due his second morning shower to explain in more eloquent terms. Not to mention his ribs are collapsing in on his curdling stomach due to the embarrassment consuming his dripping face in flames.
The way the guy--dude--person intruding in his office and his sacred copy room has Joonmyun flustered. The way his dark eyes and gaping mouth continue to trace the length of Joonmyun's soaked torso, from his shiny belt buckle up to the dark liquid accumulating in a ticklish puddle at his collarbones, is especially unnerving.
"I don't know who Amber is, sorry." He pulls on the band of his cap and has the decency to look apologetic once he's done ogling Joonmyun's chest through his ruined shirt. "And sorry for, uh, the mishap here." His voice is calm, as if this were an accident and not completely his fault for banging the door open like a hyperactive four-year-old.
Even Jongdae knows better, Joonmyun thinks with a huff, opening his mouth to demand an explanation for why this person has intruded on the sanctuary of his office on a perfectly nice and peaceful Monday morning before 7:00 AM.
"But, wow!" The dude in the doorway flashes Joonmyun with the grayish lump of his chewing gum again as he laughs aloud. "Did you really just greet me in a Stitch voice? Or was I imagining things? I'm usually not fully awake at this god-awful hour." He yawns, not bothering to cover his mouth or its contents with his hand, and Joonmyun frowns in distaste.
"No, I didn't greet you, to be exact. I thought I was speaking to Amber, my secretary."
"Ahhh!" The guy throws his head back in a slow nod, the brim of his cap nudging the back of his starched shirt collar. "You must be Director Kim then? I'm Baekhyun, the newbie. Pleased to make your acquaintance." He stretches out his right hand for a shake, but Joonmyun gives him a tight smile, wiping his damp palm on his soaking pants. Baekhyun seems to get the idea, dropping his hand back to his side.
"I didn't realize you'd show up quite so...on time." Joonmyun's left eye twitches as he suddenly remembers he's wearing his favorite wristwatch today, an antique timepiece that is currently trapped under the sodden cuff of his shirt.
"Ah yeah, well! Didn't want to be late on the first day, you know!" Baekhyun scratches at the lobe of his ear, eyeing Joonmyun with a nervous smile. "Amber let me in before she went down to pick up the bagel delivery from the lobby. I was trying to figure out the copy machine but...there's some kind of error message?"
"Error? What kind of--!"
"Ah, I'm not too sure, sorry!" Baekhyun shrugs and Joonmyun can feel his heart sinking along with the tailored corners of his new intern's shoulders. "I'm not that great with technical stuff."
Joonmyun takes a deep breath, shifting his shoes in the brown puddle collecting on the tile at his feet as he tries to ignore the flood of mental images of flashing warning lights and out-of-ink notices plaguing his beloved copy machine. First things first. "I'd be happy to show you around, and help you with the copier. But perhaps you'll excuse me to the restroom momentarily. The janitor will be very unhappy with me if I track this mess all over the building."
"Oh, of course! I'll just--" Baekhyun glances between the empty copy room and the Men's room at the other end of the hall. "I'll just sit tight in here, boss! Take your time changing!"
"Thank you," Joonmyun sighs, and waddles away to go get cleaned up. "Try not to break or spill anything while I’m gone, please."
"Roger that!" Baekhyun salutes, and slips back through the open doorway.
✌ ✌ ✌
"Hey!" Luhan raps on the screen door before pushing into the house. He neglects to wipe his unlaced work boots on the mat and traipses right into the living room. "Yo, Myun! Hullo, Vic!"
Joonmyun peels his gaze away from the financial column in the daily paper to give his neighbor a weak smile. "Um, hi. You're early. Was there a change in plans, or...?"
Victoria backs out of the pantry with a few boxes of pasta stacked in her arms. "Oh Lu! please don't tell me he's coming early. I haven't started prepping the salad and Jongdae still hasn't had his bath yet." She tosses the pasta onto the counter. The dry rotini pieces hiss against the insides of the cardboard boxes.
"Do you want me to get him into the tub?" Joonmyun folds the paper in quarters and is halfway out of his seat before Victoria nudges him back onto the chair with a poke at his shoulder.
"You stay put, Mr. Kim. You've been on your feet all day. Unless you really want to do the honors."
Joonmyun gives her a tired smile and slumps against the chair back. He takes over most of the childcare tasks when he's around so he can spend more time with the boys, but Jongdae's bath time is an event he doesn't mind missing out on a few nights a week. Jongdae hates soap and toothpaste almost as much as he hates getting wet. The adult in charge of getting him clean has to physically haul him into the filled tub. From there it's a harrying six or seven minutes of flinging water and high pitched screams as someone tries to wipe down his limbs with a cloth and rub shampoo into the ends of his hair.
In the winter it's not as bad because he can get by with a bath every other day, but in the summer it's a struggle every night. Jongdae comes in with feet blackened on the bottoms from running around barefoot on the asphalt and kneeling in the mud. Even on Joonmyun's most exhausting days there's no way he'll let his little munchkin crawl between the clean bed sheets that filthy. The whole family is dreading the day when Jongdae gets strong enough to fight his way out, but hopefully by then he'll have developed his own sense of appreciation for personal hygiene.
"You," Victoria demands, brandishing a rubber spatula in Luhan's direction and pulling Joonmyun from his musings. "why are you here and what do you need?"
"Wow, so welcoming and friendly." Luhan slides his hips onto the kitchen table to perch on the corner of it as his seat. "All I wanted was to wish you all a Happy Midsummer's Thursday. And also to borrow some sugar?" He bats his eyelashes as he extends a tin measuring cup to Victoria.
She narrows her eyes as she rips off the freshness seal at the top of a pasta box. "I'm not loaning you anything until you promise it's for good and not for evil. I don't want to held responsible as an accomplice if the fire department shows up in the neighborhood, but on your doorstep for once."
"Hey! Since when have I done anything remotely evil in anyone's kitchen!" Luhan recoils in feigned horror and almost falls off his perch.
"You seem to have selective memory issues," Joonmyun hums from behind his newspaper. "Although I don't blame you. I envy your subconscious and it's ability to block from memory that green slime incident you and Jongdae cooked up in the kitchen last winter. And does the “Boston Creme Pie Massacre” ring any bells?"
Luhan is glaring at him when Joonmyun dares to peek over the top of his pages with a pointed smirk. "For your information, I'm trying to do you all a favor. I'm baking us a cake to bring to dinner, but unfortunately I ran short on dark brown sugar." Luhan sighs, and even the wiry waves of his hair wilt along with his posture.
"Ah, trying to impress the dinner company, are we?" Victoria teases, but she's already opening the pantry door to pull out the sack of sugar. "Here, how much do you need?"
"A cupful." He hands over the measuring cup so she can pack down the sugar with the back of a spoon. "Thanks, Vic! I owe you one." Luhan blows her a kiss as he accepts the full cup from her sticky fingers.
"No problem, just try not to set anything on fire like this idiot, ok?" She rinses the granules from her fingers in the sink and flicks the excess water at Joonmyun's face. He shields himself with the pages of the sports section before resurfacing to shoot her a dirty look. "And don't worry, Lu, no matter what happens with the cake. I'll make sure to burn the pasta sauce just a little so my cooking doesn't show yours up." She winks as she scrubs her dripping palms on a towel.
"As if!" Luhan tugs the wrinkles out of the canvas fishing vest thrown over a paint stained T-shirt and his faded cutoffs. "No need to dumb down the level of your cooking expertise, dear neighbor! My baking skills can stand on their own two feet."
Joonmyun snorts as Luhan wiggles his fingers like he's about to perform a magic trick at some poor kid's birthday party. "I think most cake stands only have one foot, Lu. But good luck anyway, I think you'll need it."
Luhan scoffs, scraping the toe of his dirty boot along the clean tiles next to Joonmyun's chair. "We shall see about that! Failmyun!"
"Don't forget to change before you come back for dinner, Lu!" Victoria calls after him as the screen door bangs shut.
He doesn't return until three hours later at the appointed dinner hour, this time in a clean plaid shirt and a tartan kilt. The color scheme makes Joonmyun's eye ache, the flamingo pink and orange sherbert stripes of the shirt clashing royally with the deep reds and greens of the pleated folds swishing at the backs of his knees. At least he's not in zebra stripes though, and Joonmyun consoles himself with the thought that at least Luhan's lower half will be concealed under the drape of the tablecloth for most of the evening.
"Why are you at the back door?" Joonmyun holds the screen door open as Victoria accepts the cake keeper from Luhan's arms.
"Shhh! Is he here yet? Or should I go hide in the bathroom?" Luhan hisses in a whisper, creeping into the back hall on tip-toe.
"You mean Yixing? No, not yet. But no one is hiding in my bathroom!" Joonmyun sighs. He knows what it's like to feel nervous before a date, getting his hopes up for yet another disappointment when the person across from him at the restaurant makes a disparaging comment about children or previously married men before he has a chance to convince them otherwise with his charm. But Luhan is being ridiculous, Yixing isn't even his date (yet). And besides, the bathroom still looks like a warzone after Jongdae's shower, and Luhan's arrival interrupted Joonmyun's emergency clean up endeavors.
"You may have a seat and a glass of milk while we wait, though."
Luhan follows Joonmyun's gesture to see the boys sitting around the kitchen table, gulping down twin glasses of milk while they share the comics spread from the paper.
"Hey, guys!"
"Hi, Uncle Lu!" The unbuttoned cuff of Jongin's purple and black flannel shirt flaps at his wrist when he waves. Joonmyun can't understand how he isn't suffocating in such a warm shirt in the summer weather, but as long as his son isn't endangering his health he won't say anything about Jongin's self expression through the medium of fashion, alternative though it may be.
"Yo, kids! How's my man, Jongdae?" Luhan ruffles Jongdae's hair with his knuckles.
"Please examine!" Jongdae holds up a fold of the newsprint, the stock reports Joonmyun only got halfway through scanning before he got called away on bathroom duty. The margins are now covered in a complex series of abstract swirls with a T-rex emerging from the center of the Dow Jones' quotes.
"Um, wow," Luhan coughs out as he takes a seat, once again, on the edge of the table, completely ignoring the chair Joonmyun just pulled out for him. "That dino looks so real it could eat my fingers off! Do you contract your kid to draw product logos, Myun?"
Joonmyun rolls his eyes and passes Luhan the glass of milk when Victoria finishes filling it over the sink. "Child labor is illegal, Lu. Don't even think about recruiting my baby for your nefarious evil doings."
"Why does everyone keep calling me evil? I swear the cake turned out like a dreamboat! Like a slice of heaven!" Luhan’s face morphs from a stormy pout into beams of proud sunshine as he points at the plastic cake keeper on the counter.
"Oh really?" Victoria pops the frosted plastic lid off with careful fingers. The cake underneath does indeed look like a heavenly confection, the layers a perfect round shape, stacked evenly under a coating of pale pink frosting styled in delicate swirls. "Hm, not bad! I just hope the flavor measures up to expectation," she teases with a wink as she places the box out of the way next to the toaster.
"No worries there." Luhan brushes imaginary dust from both of his shoulders, and Joonmyun is surprised he doesn't have a pair of epaulets pinned on to match his tasseled sporran.
"By the way, nice kilt. Are you working on the screenplay for Braveheart: The Sequel?" Victoria turns off the stove burner and props a steel colander over the ledge of the double-basin sink. A rich cloud of starchy steam perfumes the air, drifting out through the open window above the sink when she dumps out the pasta for rinsing.
"Excuse you, no! We're working on a biographical documentary on the life of Andrew Carnegie, the ultimate rags-to-riches story reexamined through the post modern lens." Luhan straightens the heavy gilt pin attached at his hip. "This is obviously a study of the man in his later years."
"Hey, Dae, why don't you show Uncle Lu the new piece you’re learning on the piano?" Joonmyun suggests as he ducks into the hall.
"Affirmative!" Jongdae slips to the floor and scampers past his family into the living room, where the ledge of the upright is already strewn with the pages of his new sheet music.
"Daaamn, Myun!" Joonmyun hears Luhan's impressed whistle as he returns to the bathroom to finish wiping up the puddles on the floor. "Your kid's already tackling Chopin? Can I claim him as my offspring in front of your dinner guest? Or like, claim relation to the family in general to capitalize on the musical genius flowing through you all's veins?"
"Um, don't you already claim to be an honorary Kim family member?" That's Jongin's voice, and Joonmyun smiles in pride as he slings a wad of hair from the shower drain into the bathroom trash.
"Aye, aye, sonny! That I do!" Luhan replies in a butchered Irish accent, and Joonmyun once again reconsiders the meaning of his life goals, as well as the validity of his earlier statement about no hiding in the bathroom.
Jongdae gets a few bars into the first etude, stumbling a bit with the phrasing but hitting more or less the right chords. The bell rings as Joonmyun is wiping his hands on the fresh towel he just threw over the rack in the bathroom. He hurries down the hall to open the front door, putting his most hospitable smile into place as he he unlatches the brass handle.
"Good evening, and welcome to my home!" Joonmyun offers Yixing his hand for a shake before ushering him into the entryway.
"It's nice to see you again, Mr. Kim!" Yixing is in summer weight casual wear much the same as Joonmyun’s, but he doesn't seem perturbed by Luhan's interesting choice of outfit when the other guest shoulders his way in beside Joonmyun.
"Hey, man! Thanks for coming over!" Luhan guides Yixing through the foyer to the dining room with a friendly hand on his elbow. Joonmyun rolls his eyes at the sculpted plaster of his foyer ceiling, a bit annoyed but also relieved that Luhan has apparently decided to take over the role of host for this evening.
"Oh, and this is for you, Mr. Kim!" Yixing stops in the entrance to the dining room, turning to hand Joonmyun a small cardboard box printed with rainbow swirls. "Those are some all natural, certified organic food dyes for your future baking adventures!"
"Please, just call me Joonmyun!" he says as he accepts the gift, realizing that he doesn't even know Yixing's surname. "And goodness, you didn't have to bring me anything!"
"Aw, of course I did!" Yixing's friendly smile extends to his kind eyes, his whole face glowing with warmth as he pats Luhan's hand still clasped at his elbow. His smile is handsome, bringing out the dimples in his chin, and Joonmyun feels a tingle of envy at Luhan's good taste. "Apologies if I'm intruding. Lu assured me with a dictionary of emoticons that I wasn't, and to be honest, I could never turn down a home cooked meal by Vic."
"Oh, not at all!" Joonmyun smiles again, starting to relax with Yixing's easy manners. "We're almost ready to eat, but let me call the kids. I think they're still messing around on the piano." The strains of music still echo from the hall, but the boys have switched up their repertoire. It sounds like Jongin is plunking out "Heart and Soul" at the end of the keyboard while Jongdae adds a descant of trickling chords on the highest octave.
"Ooh, piano! Do you play too?" Yixing pulls a chair out from the table to take a seat. The wooden feet scud over the matted pile of the faded wool rug as Joonmyun backs into the hall.
"Nah, but their mother did." Joonmyun gives him another smile before swinging out of the room as Luhan climbs into the seat across from Yixing's. "Hey guys! It's time to eat! Don't forget to be polite when you greet our guest, ok?"
"Acknowledged!" Jongin calls, hopping down from the piano bench to help his brother scoot it up to the keyboard. They file into the dining room after Joonmyun, Victoria bringing up the rear with a steaming pot of homemade marinara that's been simmering on the back burner since breakfast.
"I hope you all are hungry!" she says, offering the pasta server to Yixing before lifting the warming towel from a tray of garlic bread. "Oh, but be sure and save some room for dessert, we have a special surprise!"
"Oh yeah?" Yixing looks up from his plate. His lips form a curious 'o' as he blinks in languid brushes of his eyelashes. "And who is responsible for arranging this surprise?" He cocks an eyebrow at Victoria, and then Joonmyun, but neither of them say anything as Luhan bounces and grins in his chair.
"Surprise," Jongdae grunts. He's propped higher than all of them tonight, the final compromise to conclude the power struggle over the booster seat situation being one half of the phone book pile stacked on his red plastic seat. "That meaning is anticipate, not interrogate!"
"Shh!" Joonmyun hisses, "don't be rude, Dae!" but Yixing winks at Jongdae and then his father.
"That's ok, Joonmyun. The kid's right. I'll just have to sit tight and anticipate!" Yixing hands down the tureen of tomato sauce after ladling a crimson flood over the top of his curly noodles. Joonmyun has to look away in disgust as Luhan makes sheep eyes at the Yixing as he accepts the sauce from him.
The rest of the dinner goes smoothly though, once everyone has a pile of food on their plate. Jongdae focuses on slicing his rotini apart into thin disks of severed noodle. He chews each one thoroughly before slicing the next so he's too busy to spout anymore inflammatory comments. Jongin power chews through his first helping before scarfing down two more, and Victoria looks pleased as the peachy pink icing on Luhan's cake when Yixing accepts seconds and thirds as well.
Luhan is unusually quiet once the meal gets underway. He stirs his noodles around with his fork until the dark green leaves of the wilted salad mix into the jumble of pasta and mushrooms and sauce. The conversation flows easily enough though, Victoria quizzing Yixing on the details of what's been up to since college their days, since the two apparently attended the same school as Chanyeol.
That's not much of a surprise, really. Most of the high school graduates from the towns around the area attend one of the local public universities. Joonmyun's the odd one out for having gone away to another city to study business. It's not much of a surprise either, then, that Victoria knows Chanyeol too, though she doesn't mention him much or at all. The name had sounded familiar though when Joonmyun met him in the cooking workshop on Saturday, so she must've mentioned him and Joonmyun hadn't remembered he heard the name from her at some point.
"Is everybody ready for dessert?" Victoria asks, scraping the last of the salad in with the cold veggies. All that's left of the garlic bread is a few crumbled bits of crust dotting the woven napkin, and the remaining pasta is the just the right amount for Joonmyun to take in his lunch box to work tomorrow. "Anyone want the rest of the noodles? Yixing? Lu? Myun?"
They all shake their heads, murmuring their compliments to the chef as she stands to carry the serving dishes into the kitchen. Jongin hops up to help, and Joonmyun gives him an approving nod as he balances the the heavy dish of pasta sauce with careful hands.
"Dessert?" Jongdae repeats. He squints at Joonmyun in anticipation until the constellations of freckles dotting his cheeks merge and change orbit, realigning into new forms.
"Yup! Just hold your horses, I think Ms. Victoria is bringing in the cake just now."
Jongin is the one who returns bearing the cake, the scalloped edges of the milky white glass pedestal digging into his palms. Joonmyun and Yixing push the rest of the dishes aside to make space for the cake, stacking them at the end of the table as Jongin presses his palms into his thighs to relieve the pressure embossed into his palms in little red half moons.
"Oh, oh! Wait just a sec before you cut it!" Victoria hurries in after Jongin, a long handled lighter in one hand. "We bought candles to make it a celebration, but I can't find them anywhere in the kitchen! Dae, have you seen them, sweetie?"
Jongdae shakes his head once, twice, his gaze shifting to the collection of noodle bits decorating his lap.
"Are you sure? I think they might have gotten thrown in your backpack with the art supplies we picked up at the same time. I'll go check, sorry for the wait, guys!" She hands Jongin the lighter and steps out into the hall, but Jongdae slithers out of his seat and scampers under Joonmyun and Yixing's chairs to dash ahead of her.
Joonmyun gets up, dropping his napkin to his seat when he hears the door to Jongdae's bedroom slam and a subsequent knock from Victoria, asking to be let in to check the shopping bags.
"Jongdae, sweetheart! What's wrong? Can you open the door?" Victoria raps again but steps aside when Joonmyun approaches. He leans a fist against the doorframe above his head, curving his shoulders forward to press his cheek against the smooth surface of the white door.
"Dae baby," Joonmyun calls, but Jongdae doesn't answer. All Joonmyun can hear is the faint rustling of plastic and the slam of the closet door. "Sweetheart, what is going on in there! Can you open the door please? Or daddy is going to use the key."
"No! Tarry for moment!" Jongdae gasps, his voice muffled through the heavy wood of the door. "Please!"
"Ok, that's it," Joonmyun sighs. He shares a worried look with Victoria as he stretches on tiptoe to feel for the skeleton key propped on the dusty top ledge of the doorframe.
Besides the fact that Jongdae is acting strange, that response makes Joonmyun concerned. His preschooler's standard phrase for requests is "I solicit you", something he learned off a junk mail flyer for window installation. When Jongdae reverts to basic words like "please" and "no", that's when Joonmyun starts to worry and whips out the thermometer and vitamin C tablets.
Joonmyun fits the slender key in the doorknob and forces the lock until it clicks open. Jongdae is on the far side of the room next to the bookshelf, spread eagle with his back to the wall. His backpack is unzipped in the middle of the bedroom floor, a plastic sack blooming out of the top with a collection of crayons, the box of birthday candles, and a set of poster paints spilling onto the area rug.
"Um, son?" Joonmyun gulps nervously at the sight of an orange handled paintbrush, the synthetic fibers at the top crusted with drying globs of violet paint. Jongdae just shakes his head until his short dark hair flies like a hurricane around his ears.
"Dae..." Victoria slips past Joonmyun into the bedroom, stepping over the mess on the floor to take one of Jongdae's balled up fists in her hand. His rigid posture melts at her touch and he slinks away from the wall, revealing the sweeping strokes of a chinese character that stretches from the window sill to the edge of the bookshelf.
The heavy lines of purple paint are still drying on the wallpaper, glossy and wet in the middle though the outlines look matte and dusky to the touch. He must have started it before dinner, in between his bath and his piano duet with Jongin.
"Wow, what does that say, Dad?" Jongin slips under Joonmyun's arm still propped against the door frame. He stretches up on his toes to get a good look at the graffiti on the flowered wallpaper.
"Sweet fried baloney!" Luhan whistles through his teeth as he edges into the doorway, Yixing trailing on his heels. "I mean I knew your kid was good at art and stuff, but holy baloney Joonmyun, this takes the cake!"
Joonmyun rests his forehead against the doorpost, focusing on the coolness of the wood against his skin as he breathes in and exhales in slow puffs. His chest expands with pride at Luhan's admiration but just as quickly deflates when he thinks about the work it will take to strip off the ruined wallpaper and try to patch up the spot. Or maybe he can try to spot clean it first?
"Wait, wait, your four-year-old did that calligraphy?" Yixing's voice is textured with awe as he cranes over Luhan's shoulder for a better look. "But why did he paint the character for 'thunder'? It hasn't rained all week."
"Beats me!" Luhan hums, giving his head a slow shake.
"I know exactly why." Joonmyun rakes a hand through his frazzled hair to resist the urge to scrape claw marks down his own face. "Someone gave Dae a calligraphy book for Christmas, and he's been practicing the characters on the backs of all the junk mail flyers and coupons ever since."
"Hey, don't look at me! I gave him books so reading would keep him out of trouble! I never dreamed he'd start practicing on your furniture!" Luhan blinks rapidly, giving Joonmyun his most innocent look with his front teeth biting into his lower lip like a rabbit.
"Nah, it's my fault. I shouldn't have left him with the art supplies unsupervised like that. I got too busy fixing dinner I forgot to unpack his bag." Victoria gives Jongdae's shoulder a gentle pat as she arches both her well shaped brows in his direction. "But now you know better, Mr., alright? No more artwork on the walls or there will be consequences."
Jongdae nods, his chin dipping against his hunched shoulder.
"But why 'thunder'?" Yixing muses, still intrigued by the word choice.
Jongdae shrugs and Joonmyun gives his son a small smile. "That one just happens to be his favorite on Thursdays, right Dae?" The pizza coupons that come on Thursdays always end up covered in the character for 'thunder', and the Sunday morning crossword puzzle gets graffitied with 'moon'.
"Affirmative," Jongdae whispers. His chin is still tucked against his collarbones and he looks like a puppy with his tail between his legs.
Joonmyun sighs and takes a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing when the rush of new oxygen hits his bloodstream. "Why don't we all sit down and have cake? We'll worry about cleaning this up in the morning."
"Cleaning it up? You can't be serious!" Yixing tugs on Joonmyun's wrist as they file back down the hall. "Your kid's a genius! He even tried to copy the running style characters. Like, his form isn't perfect but it shows a natural style, you've got to get him into art classes. Please don't erase his hard work, it takes a lot of bravery to express your heart in a purple painting that’s nearly as big as you are."
Joonmyun blinks back at Yixing's earnest face, his cheekbones casting shadows across his jaw line as they move from the dark hallway back into the dining room. He's not sure what to think of his new acquaintance telling him how to maintain his wallpaper, much less parent his child. "Bravery, huh?"
Joonmyun watches as Jongin helps Victoria unstack dessert plates from the bottom shelf of the china cabinet. Jongdae is hanging back behind Victoria, one finger strumming his lips like harp strings as if he's not sure if he's still in trouble or not. Joonmyun hustles past Luhan to kneel next to his son, giving him a tight squeeze and a peck on the forehead to reassure him.
"I'm not mad, ok?" he whispers, and Jongdae nods at him with solemn eyes. "And if you really want to keep your new painting, I guess we can negotiate."
Jongdae's thin frown blooms into a hesitant smile, solidifying into a grin as Joonmyun whisks him up and carries him back to his seat at the table. Jongin has the colored candles distributed in even rows across the top of the cake and Victoria stands poised with the lighter in hand.
"We ready?" She snaps the button on the handle and the end of the long black barrel flares to life.
"What are we supposed to sing?" Yixing blinks in amusement as Victoria finishes lighting the wicks and slides the cake stand in front of his place at the table.
"I dunno, pick your favorite song?"
"Hm, now that is hard, it might take me a few weeks to figure out my favorite..." Yixing taps his chin with a thoughtful finger.
"Weeks?" Jongdae gasps, his eyes widening in horror. "Inexpedient!" He opens his mouth as wide as it will go, eyes clenched shut until the corners of his eyes crease like wrinkled crayon wrappers, and starts to sing the jingle from the TV commercial for his favorite cereal.
Yixing listens with a gaping mouth of amazement, his slack lips curving up into a grin as Jongdae finishes the last line of the ditty with a sustained high note. "Bravo!" he claps as soon as Jongdae sinks back into his seat, flushed and with a satisfied smile. "You didn't tell me your kids could sing, too! Any other hidden talents lined up for me to enjoy this evening?"
"Ah, I don't know if you can call graffiti-ing my vintage European wallpaper entertainment," Joonmyun groans, his voice sliding into a laugh. He's grinning as he accepts a plate of cake from Victoria though, because he can't hide his pleasure at hearing his talented offspring extolled.
Jongin makes a funny face and coughs into his napkin, dropping the yellow and pink striped candle he just licked clean. Joonmyun shoots him a look of concern but Jongin returns him a wobbly smile, scraping a thin bite of cake onto his fork. He plunges it between his lips as Yixing follows suit with a large chunk of the fluffy cake balanced on the tines of his fork.
Luhan is the next to splutter, spewing his first bite back onto his plate as Yixing coughs delicately into his glass of water. "Don't--don't eat it," Luhan says in a shaky voice before Joonmyun can taste his own forkful. "It's really--salty!" He gags and grabs Jongin's drink, gulping it down like a camel arrived at an oasis after a long desert trek. "I'm--!"
"I'm really sorry guys!" Joonmyun cuts in before Luhan can choke out his next sentence. "I must have mixed up the salt and sugar while I was baking today!"
Luhan flaps his lips like a fish for a moment before his expression settles into a grateful pout. Joonmyun inclines his head in a slight shake and Luhan flashes him a hand heart before Yixing can turn his head to notice their interaction.
"Oh, so this is your surprise, Joonmyun?" Yixing chuckles, his voice grating on another slight cough as he pats Joonmyun's shoulder. "The aesthetic is great but… That's ok! We'll work on cake baking in our class this weekend! You'll get the hang of it, eventually."
"Thanks," Joonmyun smiles, trying his best to look sheepish about the incident. "And really, sorry!"
"No harm done!" Victoria whisks their plates into a haphazard stack and hefts the pile in her arms. "I'll be right back with the triple fudge ice cream, folks!" Both the boys cheer in response, Jongin getting up to return the uneaten cake to the kitchen.
"Yeah, no harm at all!" Yixing leans back in his chair to stretch. His eyes twinkle as he studies Joonmyun's face. "I'm just glad you didn't get generous with the baking powder! That would have been a bitter mistake."
"Ahah! Bitter!" Luhan laughs as if Yixing just made a hilarious pun, but Joonmyun's smile just tightens because he has no idea what baking powder is.
They demolish the entire quart of chocolate ice cream until nothing's left but a few dark drips in the bottom of their bowls. Jongdae is falling asleep against his father's shoulder as Joonmyun helps Victoria stack the empty dishes.
"Looks like it's just about bedtime." Yixing voice is soft as he lifts his napkin from his lap and folds it into a neat triangle on the table. "I'd best be on my way, then."
"Thanks for coming!" Luhan says with a wink, and Yixing grins back.
"Thank you all for having me, I've quite enjoyed myself this evening!"
"Yeah, we'll have to do this again some time!" Joonmyun escorts his guests to the front door, flipping on the porch light so Yixing can find his way back to his car on the dark driveway. "Just give me a ring--or Luhan, I guess--when you've a free evening to spare us."
"Will do!" Yixing tweaks Jongdae's cheeks before hopping down the front steps.
"Thanks for the food coloring!" Victoria waves from the doorway. "And take care, Xing!"
"Night, guys!"
Joonmyun waits until Yixing's Camry disappears around the corner before closing the front door and sliding the chain lock across the frame. The last thing he sees through the front window as he's drawing the curtains is Luhan whooping in triumph as he crosses the strip of grass between their houses with a leap, his kilts swinging in the midsummer night's breeze. Joonmyun shakes his head, though he might as well consider the evening a success on Luhan's account, anyway. And it's always a pleasure to make a new friend.
✌ ✌ ✌
(part one here) (part three here)