Yours Truly, With Love & Confection [ 1/7 ]
Title: Yours Truly, With Love & Confection, part 1
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Suho-centric with hinted at Xiuho and Subaek,[endgame spoiler]endgame Subaek ^^; side!Layhan (side!Taosoo if you squint)
Length: 58,825 words
Summary: Sometimes Joonmyun feels claustrophobic living in a small town where literally the entire population knows either him, his mother, or his kids (or his weird and annoying next door neighbor). But when a mysterious young man arrives to fill in as his new intern for the summer, Joonmyun’s not sure he likes the change, either.
Warning/s: weird!Luhan, language, kid!Jongin, kid!Jongdae,[Spoiler (click to open)]mentions of feminine hygiene products; mentions of Suho and Kyungsoo having been previously married to women
A/N: *sad laughter that fades off into the gloaming* originally posted for Suholiday 2015
"Dad! Dad I think it's on fire!" Jongin flaps the comic book in his hands in front of the microwave. Sparks spew through the crack around the frame of the plastic door like a ring of fire at a circus show.
"Well get away from there!" Joonmyun dodges between his son and the sparking appliance, shielding his eyes with his arm. It takes three tugs for the plug to pop out of the outlet but the microwave finally whirs to a stop. Jongin and Joonmyun stare at each other wide eyed for a moment, panting as the element inside the machine ticks softly as it cools down.
The thick plastic insulating the cord in Joonmyun's hand lays heavy on his palm and he realizes he's still clutching it in his fist. "Are you okay?" he asks, dropping it to his feet.
"Uh huh." Jongin’s brow is still creased in a worried frown as his thumb rubs at the stiff edges of his paperback. "How did it even--Dad, you didn't put something metal in there, did you?"
"No?" Joonmyun looks off to the vase of wilting flowers balanced on the sideboard to his left, trying to remember. "No, I'm sure, not even foil this time! I took the wrapper off before I stuck it in."
"What exactly is in there?" Jongin gives a dubious shake of his head. His thick bangs slip across the slope of his forehead and further into his eyes
"Noodles," Joonmyun says, and he is proud of himself for refraining from tucking Jongin's hair behind his ear. He's going for the cool kid look this summer, complete with woven shoe laces on his Vans and a messy overgrown fringe. "Just...instant cup noodles. And I even put them in a casserole dish instead of the styrofoam!"
"Then...I don't even know, Dad." Jongin rests his fists on his skinny hips in his baggy faded denim.
"Well, here goes..." Joonmyun reaches for the handle of the microwave, eyeing the trickle of black smoke wisping through the crack around the rectangular door. He rips open the handle and a billow of foul smoke rushes out like a swarm of angry hornets, assaulting Joonmyun's nose and eyes with stinging stench.
"Dad!" Jongin yells, his voice cracking in a high pitched squeak. Joonmyun's eyes fly open to see the smoldering corner of the brick of wavy noodles burst back into flame. "Close the--!"
Joonmyun slams the door shut and the smoke slows to a steady stream once deprived of a stable oxygen source. "Um, why don't you open the window, Jonginnie, and find the oven mitts?"
"Dad! You can't just open that again! Let's get the fire extinguisher first!" Jongin tosses his comic book onto the pile of junk mail and a half eaten banana on the kitchen table as he reaches for the oven mitts hanging above the stove.
"Well, we have to get it out of there!" Joonmyun bounces on his heels in frustration. His throat is tightening with stress and the irritation of the toxic smelling cloud filling the kitchen.
The smoke alarm in the hall goes off at an ear splitting pitch just as Joonmyun's neighbor bursts in through the backdoor, clad in a ragged tank, Hawaiian swim shorts, and wet flip flops that squeak on the linoleum as he slides to a stop.
"What! Is going on! Are you guys okay? Oh my god! I called the fire department so don't panic!" He grabs Joonmyun by the shoulders and digs in his fingers until Joonmyun winces at the feel of Luhan’s nails through his thin linen dress shirt.
"You did what?"
"And also your mom and the electric company, like! Just in case, man! You know." Luhan's eyes loom huge and dark through the misting of smoke in contrast to the unnatural shade of red streaked over the blonde of his last dye job. The overall effect is strawberry banana, which only looks appealing on milkshakes in Joonmyun's opinion, but then again it's hard to tell through all the smoke.
"Uncle Lu," Jongin rasps, and then coughs into his hand.
"Oh dear!" Joonmyun whisks an arm around his son's shoulders, angling away from Luhan's grip. "We should stand outside!"
"Hello?" A sharp voice penetrates the foggy air as the back door bangs open yet again, the door knob almost knocking Jongin in his slouchy shoulder. "This is the municipal fire department! We are coming in!"
"Minseok Kim?" Joonmyun blinks, his burning eyes releasing a trickle of saline lubrication down his cheeks.
"Mr. Kim, this is the third call from you we've had this week!" The fireman stretches into his full height, which barely matches Joonmyun's own in his steel toed boots. He brandishes the fire axe in his hands as he advances into the kitchen.
"Please don't axe my microwave!" Joonmyun stumbles back as Luhan escorts Jongin out into the fresh air, finding himself protecting his most troublesome kitchen appliance with a spread eagle stance for the second time today.
Minseok just rolls his eyes and stashes the dull axe into a loop of the leather tool sash belted over his heavy black jacket. "Calling the fire department for non-emergencies is a crime, you know. You've got to stop being so dramatic! And also stop abusing your poor microwave."
"It's not my fault technology hates me!" Joonmyun huffs, annoyed he's having the same conversation at home that he has with his secretary Amber whenever the copier breaks down just because Joonmyun walks past it. "And to be exact, I'm not the one who placed the emergency call! That was my idiot neighbor." He glares out the open doorway at Luhan, who is already busy demonstrating fishing knots to Jongin with Jongdae's jump rope. Jongdae abandoned it in the lilac bushes this morning and Joonmyun hasn't had the chance to tidy up before lunch.
"That doesn't change the fact," Minseok snaps, his eyes flashing through the dull veil of dissipating smoke, "that your hazardous lifestyle is endangering the entire community, including your own children! Not to mention wasting precious resources that could be better spent rescuing compromised felines."
"Kitties," Luhan nods sagely, looking up as his fingers loop a half hitch with the purple jump rope, "are very important."
"But I was hungry!" Joonmyun protests as he scoots towards the computer desk when Minseok waves him aside. "My lunch is important, too."
"Stand back, this could get intense," Minseok growls, and he pulls out a mini red can of extinguishing spray from his belt. "My apologies to your microwave and lunch."
"You don't sound very sorry!" Joonmyun snaps back. Minseok ignores him, reaching for the handle of the plastic door with his stiff gloved fingers.
Another burst of smoke puffs out but no more flames appear. Minseok drops the can of chemical foam to the the floor and it pings against the linoleum. He reaches in with his clumsy gloves to pull out the uncovered casserole dish Joonmyun had piled several bricks of instant noodles into. Most of the ramen in the dish is the same, dry, off-white color as the ceramic, but the corner that is still smoking has charred to a crispy black.
"Seriously?" Minseok taps the side of the dish with a thickly gloved finger and a chunk of charred noodles shatters off and sifts to the bottom with a ceramic tinkle. "You nearly burned down the neighborhood making cup ramen? Why am I not surprised." He gives a slow shake of his head and dumps the contents in the sink before dousing the smoldering dinner with a blast from the faucet.
"Hey, I took off all the metal foil shiny parts!" Joonmyun rubs his biceps with his palms, arms still folded across his chest in a stance of defense. It's not fair that Minseok always has to turn his mistakes into something so personal. This is just a cooking accident, after all. Could have happened to anyone. Kitchens are dangerous places.
"Next time, read the directions and then you would know to add some water," Minseok says as he hands Joonmyun the dish.
"Hey, Chief!" Another fireman in a heavy black jacket pokes his head through the doorway, nodding politely to Joonmyun before returning his attention to Minseok. "Mrs. Lee called again! There's a cat in the elm tree on the playground."
"Thanks, Henry." Minseok nods as he adjusts the fit of his fire helmet. He turns back to address Joonmyun with an arched brow, "now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I have an important rescue mission to complete."
"Thank you, Chief," Joonmyun answers in a meek, too worn out to argue further. He’s still upset about the persnickety nonsense Minseok just spewed at him in front of his gossipy neighbor, but it’s a relief he didn't have to open the explosive microwave by himself. "See you around, I guess."
"Hopefully not under similar circumstances." Minseok smiles, his teeth gleaming like ice cubes between tight lips. "But yes. Please give my regards to your mother."
Joonmyun closes the door as soon as the fire crew moves off his front lawn. He turns around to survey the mess in the kitchen Victoria left in spotless condition when she went home this morning, and is assaulted by tugging on both of his arms.
"Dad! Dad can we order pizza? Double cheese sweet potato stuffed crust and deep fried prawns?" Jongin gasps all in one breath, rattling off the latest TV spiel for Madame Pizza.
"Wait wait wait! You mean you know that hot firefighter dude? He knows your mom?" Luhan squeaks, and Joonmyun shoves everyone's clawing fingers off his arms with a groan.
"Jonginnie, we can't order out every time Victoria has a night off." Joonmyun pops the fridge door open, biting his lips and hoping there's a container of leftovers in between the jungle of cauliflower heads and yogurt cartons that he missed the first time. "And yes, Minseok Kim is in my mother's bridge club. They play every Saturday."
"But Dad--!" Jongin starts to whine.
Joonmyun looks over his shoulder to silence him with a frown. "How about...salad. There is no possible way to burn that. And we can microwave mac and cheese?"
"Yeah, but maybe me should give the microwave a rest." Jongin backs away from the yawning door of the still open oven and grabs his comic book to hold like a shield in front of his chest.
"Yeah, you're unbelievable, dude!" Luhan punches Joonmyun in the shoulder and giggles like this is some kind of carnival game: punch your neighbor, win a prize!! The only prize Joonmyun will let him walk away with, though, are the bitter remains of his hoped for dinner. "You fail at cooking instant noodles? Which I learned how to make when I was three! And you even have "noodle" in your name!"
"What?" Joonmyun blinks at Luhan's fist that is still digging into the curve of his shoulder.
"Your name," Luhan says in a loud voice, moving his lips in distinct, wide stretches as if Joonmyun were deaf and trying to lip read. "Joonmyun, ramyun, get it?"
Jongin giggles into the spine of his comic book, and Joonmyun resolves to withhold his latest manga volumes an extra 24 hours this time in retribution.
"I should just call you Failmyun from now on," Luhan says with a delighted smile, as if he were handing Jongdae a bouquet of cotton candy flavors instead of bestowing Joonmyun with an embarrassing misnomer. Because Joonmyun may not be the best cook in the family, but he's not a complete failure in the kitchen. He can definitely make instant coffee, thank you very much. "Hashtag Failmyun! Yes, I like the ring of that."
"This is private property you're trespassing on." Joonmyun turns on Luhan with the icy smile he usually reserves for business competitors and interns he's about to fire for wrecking his file archives or spilling coffee on something important like his Rainbow Brite post it note portfolio (which was his Valentine's Day gift from Jongdae this spring, by the way, Joonmyun is not responsible for owning it, as he made sure every member of the R&V branch team knows). "Please vacate the premises before I call Victoria to kick you out. She knows Kung Fu and wears stilettos."
"Yeah yeah," Luhan sneers, already backing towards the open door. "You know Vic loves me. And besides, I have the spare key to your house in my coat closet, don't forget, Failmyun!" He giggles again with a last wink as he swings out the back door.
"Bye, Uncle Lu!" Jongin waves him out and secures the screen door behind him with a firm tug. The back door always sticks this time of year. All the humidity from the rain makes the wood swell too much to fit into the frame.
Joonmyun sags against the doorpost, resting his forehead against the cool wall and trying to ignore the acrid smell tickling at his nostrils when he inhales a deep breath. They really need to open the windows to get some air flow before it gets dark.
"Hey, are you okay Dad?" Jongin's fingers are cool, the softest touch ghosting along Joonmyun's wrist.
Joonmyun lifts his head to give his son a tired, yet sincere smile. "Yeah, of course, Jonginnie. But thanks for asking." He slides a hand across the crown of Jongin's head, savoring the silky smooth slip of thick hair against his palm but is careful not to mess up the styling. "And sorry for ruining dinner. You must be starving, huh."
"Nah, you didn't ruin anything." Jongin shakes his head like a dog. His hair whips around his face like a keratin tornado before settling back into the exact same formation. "Cooking's hard. Even Vic complains about it, right?"
"You mean Ms. Victoria," Joonmyun says, but he smiles in gratitude at his son before turning to pull out the salad fixings, the sliced egg, diced tomato, and rinsed greens Victoria left stacked in tupperware on the top two shelves. "Let's order pizza, whichever flavor you like! As long as you promise to eat some salad, too."
Jongin cheers, tossing his comic book towards the ceiling and clutching it back against his chest. "Thank you!" he groans, all the vowel sounds drawn out. "But seriously Dad, flavors? We're not ordering ice cream."
Joonmyun makes a face at Jongin's judging stare and rolls up his sleeves so he won't get tomato juice on his cream colored dress shirt. Their live in nanny does help out with a lot of the cooking, but she doesn't do their laundry. Joonmyun already spent half of his weekend getting Tabasco sauce stains out of his children's T-shirt collection and ironing his own work clothes.
"Toppings, whatever. You can call the pizza place. I'm going to call your grandma and double check when we need to pick your brother up tomorrow, okay?"
"Yessir!" Jongin gives him a salute and a wink before snatching up his cellphone with the Spongebob case Amber gave him for his birthday a few months back. "Roger that!"
✌ ✌ ✌
"Hey, boss!" Amber waves over the frosted glass partition of her cubicle at Joonmyun when he enters the office on Monday morning.
"Good morning, Amber!" He gives her a bright smile as he slips his sunglasses off and flips his hair back from his forehead. Jongin isn't the only one in the family who could use a trim, but after picking Jongdae up from his mother's yesterday Joonmyun had to push a few speed limits to get Jongin to soccer practice on time, and after that was Jongdae's piano lesson. As soon as that concluded, the instructor dragged them all along to the music store in the same shopping strip as the studio to pick out new sheet music since Jongdae had flown through his lesson material yet again.
As usual, there had been no time to swing by the barber shop. Joonmyun scribbles a reminder smiley face on a strip of scrap paper floating around his desk and pins it the bulletin board behind his computer monitor. It just fits between two snapshots from last summer's family vacation to Jeju, one of the two kids crouching between bushes of yellow canola blossoms and one of Joonmyun pretending to kiss the the stone lips of a blank eyed hareubang statue near the coast.
That's another thing Joonmyun needs to make a note of, a reminder to plan their next family trip. There are too many things that slip past his attention lately. Amber does her best to keep him up to date with changes to his schedule and meetings, but she's the receptionist for the whole floor of office workers under Joonmyun's management and doesn't have time to act as his personal assistant.
But the new batch of summer interns should arrive any day now, Joonmyun thinks to himself with a sigh of self assuring relief as he jiggles the mouse on his desk. The monitor flickers to life and Joonmyun savors the smooth feel of the computer keys under his fingers as he types in his passwords, one to get to the sign in area, one to select his user info, and one to unlock the files on his desktop he's been compiling for the end of quarter financial report.
Fortunately he's almost done with charts, thanks to help from the in house accountant Krystal. All he needs to do now is type up the written explanation for the figures. The results for the first half of this year have been fantastic. They look startlingly successful on a basic graph, but the progress is no statistical error. Joonmyun knows first hand how much effort and creativity his team has put into marketing the new line of toilet paper they introduced in November, staying long hours and poring over the reviews of sample testers to tweak the products to perfection.
The two-ply success of their tissue line, establishing the name "Fresh Fresh" as a top quality value brand as well as producing a wide profit margin to put back into research for developing future products, only spurs Joonmyun’s quest for market domination. He hopes to buckle down for the remainder of the year and produce the most comfortable, appealing, and trustworthy line of items R&V has come up with yet. He would even volunteer to serve as the first sample tester, if that were possible.
"Mr. Kim?" Irene knocks on the glass window at the top of Joonmyun's cubicle wall before sliding around the partition to lean against his desk.
It’s only been a few years since Joonmyun moved into this office as the branch manager and CEO of Fresh Fresh, a small offshoot of international cosmetics and hygiene products conglomerate R&V. One of the first management changes he made was to do away with the closed off office spaces and give everyone the same semi-private cubicles, to encourage flexibility between focus and communication when either function is most necessary.
Whether or not the changes have been successful, well… Just check out the fiscal stats is what Joonmyun typed in a polite but frosty email to a nosy manager from an unrelated branch. That seemed to shut up the intruder, who often came up from two floors down to swipe Fresh Fresh's mix coffee packets and break room snacks but hasn’t been heard from since.
"Good morning!" Joonmyun greets the marketing rep with a wave, spinning his chair to face her so he can examine the tray Irene is holding out for inspection. "Ooh, did you get your hair done this weekend? The new shade looks nice!"
Irene smiles as she slides the plastic tray onto the end of Joonmyun's desk. "Thank you! My cousin did it for me. She's practicing to be a hair dresser." Irene twirls a loose curl around her finger. The tips of her long dark hair are dip dyed a brilliant flamingo pink, the same shade as the creamy shadow dusted along her eyelids.
"Is she a cosmetology student?" Joonmyun reaches across his coffee mug for a stack of forms wedged under a box of candy. The milk chocolate nuggets wrapped in foils stamped with Spiderman masks were a gift from Jongin on Parent's Day. "Could you ask your lovely cousin to hand these out to her friends and see if any of them would be interested to apply as a beta tester?"
"Oh, sure!" Irene takes the stack with smile, sliding the papers into alignment with edge of her thumb ring. "Thanks, boss, I never thought of recruiting them."
"I'm always on the lookout!" Joonmyun flips her a chocolate with a wink. Irene shakes her head at him with an amused smile as she taps a lacquered nail against the handle of the tray.
"We need approval on the official color options for these applicators before production goes ahead. These are same shades as the time, but modified with reflectors for a pearlescent effect."
Joonmyun nods, leaning in to take a closer look at the rainbow of plastic tampon applicators lined up from petal pink to lilac on the far end. "That purple one looks especially nice and opalescent." He points to the one on the end and Irene circles the serial number on the paper the sample are affixed to with a nod.
"Yes, that's what the team thought too. I'll make a note of it on the file. See you." She waves the chocolate truffle in her fingers in thanks as she glides around the corner.
"Thanks, Irene!"
The phone rings just as Joonmyun is swiveling his chair back to check the emails queued on his desktop app. The blue light on the machine means it's an internal call, so Joonmyun switches it to speakerphone and picks up the receiver.
"Hello?"
"Hey, boss," Amber says, "heads up from downstairs that corporate is sending over a new intern today. Supposed to be a personal assistant that will work directly under you."
"Oh, thank you for the notice." Joonmyun smiles to himself because finally he'll have some help around here. He hopes it's a student on summer break from a nearby university, preferably someone from a business or paralegal department who will keep on top of things and intuit his needs before he even reaches for the stapler. Like Krystal. Krystal was the perfect summer intern and Joonmyun has never regretted hiring her full time as soon as the ink dried on her undergrad diploma.
"So, can I send the dude right on in to see you as soon as he arrives?"
"Sure, thanks Amber!" Joonmyun answers, his hand hovering above the end call button. "Wait, he? Corporate is sending a him?"
"Yup," Amber says with a snap of bubble gum. "Unless the memo was a mistake. I've never met a Baekhyun before, but it doesn't sound like a girl's name."
"No, no you're right..." Joonmyun leans back in his chair to cross his ankles as he straightens the pile of paper clips and pen refill cartridges jumbled just behind his mousepad.
"I'm sure he'll be great, boss, since head quarters assigned him and all. And don't knock him before you meet him just because he's probably a dude. You've done a smashing job here yourself."
"Hehe, you have a point there," Joonmyun chuckles, blushing at the praise. "Although I can hardly take credit for all of the work you ladies in this department get done around here."
"Yeah, yeah, we know you love us!" Amber laughs too, a familiar ripple in the back of her throat. "I gotta call the cotton distributor now."
"Ok, good luck!" Joonmyun hangs the phone back on the carol and opens his inbox. Sure enough, there is an official notice from head quarters CC'ed to both Joonmyun and Amber, as well as a Byun Baekhyun.
Joonmyun skims it before clicking the tiny star in the corner to highlight it for follow up. It is a relief that he'll be getting some help around his cubicle, but he can't shake the sinking feeling that corporate sending a male intern to a 99% female department must mean something. Somehow, it feels oddly like a threat.
✌ ✌ ✌
Joonmyun's morning goes smoothly, spent answering calls and and inspecting the paperwork from cotton deliveries to the production plants. He squeezes in a few minutes before lunch time type up the last pages of his report. Just as he's finishing the concluding paragraphs he gets another call from an external number.
Joonmyun sighs at the interruption, eyeing the number scrolling across the ID screen of his phone and wondering if he can just let Amber field it. His concentration is already broken though, and it's only ten minutes until his lunch break starts, so he might as well just deal with it now.
"Hello, this Director Kim of Fresh Fresh Products, here for you and your family to serve all of your Health & Hygiene needs! How may I help you?"
There is a beat of silence in which Joonmyun's pinky finger starts to twitch against the curve of his mouse. He’s about to be very annoyed if this is a telemarketer interrupting his work. Then a loud burst of obnoxious and familiar laughter assaults his ears and Joonmyun is beyond annoyed--he actually considers banging his head on his keyboard.
"Luhan? How did you get this phone number? You have my cell if you want to make a personal call."
"You actually have to answer the phone like that? You sound like Fullerbrush door-to-door--!"
"Luhan!"
"Okay, okay! Chill, dude," Luhan hoots, still gasping for breath. "How I know is not important," he purrs as soon as he recovers enough to speak. "And you didn't answer your cell, so I had to try this line. It's all your fault I'm calling your work."
"I highly doubt that," Joonmyun spits out, his voice as controlled and professional as he is capable of sounding at the moment. "Why are you calling?" As much as Joonmyun does not want to chat with his neighbor while in the midst of a breakthroughs for all womankind finalizing the budget for research on the latest generation of tampon applicators, he knows resistance is futile. Luhan will pester him by redialing if he dares hang up. He might as well just get this over with now.
"I am calling because everyone has talked it over and we've all come to the same conclusion. It is time to stage an intervention."
"Intervention? Is someone sick? For heaven’s sake Luhan, if something happened to one of my kids why didn't you say so!" Joonmyun is already out of his seat, car keys in hand and sunglasses shoved on upside down before Luhan's laughter stops him in his tracks.
"Myun, calm down. Go sit in your orthopedic rolling chair and take a deep breath so we can discuss this. Calmly! Together. Without hysterics."
"Fine, I'm sitting," Joonmyun seethes as he plunks back into his seat. "What exactly are we discussing."
"You! Lucky you. We had a community, family, neighborhood, whatever you wanna call it council meeting, and it's official. You are now signed up for cooking classes at the community center downtown. Every Saturday morning for two months."
"Excuse me for interrupting," Joonmyun sniffs, snapping the lid off his carton of orange slices. He might as well organize his side dishes in preparation for lunch while they continue this "discussion". "But who is this 'we' you keep referring too?"
"Uh, just about everyone," Luhan says, "your mom, Jonginnie, Minseok."
"Wait, why were you talking about me to the fire chief behind my back!" Joonmyun hisses when he drops the carton he's trying to de-lid one handed and a tart squirt of orange juice sprays him in the eye. "And why do I need to learn how to cook! Victoria takes good care of the kitchen at home."
"Oh yeah, and Victoria agrees too. She even volunteered to instate a boycott if you refuse."
"Boycott?" Joonmyun can feel his internal temperature rising under his collar even as the AC unit above the window kicks on, blowing his napkin stash across his desk and half-unpacked lunch box. "You're not making any sense!"
"Vic says she--and I quote--'will not assist my employer by packing his lunches or toasting his breakfast waffles until he agrees to attend cooking classes. The employer's children, however, are exempt to this boycott by reasoning that they remain as innocent bystanders of their father's incompetence. This is for your own good, Joonmyun Kim, so there.'"
"Luhan, I don't think my nanny would be so cruel." Joonmyun counts the orange slices lined up in his carton to placate himself, trying to stay calm. "And especially that last line--are you sure that Victoria said that, or--"
"Hmm," Luhan hums loudly, "well I might have made a few inspirational word choices as edits to the original text, but let me assure you that the spirit of Victoria's note remains intact. Text her to double check if you like."
"Luhan," Joonmyun starts in the patient, even tone he reserves for reasoning with his youngest son . Luhan definitely acts like a child at times (such as right now), so maybe if he approaches this conversation with a parent's patient yet firm insistence then--
"And even if you decide to be stubborn and try living off of burnt noodles, Mr. Failmyun," Luhan giggles, interrupting Joonmyun’s train of thought yet again. Joonmyun wishes they were having this conversation in person, if only so he could stab his neighbor with his burnished stainless steel travel chopsticks. "Let me remind you that you still owe me the blank coupon out of the IOU booklet thing you gave me for my birthday, not to mention all the favors you owe me for babysitting your brats when you have to work overtime and Vic is at the nail salon!"
"That's only happened, like, twice," Joonmyun moans, still protesting but on the verge of giving in because when has he ever won an argument with Luhan. Only once, to be exact, but then Luhan cried and Joonmyun gave in anyway and loaned him his grandmother's Delft porcelain tea set for the community center fundraiser for the local orphanage.
"Nope, I don't wanna hear anymore excuses. And I'm joining the class too, for moral support. So you can complain all you want, my friend, but this is happening. You are doing this culinary course."
"Fine." Joonmyun sniffles into a napkin as he wipes the streaks of angry orange juice from his face. "I'll try it. Once, Luhan. Just once. But if I hate it I'm not going back." Probably Joonmyun's mother would take pity on him and feed him if he gets too desperate, even if she is supposedly in on this scheme. Probably.
"Okay!" Luhan cheers. "I'll take that as a definitely! See you on Saturday, dear neighbor!"
Joonmyun slumps against his chair and listens to the dial tone sear across his eardrums and stab into his temples, too exhausted from dealing with Luhan to hang up the receiver and make the sound stop. He finally manages to heave himself upright again to disconnect the call and shoves an orange slice in his mouth, then two more. He's going to need a lot of vitamin C in the near future, he has a feeling, if his immune system is going to be able to withstand spending hours each weekend with his next door neighbor.
✌ ✌ ✌
Joonmyun doesn't get anymore personal calls at work for the rest of week, thank heaven and whatever genius invented boxed mac & cheese. By the end of the week Luhan's threats have receded into a vaguely lucid part of Joonmyun's brain, alongside reminder notes about haircuts and getting the gutters checked for invasive chinchillas.
He's in a good mood when he pulls his Sorrento up into the driveway in front of his home, humming along to Rihanna on his favorite satellite radio station and thinking about dinner. It's taco night, the third Friday of the month is always taco night, and Jongdae sent him a snapchat of their meal preparations from his brother's phone almost an hour ago, only increasing Joonmyun's anticipatory hunger pangs .
The curtains at the front window are drawn but a soft haze of light seeps through the layers of linen and onto the leaves of the azalea bushes lining the front walk. The red and icy pink blossoms have wilted and washed away with the summer rain, but the leaves glow dark and glossy in the twilight. Joonmyun loves coming home after a productive day hard at work, even more so when it's a Friday evening and he can stay up late playing parcheesi with his kids and reading jazz reviews on his favorite indie blogs once they're tucked into beds in the room next to his.
"Hey guys, I'm home!"
"Daddy!" Jongdae comes running out from the kitchen in bare feet and one of his brother's T-shirts. The collar slips down one of his narrow shoulders and the hem hangs past his knees. Joonmyun can't tell if he has shorts on underneath, but since his hair is wet and plastered against his forehead he's probably fresh from the bath.
"Mm, my big baby!" Joonmyun catches him around his ribs to swing Jongdae up onto his hip. "Did you behave for Ms. Victoria today?"
Jongdae just gives him a crooked grin, a neutral response that makes Joonmyun's breath catch in his throat. He sets his son back on his own two feet and picks up his pace towards the kitchen. Joonmyun only sighs in relief once he makes it around the corner and ensures with his own eyes that the hall carpet isn't tie dyed with purple grape juice and all of the dishes and dry ingredients in the spice cabinet aren't strewn across the kitchen floor like a midsummer's snowstorm. One never knows with Jongdae.
"Oh, you're home?" Victoria leans in through the doorway to the dining room, the tray of clean silverware in her hands. "Just in time! We have the table all set and ready."
"Sorry I'm later than usual, I would've texted from the office if I'd known the traffic would be heavy on the freeway. There was some kind of accident, or something." Joonmyun sets his briefcase against the leg of the computer table and slides over to the kitchen sink to wash his hands.
"No worries." Victoria lays a thin red towel over the rolls stacked in the bread basket. "Jonginnie! Your father's home!"
"Dad?" Footsteps pound down the carpeted stairs before Jongin swings over the balustrade at the landing, hopping to the hall floor like a cat.
"Jonginnie!" Joonmyun almost chokes on his glass of water, a hand clasped to his chest as he watches his son straighten from a crouch on the floor and stroll into the kitchen. "Don't do something like that! You scared me." That earns Joonmyun an eye-roll.
"Um, it's not that far to jump, Dad. I was being careful, ok."
"Yeah, but..." Joonmyun dumps the rest of his water into the sink and stands the glass upside down in the dish drain. "What if your little brother sees you and gets ideas."
"Dad, seriously." Jongin pops open the fridge and pulls a quart of milk from the door. "You got have known he’s the one who invented the Tarzan Leap Swing. We've both been doing it since, like, last Thursday?" Jongin uncaps the milk bottle as Joonmyun feels his chest spasm again.
"Does Victoria know about this?" Joonmyun asks the ceiling, his voice faint between his lips like the murmur of his poor heart. "Hey, and use a glass please." He points to the row of mugs hanging from magnetic hooks lined on the wall above the stove. Jongin freezes with the mouth of the bottle a hair's breadth from his chapped lips.
"But Dad!" Jongin swipes at his brow with the ragged cuff of his zip-up sweater. "You drank out of that glass and put it back without washing it! Does Victoria know about that?"
Joonmyun opens his mouth to retort, then closes it again. Touche, Jongin.
Jongin smiles sweetly before taking a long gulp. He empties half the bottle in one go and swipes at his lips and eyes again as he screws on the cap.
"Jongin, are you--" Joonmyun's squint trails from the creamy froth on Jongin's upper lip to the dark smudges around his eyes. "Are you wearing eyeliner?"
Jongin spins on his heels to face the fridge and throws the bottle in, leaving it rolling on the bottom shelf next to the breadbox before slamming the door shut. He disappears into the hall and the bathroom sink turns on full blast. Joonmyun strips off his suit jacket and drapes it over the computer desk chair before limping into the dining room, feeling thoroughly unprepared once again for his weekend job--Mr. Dad.
"Are you ready to eat?" Victoria looks up from filling the water glasses to eye the bedraggled remains of Joonmyun's work clothes. He lost the tie in his car while sitting in the end-to-end traffic, and his shirt sleeves are rolled up past his elbows. He should probably go hang his dress shirt in the closet and trade it for a T-shirt so he doesn't have a nightmare of wrinkles to deal with later, but for now Joonmyun just needs to sit down and breath for a moment.
"I just washed up, but I'll change after dinner. Thanks." He pulls out the nearest chair and drops onto the embroidered cushion strapped to the seat. He picks up the salad fork laid out at his place setting and examines his sad frown in the concave surface. The blurry reflection doesn't show if he's developed any new wrinkles in the last ten minutes, so he drops it back on his linen napkin with a resigned sigh.
Dinner. After dinner he'll feel revived enough to help Jongdae with his new jigsaw puzzle and offer commentary as Jongin updates him on the plot points of their favorite action comic. Joonmyun always feels a little better after dinner.
"Jongin, can you bring in the bread?" Victoria calls into the hall, but the red towel flutters into Joonmyun's line of vision while he’s still staring at the patterns on the tablecloth. He looks up from the contours of the woven basket to find the grinning face of his neighbor.
"Luhan?" Joonmyun is confused as to why his neighbor is standing in his nice, peaceful dining room and interrupting his nice, peaceful dinner hour with a devious grin. His unnerving facial expression might not actually mean anything, but it is starting to give Joonmyun the shivers. Just like Jongdae, one never knows with Luhan. Perhaps this is a learned behavior. Perhaps Joonmyun should work on finding another, more reliable alternate babysitter for Victoria's nights off. "What are you doing here?"
"Hey, what kind of question is that! I practically live here!" Luhan's protest is supplemented by a carefully crafted pout. His large eyes are liquid chocolate as he blinks innocently at Joonmyun, and the halo of light from the brass chandelier highlights his bleach blonde hair. "I don't know why you're pretending you're not delighted to see me. Anyone with half a brain would be thrilled when I grace them with my presence."
Luhan flutters his fingers as he bends in a flourishy bow, then scratches at the sequins lining the collar of his skin tight spandex T-shirt. He's dressed in varying shades of purple today, from the hyacinth pouf of feathers fitted at his left shoulder like a brooch, to the lavender platform flip-flops on his feet.
"Why the heck are you dressed like you're role playing a circus pony!" Joonmyun is on the verge of banging his head into the table, but Victoria would scold him for chipping the china or wrinkling his napkin so he refrains.
"A circus p--? Excuse you!" Luhan taps the toe of his flip-flop in annoyance and the thick foam squeaks against the hardwood floor. "We're working on an episode about a cabaret dancer right now, and I'm just getting a feel for the character."
"As per usual," Joonmyun sighs and rolls his eyes as he slumps further in his seat. He's not sure anymore if Jongin picked up that mannerism from him or vice versa.
Luhan pulls out the seat at the head of the table and makes himself comfortable on the cushion. "Oh, and get excited! I brought I cheesy salsa since it's taco night!"
"I hate cheesy salsa," Joonmyun mutters against the rim of his water glass. A few beads of condensation roll down the sides of the cup and splash onto the bunched up sleeve of his shirt. "But thanks for bringing it, I'm sure the kids will enjoy it," he adds hastily before Luhan has a chance to plaster a disappointed frown across his annoyingly expressive features.
"You bet!" Luhan licks his lips and dips a finger into his own glass to flick at the ice cubes floating on top. "Everyone else on the planet totally loves my cheesy salsa. You're just weird, Myun."
"Hungry!" Jongdae stalks into the dining room with his stuffed giraffe, Clarence, tucked under his arm. He props the doll on the piano stool pulled up next to his chair before taking his seat in the red plastic booster seat. Until the family compromised their rule of No Toys At The Dinner Table to allow Clarence to join them at meals, it was impossible to get Jongdae to use his booster chair. He had used a stack of phone books at his grandmother's house for a makeshift seat, and ever since refused to use anything but the yellow pages at home too.
"Get ready for some cheesy salsa!" Luhan winks and reaches across Joonmyun's spot at the table to give Jongdae a high five.
"Woo hoo," Joonmyun sighs as Victoria carries in the condiment in question, glass jar steaming from a quick reheat in the microwave. "I'm so excited."
Victoria gives him a funny look as she props the dish on a hotplate and Joonmyun corrects his posture and fumbles for his napkin to unfold across his lap. The tweed of his trousers is starting to itch where it pulls across his knees and he regrets his decision not to change.
Jongin comes in, face and fringe dripping from the sink and skin scrubbed a clean pink. So he must have been wearing eyeliner then, Joonmyun thinks as he shoots him a smile. Not that he minds, it was just a surprise since Jongin has never showed interest in cosmetics or Joonmyun's skin care regimen before. He'll talk to Jongin about it later, see about buying some products together. They can pick out a line of skin toners tomorrow at the department store, maybe. That would be fun.
Victoria takes her seat at the other end of the table, next to Jongdae. "Alright, dig in guys! There's bread in the basket if you don't want a taco shell."
Joonmyun shoots her a grateful smile and sneaks a roll as he passes the tortilla shells from Luhan down to the end of the table. He likes taco night, but only for the meat and a few of the toppings. He's never been too adventurous with foreign flavors, as ambitious as he is at the workplace.
"How's work going, Dad?" Jongin takes a slurp from his brimming cup, which is actually Joonmyun's largest coffee mug he's refilled with more milk, ignoring the ice water at his place at the table.
"Oh, not too bad." Joonmyun stretches his shoulders and dollops some non-fat yogurt over the bed of shredded lettuce and taco meat on his plate. "We're working on a new project but I can't tell you the details until it officially goes into production."
"Oh, are you guys still understaffed at the office?" Victoria helps Jongdae spoon shredded cheese into his taco but it still gets everywhere. He even has some sprinkling his freshly washed hair, and Joonmyun bites back a laugh at how cute it looks.
"Well, we're ok for now because Irene is focusing on internal management at the moment instead of doing site visits. Oh," Joonmyun adds, his lips twisting into a frown as he watches Luhan douse his beans and rice with lime juice, "we're getting a new intern."
"Hey, that's great Dad!" Jongin shoves half an avocado in his mouth all at once and blithely ignores the looks or reproval both Joonmyun and Victoria shoot him. "'Cause didn't you want a new intern this summer?"
"Well yeah, but--" Joonmyun passes down the cheesy salsa with a grimace and watches in horror as Jongdae turns his rice into a sea of pink, cheesy sauce. "I don't know, Jonginnie. Something just feels...off. About the whole set up. This newbie is from corporate so I wasn’t involved in the hiring process."
"I’m sure it’ll be ok, Dad." Jongin gives him a beaming smile as his bare foot slides between Joonmyun's ankles with a reassuring nudge. "Remember what you told me about starting middle school? New people are only scary because you didn't get to know them yet."
"Aw, thanks." Joonmyun returns his smile as he picks up his fork and starts spreading the yogurt in a thin layer across the food on his plate. It's a gratifying sight to see the white sauce glazing the rich and spicy meat like whipped cream on a bakery cake. He sighs with satisfaction as he lifts the first bite to his lips, a perfect square scooped from the exact center of the mound of toppings on his plate.
"Oh hey, speaking of new people, I called our cooking instructor today and confirmed everything for tomorrow." Luhan mushes an avocado chunk with the flat of his fork and squeezes on more lime. "Don't forget! We have class bright and early in the morning! I'll be over to pick you up at 8:00."
"Thanks for reminding me of that unfortunate commitment on my nice, peaceful Friday evening." Joonmyun wilts against the back of his chair with a groan. "You better bring me coffee if you're planning to drag me out of the house before 10:00 AM."
"Ok!" Luhan just grins in response to the challenging glare Joonmyun sends him, and steals a gulp from Jongin's milk mug. "Coffee can be arranged."
"I wish I was joining the cooking class." Victoria helps Jongdae reach his water and serves him another helping of beans in between bites of her own food. "It sounds really fun."
"You could probably join!" Luhan gives her a double thumbs up and almost drops his fork into Joonmyun's water glass. "Well, the registration deadline was last night, but the cooking instructor is a pretty chill dude. I bet he'd still let you join if you really, really wanted."
"Oh, that's ok. I'll have my hands full with these guys. Besides, my cooking is already the bomb." Victoria shakes her head and flips her ponytail over her shoulder as she leans over her plate to take a big bite of her taco.
"That's the truth!" Joonmyun gives her an appreciative grin as he takes another bite. He might as well enjoy his dinner for now. There will be plenty of time to complain and be miserable about this cooking class nightmare in the morning.
✌ ✌ ✌
(part two here)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Suho-centric with hinted at Xiuho and Subaek,[endgame spoiler]endgame Subaek ^^; side!Layhan (side!Taosoo if you squint)
Length: 58,825 words
Summary: Sometimes Joonmyun feels claustrophobic living in a small town where literally the entire population knows either him, his mother, or his kids (or his weird and annoying next door neighbor). But when a mysterious young man arrives to fill in as his new intern for the summer, Joonmyun’s not sure he likes the change, either.
Warning/s: weird!Luhan, language, kid!Jongin, kid!Jongdae,[Spoiler (click to open)]mentions of feminine hygiene products; mentions of Suho and Kyungsoo having been previously married to women
A/N: *sad laughter that fades off into the gloaming* originally posted for Suholiday 2015
"Dad! Dad I think it's on fire!" Jongin flaps the comic book in his hands in front of the microwave. Sparks spew through the crack around the frame of the plastic door like a ring of fire at a circus show.
"Well get away from there!" Joonmyun dodges between his son and the sparking appliance, shielding his eyes with his arm. It takes three tugs for the plug to pop out of the outlet but the microwave finally whirs to a stop. Jongin and Joonmyun stare at each other wide eyed for a moment, panting as the element inside the machine ticks softly as it cools down.
The thick plastic insulating the cord in Joonmyun's hand lays heavy on his palm and he realizes he's still clutching it in his fist. "Are you okay?" he asks, dropping it to his feet.
"Uh huh." Jongin’s brow is still creased in a worried frown as his thumb rubs at the stiff edges of his paperback. "How did it even--Dad, you didn't put something metal in there, did you?"
"No?" Joonmyun looks off to the vase of wilting flowers balanced on the sideboard to his left, trying to remember. "No, I'm sure, not even foil this time! I took the wrapper off before I stuck it in."
"What exactly is in there?" Jongin gives a dubious shake of his head. His thick bangs slip across the slope of his forehead and further into his eyes
"Noodles," Joonmyun says, and he is proud of himself for refraining from tucking Jongin's hair behind his ear. He's going for the cool kid look this summer, complete with woven shoe laces on his Vans and a messy overgrown fringe. "Just...instant cup noodles. And I even put them in a casserole dish instead of the styrofoam!"
"Then...I don't even know, Dad." Jongin rests his fists on his skinny hips in his baggy faded denim.
"Well, here goes..." Joonmyun reaches for the handle of the microwave, eyeing the trickle of black smoke wisping through the crack around the rectangular door. He rips open the handle and a billow of foul smoke rushes out like a swarm of angry hornets, assaulting Joonmyun's nose and eyes with stinging stench.
"Dad!" Jongin yells, his voice cracking in a high pitched squeak. Joonmyun's eyes fly open to see the smoldering corner of the brick of wavy noodles burst back into flame. "Close the--!"
Joonmyun slams the door shut and the smoke slows to a steady stream once deprived of a stable oxygen source. "Um, why don't you open the window, Jonginnie, and find the oven mitts?"
"Dad! You can't just open that again! Let's get the fire extinguisher first!" Jongin tosses his comic book onto the pile of junk mail and a half eaten banana on the kitchen table as he reaches for the oven mitts hanging above the stove.
"Well, we have to get it out of there!" Joonmyun bounces on his heels in frustration. His throat is tightening with stress and the irritation of the toxic smelling cloud filling the kitchen.
The smoke alarm in the hall goes off at an ear splitting pitch just as Joonmyun's neighbor bursts in through the backdoor, clad in a ragged tank, Hawaiian swim shorts, and wet flip flops that squeak on the linoleum as he slides to a stop.
"What! Is going on! Are you guys okay? Oh my god! I called the fire department so don't panic!" He grabs Joonmyun by the shoulders and digs in his fingers until Joonmyun winces at the feel of Luhan’s nails through his thin linen dress shirt.
"You did what?"
"And also your mom and the electric company, like! Just in case, man! You know." Luhan's eyes loom huge and dark through the misting of smoke in contrast to the unnatural shade of red streaked over the blonde of his last dye job. The overall effect is strawberry banana, which only looks appealing on milkshakes in Joonmyun's opinion, but then again it's hard to tell through all the smoke.
"Uncle Lu," Jongin rasps, and then coughs into his hand.
"Oh dear!" Joonmyun whisks an arm around his son's shoulders, angling away from Luhan's grip. "We should stand outside!"
"Hello?" A sharp voice penetrates the foggy air as the back door bangs open yet again, the door knob almost knocking Jongin in his slouchy shoulder. "This is the municipal fire department! We are coming in!"
"Minseok Kim?" Joonmyun blinks, his burning eyes releasing a trickle of saline lubrication down his cheeks.
"Mr. Kim, this is the third call from you we've had this week!" The fireman stretches into his full height, which barely matches Joonmyun's own in his steel toed boots. He brandishes the fire axe in his hands as he advances into the kitchen.
"Please don't axe my microwave!" Joonmyun stumbles back as Luhan escorts Jongin out into the fresh air, finding himself protecting his most troublesome kitchen appliance with a spread eagle stance for the second time today.
Minseok just rolls his eyes and stashes the dull axe into a loop of the leather tool sash belted over his heavy black jacket. "Calling the fire department for non-emergencies is a crime, you know. You've got to stop being so dramatic! And also stop abusing your poor microwave."
"It's not my fault technology hates me!" Joonmyun huffs, annoyed he's having the same conversation at home that he has with his secretary Amber whenever the copier breaks down just because Joonmyun walks past it. "And to be exact, I'm not the one who placed the emergency call! That was my idiot neighbor." He glares out the open doorway at Luhan, who is already busy demonstrating fishing knots to Jongin with Jongdae's jump rope. Jongdae abandoned it in the lilac bushes this morning and Joonmyun hasn't had the chance to tidy up before lunch.
"That doesn't change the fact," Minseok snaps, his eyes flashing through the dull veil of dissipating smoke, "that your hazardous lifestyle is endangering the entire community, including your own children! Not to mention wasting precious resources that could be better spent rescuing compromised felines."
"Kitties," Luhan nods sagely, looking up as his fingers loop a half hitch with the purple jump rope, "are very important."
"But I was hungry!" Joonmyun protests as he scoots towards the computer desk when Minseok waves him aside. "My lunch is important, too."
"Stand back, this could get intense," Minseok growls, and he pulls out a mini red can of extinguishing spray from his belt. "My apologies to your microwave and lunch."
"You don't sound very sorry!" Joonmyun snaps back. Minseok ignores him, reaching for the handle of the plastic door with his stiff gloved fingers.
Another burst of smoke puffs out but no more flames appear. Minseok drops the can of chemical foam to the the floor and it pings against the linoleum. He reaches in with his clumsy gloves to pull out the uncovered casserole dish Joonmyun had piled several bricks of instant noodles into. Most of the ramen in the dish is the same, dry, off-white color as the ceramic, but the corner that is still smoking has charred to a crispy black.
"Seriously?" Minseok taps the side of the dish with a thickly gloved finger and a chunk of charred noodles shatters off and sifts to the bottom with a ceramic tinkle. "You nearly burned down the neighborhood making cup ramen? Why am I not surprised." He gives a slow shake of his head and dumps the contents in the sink before dousing the smoldering dinner with a blast from the faucet.
"Hey, I took off all the metal foil shiny parts!" Joonmyun rubs his biceps with his palms, arms still folded across his chest in a stance of defense. It's not fair that Minseok always has to turn his mistakes into something so personal. This is just a cooking accident, after all. Could have happened to anyone. Kitchens are dangerous places.
"Next time, read the directions and then you would know to add some water," Minseok says as he hands Joonmyun the dish.
"Hey, Chief!" Another fireman in a heavy black jacket pokes his head through the doorway, nodding politely to Joonmyun before returning his attention to Minseok. "Mrs. Lee called again! There's a cat in the elm tree on the playground."
"Thanks, Henry." Minseok nods as he adjusts the fit of his fire helmet. He turns back to address Joonmyun with an arched brow, "now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I have an important rescue mission to complete."
"Thank you, Chief," Joonmyun answers in a meek, too worn out to argue further. He’s still upset about the persnickety nonsense Minseok just spewed at him in front of his gossipy neighbor, but it’s a relief he didn't have to open the explosive microwave by himself. "See you around, I guess."
"Hopefully not under similar circumstances." Minseok smiles, his teeth gleaming like ice cubes between tight lips. "But yes. Please give my regards to your mother."
Joonmyun closes the door as soon as the fire crew moves off his front lawn. He turns around to survey the mess in the kitchen Victoria left in spotless condition when she went home this morning, and is assaulted by tugging on both of his arms.
"Dad! Dad can we order pizza? Double cheese sweet potato stuffed crust and deep fried prawns?" Jongin gasps all in one breath, rattling off the latest TV spiel for Madame Pizza.
"Wait wait wait! You mean you know that hot firefighter dude? He knows your mom?" Luhan squeaks, and Joonmyun shoves everyone's clawing fingers off his arms with a groan.
"Jonginnie, we can't order out every time Victoria has a night off." Joonmyun pops the fridge door open, biting his lips and hoping there's a container of leftovers in between the jungle of cauliflower heads and yogurt cartons that he missed the first time. "And yes, Minseok Kim is in my mother's bridge club. They play every Saturday."
"But Dad--!" Jongin starts to whine.
Joonmyun looks over his shoulder to silence him with a frown. "How about...salad. There is no possible way to burn that. And we can microwave mac and cheese?"
"Yeah, but maybe me should give the microwave a rest." Jongin backs away from the yawning door of the still open oven and grabs his comic book to hold like a shield in front of his chest.
"Yeah, you're unbelievable, dude!" Luhan punches Joonmyun in the shoulder and giggles like this is some kind of carnival game: punch your neighbor, win a prize!! The only prize Joonmyun will let him walk away with, though, are the bitter remains of his hoped for dinner. "You fail at cooking instant noodles? Which I learned how to make when I was three! And you even have "noodle" in your name!"
"What?" Joonmyun blinks at Luhan's fist that is still digging into the curve of his shoulder.
"Your name," Luhan says in a loud voice, moving his lips in distinct, wide stretches as if Joonmyun were deaf and trying to lip read. "Joonmyun, ramyun, get it?"
Jongin giggles into the spine of his comic book, and Joonmyun resolves to withhold his latest manga volumes an extra 24 hours this time in retribution.
"I should just call you Failmyun from now on," Luhan says with a delighted smile, as if he were handing Jongdae a bouquet of cotton candy flavors instead of bestowing Joonmyun with an embarrassing misnomer. Because Joonmyun may not be the best cook in the family, but he's not a complete failure in the kitchen. He can definitely make instant coffee, thank you very much. "Hashtag Failmyun! Yes, I like the ring of that."
"This is private property you're trespassing on." Joonmyun turns on Luhan with the icy smile he usually reserves for business competitors and interns he's about to fire for wrecking his file archives or spilling coffee on something important like his Rainbow Brite post it note portfolio (which was his Valentine's Day gift from Jongdae this spring, by the way, Joonmyun is not responsible for owning it, as he made sure every member of the R&V branch team knows). "Please vacate the premises before I call Victoria to kick you out. She knows Kung Fu and wears stilettos."
"Yeah yeah," Luhan sneers, already backing towards the open door. "You know Vic loves me. And besides, I have the spare key to your house in my coat closet, don't forget, Failmyun!" He giggles again with a last wink as he swings out the back door.
"Bye, Uncle Lu!" Jongin waves him out and secures the screen door behind him with a firm tug. The back door always sticks this time of year. All the humidity from the rain makes the wood swell too much to fit into the frame.
Joonmyun sags against the doorpost, resting his forehead against the cool wall and trying to ignore the acrid smell tickling at his nostrils when he inhales a deep breath. They really need to open the windows to get some air flow before it gets dark.
"Hey, are you okay Dad?" Jongin's fingers are cool, the softest touch ghosting along Joonmyun's wrist.
Joonmyun lifts his head to give his son a tired, yet sincere smile. "Yeah, of course, Jonginnie. But thanks for asking." He slides a hand across the crown of Jongin's head, savoring the silky smooth slip of thick hair against his palm but is careful not to mess up the styling. "And sorry for ruining dinner. You must be starving, huh."
"Nah, you didn't ruin anything." Jongin shakes his head like a dog. His hair whips around his face like a keratin tornado before settling back into the exact same formation. "Cooking's hard. Even Vic complains about it, right?"
"You mean Ms. Victoria," Joonmyun says, but he smiles in gratitude at his son before turning to pull out the salad fixings, the sliced egg, diced tomato, and rinsed greens Victoria left stacked in tupperware on the top two shelves. "Let's order pizza, whichever flavor you like! As long as you promise to eat some salad, too."
Jongin cheers, tossing his comic book towards the ceiling and clutching it back against his chest. "Thank you!" he groans, all the vowel sounds drawn out. "But seriously Dad, flavors? We're not ordering ice cream."
Joonmyun makes a face at Jongin's judging stare and rolls up his sleeves so he won't get tomato juice on his cream colored dress shirt. Their live in nanny does help out with a lot of the cooking, but she doesn't do their laundry. Joonmyun already spent half of his weekend getting Tabasco sauce stains out of his children's T-shirt collection and ironing his own work clothes.
"Toppings, whatever. You can call the pizza place. I'm going to call your grandma and double check when we need to pick your brother up tomorrow, okay?"
"Yessir!" Jongin gives him a salute and a wink before snatching up his cellphone with the Spongebob case Amber gave him for his birthday a few months back. "Roger that!"
✌ ✌ ✌
"Hey, boss!" Amber waves over the frosted glass partition of her cubicle at Joonmyun when he enters the office on Monday morning.
"Good morning, Amber!" He gives her a bright smile as he slips his sunglasses off and flips his hair back from his forehead. Jongin isn't the only one in the family who could use a trim, but after picking Jongdae up from his mother's yesterday Joonmyun had to push a few speed limits to get Jongin to soccer practice on time, and after that was Jongdae's piano lesson. As soon as that concluded, the instructor dragged them all along to the music store in the same shopping strip as the studio to pick out new sheet music since Jongdae had flown through his lesson material yet again.
As usual, there had been no time to swing by the barber shop. Joonmyun scribbles a reminder smiley face on a strip of scrap paper floating around his desk and pins it the bulletin board behind his computer monitor. It just fits between two snapshots from last summer's family vacation to Jeju, one of the two kids crouching between bushes of yellow canola blossoms and one of Joonmyun pretending to kiss the the stone lips of a blank eyed hareubang statue near the coast.
That's another thing Joonmyun needs to make a note of, a reminder to plan their next family trip. There are too many things that slip past his attention lately. Amber does her best to keep him up to date with changes to his schedule and meetings, but she's the receptionist for the whole floor of office workers under Joonmyun's management and doesn't have time to act as his personal assistant.
But the new batch of summer interns should arrive any day now, Joonmyun thinks to himself with a sigh of self assuring relief as he jiggles the mouse on his desk. The monitor flickers to life and Joonmyun savors the smooth feel of the computer keys under his fingers as he types in his passwords, one to get to the sign in area, one to select his user info, and one to unlock the files on his desktop he's been compiling for the end of quarter financial report.
Fortunately he's almost done with charts, thanks to help from the in house accountant Krystal. All he needs to do now is type up the written explanation for the figures. The results for the first half of this year have been fantastic. They look startlingly successful on a basic graph, but the progress is no statistical error. Joonmyun knows first hand how much effort and creativity his team has put into marketing the new line of toilet paper they introduced in November, staying long hours and poring over the reviews of sample testers to tweak the products to perfection.
The two-ply success of their tissue line, establishing the name "Fresh Fresh" as a top quality value brand as well as producing a wide profit margin to put back into research for developing future products, only spurs Joonmyun’s quest for market domination. He hopes to buckle down for the remainder of the year and produce the most comfortable, appealing, and trustworthy line of items R&V has come up with yet. He would even volunteer to serve as the first sample tester, if that were possible.
"Mr. Kim?" Irene knocks on the glass window at the top of Joonmyun's cubicle wall before sliding around the partition to lean against his desk.
It’s only been a few years since Joonmyun moved into this office as the branch manager and CEO of Fresh Fresh, a small offshoot of international cosmetics and hygiene products conglomerate R&V. One of the first management changes he made was to do away with the closed off office spaces and give everyone the same semi-private cubicles, to encourage flexibility between focus and communication when either function is most necessary.
Whether or not the changes have been successful, well… Just check out the fiscal stats is what Joonmyun typed in a polite but frosty email to a nosy manager from an unrelated branch. That seemed to shut up the intruder, who often came up from two floors down to swipe Fresh Fresh's mix coffee packets and break room snacks but hasn’t been heard from since.
"Good morning!" Joonmyun greets the marketing rep with a wave, spinning his chair to face her so he can examine the tray Irene is holding out for inspection. "Ooh, did you get your hair done this weekend? The new shade looks nice!"
Irene smiles as she slides the plastic tray onto the end of Joonmyun's desk. "Thank you! My cousin did it for me. She's practicing to be a hair dresser." Irene twirls a loose curl around her finger. The tips of her long dark hair are dip dyed a brilliant flamingo pink, the same shade as the creamy shadow dusted along her eyelids.
"Is she a cosmetology student?" Joonmyun reaches across his coffee mug for a stack of forms wedged under a box of candy. The milk chocolate nuggets wrapped in foils stamped with Spiderman masks were a gift from Jongin on Parent's Day. "Could you ask your lovely cousin to hand these out to her friends and see if any of them would be interested to apply as a beta tester?"
"Oh, sure!" Irene takes the stack with smile, sliding the papers into alignment with edge of her thumb ring. "Thanks, boss, I never thought of recruiting them."
"I'm always on the lookout!" Joonmyun flips her a chocolate with a wink. Irene shakes her head at him with an amused smile as she taps a lacquered nail against the handle of the tray.
"We need approval on the official color options for these applicators before production goes ahead. These are same shades as the time, but modified with reflectors for a pearlescent effect."
Joonmyun nods, leaning in to take a closer look at the rainbow of plastic tampon applicators lined up from petal pink to lilac on the far end. "That purple one looks especially nice and opalescent." He points to the one on the end and Irene circles the serial number on the paper the sample are affixed to with a nod.
"Yes, that's what the team thought too. I'll make a note of it on the file. See you." She waves the chocolate truffle in her fingers in thanks as she glides around the corner.
"Thanks, Irene!"
The phone rings just as Joonmyun is swiveling his chair back to check the emails queued on his desktop app. The blue light on the machine means it's an internal call, so Joonmyun switches it to speakerphone and picks up the receiver.
"Hello?"
"Hey, boss," Amber says, "heads up from downstairs that corporate is sending over a new intern today. Supposed to be a personal assistant that will work directly under you."
"Oh, thank you for the notice." Joonmyun smiles to himself because finally he'll have some help around here. He hopes it's a student on summer break from a nearby university, preferably someone from a business or paralegal department who will keep on top of things and intuit his needs before he even reaches for the stapler. Like Krystal. Krystal was the perfect summer intern and Joonmyun has never regretted hiring her full time as soon as the ink dried on her undergrad diploma.
"So, can I send the dude right on in to see you as soon as he arrives?"
"Sure, thanks Amber!" Joonmyun answers, his hand hovering above the end call button. "Wait, he? Corporate is sending a him?"
"Yup," Amber says with a snap of bubble gum. "Unless the memo was a mistake. I've never met a Baekhyun before, but it doesn't sound like a girl's name."
"No, no you're right..." Joonmyun leans back in his chair to cross his ankles as he straightens the pile of paper clips and pen refill cartridges jumbled just behind his mousepad.
"I'm sure he'll be great, boss, since head quarters assigned him and all. And don't knock him before you meet him just because he's probably a dude. You've done a smashing job here yourself."
"Hehe, you have a point there," Joonmyun chuckles, blushing at the praise. "Although I can hardly take credit for all of the work you ladies in this department get done around here."
"Yeah, yeah, we know you love us!" Amber laughs too, a familiar ripple in the back of her throat. "I gotta call the cotton distributor now."
"Ok, good luck!" Joonmyun hangs the phone back on the carol and opens his inbox. Sure enough, there is an official notice from head quarters CC'ed to both Joonmyun and Amber, as well as a Byun Baekhyun.
Joonmyun skims it before clicking the tiny star in the corner to highlight it for follow up. It is a relief that he'll be getting some help around his cubicle, but he can't shake the sinking feeling that corporate sending a male intern to a 99% female department must mean something. Somehow, it feels oddly like a threat.
✌ ✌ ✌
Joonmyun's morning goes smoothly, spent answering calls and and inspecting the paperwork from cotton deliveries to the production plants. He squeezes in a few minutes before lunch time type up the last pages of his report. Just as he's finishing the concluding paragraphs he gets another call from an external number.
Joonmyun sighs at the interruption, eyeing the number scrolling across the ID screen of his phone and wondering if he can just let Amber field it. His concentration is already broken though, and it's only ten minutes until his lunch break starts, so he might as well just deal with it now.
"Hello, this Director Kim of Fresh Fresh Products, here for you and your family to serve all of your Health & Hygiene needs! How may I help you?"
There is a beat of silence in which Joonmyun's pinky finger starts to twitch against the curve of his mouse. He’s about to be very annoyed if this is a telemarketer interrupting his work. Then a loud burst of obnoxious and familiar laughter assaults his ears and Joonmyun is beyond annoyed--he actually considers banging his head on his keyboard.
"Luhan? How did you get this phone number? You have my cell if you want to make a personal call."
"You actually have to answer the phone like that? You sound like Fullerbrush door-to-door--!"
"Luhan!"
"Okay, okay! Chill, dude," Luhan hoots, still gasping for breath. "How I know is not important," he purrs as soon as he recovers enough to speak. "And you didn't answer your cell, so I had to try this line. It's all your fault I'm calling your work."
"I highly doubt that," Joonmyun spits out, his voice as controlled and professional as he is capable of sounding at the moment. "Why are you calling?" As much as Joonmyun does not want to chat with his neighbor while in the midst of a breakthroughs for all womankind finalizing the budget for research on the latest generation of tampon applicators, he knows resistance is futile. Luhan will pester him by redialing if he dares hang up. He might as well just get this over with now.
"I am calling because everyone has talked it over and we've all come to the same conclusion. It is time to stage an intervention."
"Intervention? Is someone sick? For heaven’s sake Luhan, if something happened to one of my kids why didn't you say so!" Joonmyun is already out of his seat, car keys in hand and sunglasses shoved on upside down before Luhan's laughter stops him in his tracks.
"Myun, calm down. Go sit in your orthopedic rolling chair and take a deep breath so we can discuss this. Calmly! Together. Without hysterics."
"Fine, I'm sitting," Joonmyun seethes as he plunks back into his seat. "What exactly are we discussing."
"You! Lucky you. We had a community, family, neighborhood, whatever you wanna call it council meeting, and it's official. You are now signed up for cooking classes at the community center downtown. Every Saturday morning for two months."
"Excuse me for interrupting," Joonmyun sniffs, snapping the lid off his carton of orange slices. He might as well organize his side dishes in preparation for lunch while they continue this "discussion". "But who is this 'we' you keep referring too?"
"Uh, just about everyone," Luhan says, "your mom, Jonginnie, Minseok."
"Wait, why were you talking about me to the fire chief behind my back!" Joonmyun hisses when he drops the carton he's trying to de-lid one handed and a tart squirt of orange juice sprays him in the eye. "And why do I need to learn how to cook! Victoria takes good care of the kitchen at home."
"Oh yeah, and Victoria agrees too. She even volunteered to instate a boycott if you refuse."
"Boycott?" Joonmyun can feel his internal temperature rising under his collar even as the AC unit above the window kicks on, blowing his napkin stash across his desk and half-unpacked lunch box. "You're not making any sense!"
"Vic says she--and I quote--'will not assist my employer by packing his lunches or toasting his breakfast waffles until he agrees to attend cooking classes. The employer's children, however, are exempt to this boycott by reasoning that they remain as innocent bystanders of their father's incompetence. This is for your own good, Joonmyun Kim, so there.'"
"Luhan, I don't think my nanny would be so cruel." Joonmyun counts the orange slices lined up in his carton to placate himself, trying to stay calm. "And especially that last line--are you sure that Victoria said that, or--"
"Hmm," Luhan hums loudly, "well I might have made a few inspirational word choices as edits to the original text, but let me assure you that the spirit of Victoria's note remains intact. Text her to double check if you like."
"Luhan," Joonmyun starts in the patient, even tone he reserves for reasoning with his youngest son . Luhan definitely acts like a child at times (such as right now), so maybe if he approaches this conversation with a parent's patient yet firm insistence then--
"And even if you decide to be stubborn and try living off of burnt noodles, Mr. Failmyun," Luhan giggles, interrupting Joonmyun’s train of thought yet again. Joonmyun wishes they were having this conversation in person, if only so he could stab his neighbor with his burnished stainless steel travel chopsticks. "Let me remind you that you still owe me the blank coupon out of the IOU booklet thing you gave me for my birthday, not to mention all the favors you owe me for babysitting your brats when you have to work overtime and Vic is at the nail salon!"
"That's only happened, like, twice," Joonmyun moans, still protesting but on the verge of giving in because when has he ever won an argument with Luhan. Only once, to be exact, but then Luhan cried and Joonmyun gave in anyway and loaned him his grandmother's Delft porcelain tea set for the community center fundraiser for the local orphanage.
"Nope, I don't wanna hear anymore excuses. And I'm joining the class too, for moral support. So you can complain all you want, my friend, but this is happening. You are doing this culinary course."
"Fine." Joonmyun sniffles into a napkin as he wipes the streaks of angry orange juice from his face. "I'll try it. Once, Luhan. Just once. But if I hate it I'm not going back." Probably Joonmyun's mother would take pity on him and feed him if he gets too desperate, even if she is supposedly in on this scheme. Probably.
"Okay!" Luhan cheers. "I'll take that as a definitely! See you on Saturday, dear neighbor!"
Joonmyun slumps against his chair and listens to the dial tone sear across his eardrums and stab into his temples, too exhausted from dealing with Luhan to hang up the receiver and make the sound stop. He finally manages to heave himself upright again to disconnect the call and shoves an orange slice in his mouth, then two more. He's going to need a lot of vitamin C in the near future, he has a feeling, if his immune system is going to be able to withstand spending hours each weekend with his next door neighbor.
✌ ✌ ✌
Joonmyun doesn't get anymore personal calls at work for the rest of week, thank heaven and whatever genius invented boxed mac & cheese. By the end of the week Luhan's threats have receded into a vaguely lucid part of Joonmyun's brain, alongside reminder notes about haircuts and getting the gutters checked for invasive chinchillas.
He's in a good mood when he pulls his Sorrento up into the driveway in front of his home, humming along to Rihanna on his favorite satellite radio station and thinking about dinner. It's taco night, the third Friday of the month is always taco night, and Jongdae sent him a snapchat of their meal preparations from his brother's phone almost an hour ago, only increasing Joonmyun's anticipatory hunger pangs .
The curtains at the front window are drawn but a soft haze of light seeps through the layers of linen and onto the leaves of the azalea bushes lining the front walk. The red and icy pink blossoms have wilted and washed away with the summer rain, but the leaves glow dark and glossy in the twilight. Joonmyun loves coming home after a productive day hard at work, even more so when it's a Friday evening and he can stay up late playing parcheesi with his kids and reading jazz reviews on his favorite indie blogs once they're tucked into beds in the room next to his.
"Hey guys, I'm home!"
"Daddy!" Jongdae comes running out from the kitchen in bare feet and one of his brother's T-shirts. The collar slips down one of his narrow shoulders and the hem hangs past his knees. Joonmyun can't tell if he has shorts on underneath, but since his hair is wet and plastered against his forehead he's probably fresh from the bath.
"Mm, my big baby!" Joonmyun catches him around his ribs to swing Jongdae up onto his hip. "Did you behave for Ms. Victoria today?"
Jongdae just gives him a crooked grin, a neutral response that makes Joonmyun's breath catch in his throat. He sets his son back on his own two feet and picks up his pace towards the kitchen. Joonmyun only sighs in relief once he makes it around the corner and ensures with his own eyes that the hall carpet isn't tie dyed with purple grape juice and all of the dishes and dry ingredients in the spice cabinet aren't strewn across the kitchen floor like a midsummer's snowstorm. One never knows with Jongdae.
"Oh, you're home?" Victoria leans in through the doorway to the dining room, the tray of clean silverware in her hands. "Just in time! We have the table all set and ready."
"Sorry I'm later than usual, I would've texted from the office if I'd known the traffic would be heavy on the freeway. There was some kind of accident, or something." Joonmyun sets his briefcase against the leg of the computer table and slides over to the kitchen sink to wash his hands.
"No worries." Victoria lays a thin red towel over the rolls stacked in the bread basket. "Jonginnie! Your father's home!"
"Dad?" Footsteps pound down the carpeted stairs before Jongin swings over the balustrade at the landing, hopping to the hall floor like a cat.
"Jonginnie!" Joonmyun almost chokes on his glass of water, a hand clasped to his chest as he watches his son straighten from a crouch on the floor and stroll into the kitchen. "Don't do something like that! You scared me." That earns Joonmyun an eye-roll.
"Um, it's not that far to jump, Dad. I was being careful, ok."
"Yeah, but..." Joonmyun dumps the rest of his water into the sink and stands the glass upside down in the dish drain. "What if your little brother sees you and gets ideas."
"Dad, seriously." Jongin pops open the fridge and pulls a quart of milk from the door. "You got have known he’s the one who invented the Tarzan Leap Swing. We've both been doing it since, like, last Thursday?" Jongin uncaps the milk bottle as Joonmyun feels his chest spasm again.
"Does Victoria know about this?" Joonmyun asks the ceiling, his voice faint between his lips like the murmur of his poor heart. "Hey, and use a glass please." He points to the row of mugs hanging from magnetic hooks lined on the wall above the stove. Jongin freezes with the mouth of the bottle a hair's breadth from his chapped lips.
"But Dad!" Jongin swipes at his brow with the ragged cuff of his zip-up sweater. "You drank out of that glass and put it back without washing it! Does Victoria know about that?"
Joonmyun opens his mouth to retort, then closes it again. Touche, Jongin.
Jongin smiles sweetly before taking a long gulp. He empties half the bottle in one go and swipes at his lips and eyes again as he screws on the cap.
"Jongin, are you--" Joonmyun's squint trails from the creamy froth on Jongin's upper lip to the dark smudges around his eyes. "Are you wearing eyeliner?"
Jongin spins on his heels to face the fridge and throws the bottle in, leaving it rolling on the bottom shelf next to the breadbox before slamming the door shut. He disappears into the hall and the bathroom sink turns on full blast. Joonmyun strips off his suit jacket and drapes it over the computer desk chair before limping into the dining room, feeling thoroughly unprepared once again for his weekend job--Mr. Dad.
"Are you ready to eat?" Victoria looks up from filling the water glasses to eye the bedraggled remains of Joonmyun's work clothes. He lost the tie in his car while sitting in the end-to-end traffic, and his shirt sleeves are rolled up past his elbows. He should probably go hang his dress shirt in the closet and trade it for a T-shirt so he doesn't have a nightmare of wrinkles to deal with later, but for now Joonmyun just needs to sit down and breath for a moment.
"I just washed up, but I'll change after dinner. Thanks." He pulls out the nearest chair and drops onto the embroidered cushion strapped to the seat. He picks up the salad fork laid out at his place setting and examines his sad frown in the concave surface. The blurry reflection doesn't show if he's developed any new wrinkles in the last ten minutes, so he drops it back on his linen napkin with a resigned sigh.
Dinner. After dinner he'll feel revived enough to help Jongdae with his new jigsaw puzzle and offer commentary as Jongin updates him on the plot points of their favorite action comic. Joonmyun always feels a little better after dinner.
"Jongin, can you bring in the bread?" Victoria calls into the hall, but the red towel flutters into Joonmyun's line of vision while he’s still staring at the patterns on the tablecloth. He looks up from the contours of the woven basket to find the grinning face of his neighbor.
"Luhan?" Joonmyun is confused as to why his neighbor is standing in his nice, peaceful dining room and interrupting his nice, peaceful dinner hour with a devious grin. His unnerving facial expression might not actually mean anything, but it is starting to give Joonmyun the shivers. Just like Jongdae, one never knows with Luhan. Perhaps this is a learned behavior. Perhaps Joonmyun should work on finding another, more reliable alternate babysitter for Victoria's nights off. "What are you doing here?"
"Hey, what kind of question is that! I practically live here!" Luhan's protest is supplemented by a carefully crafted pout. His large eyes are liquid chocolate as he blinks innocently at Joonmyun, and the halo of light from the brass chandelier highlights his bleach blonde hair. "I don't know why you're pretending you're not delighted to see me. Anyone with half a brain would be thrilled when I grace them with my presence."
Luhan flutters his fingers as he bends in a flourishy bow, then scratches at the sequins lining the collar of his skin tight spandex T-shirt. He's dressed in varying shades of purple today, from the hyacinth pouf of feathers fitted at his left shoulder like a brooch, to the lavender platform flip-flops on his feet.
"Why the heck are you dressed like you're role playing a circus pony!" Joonmyun is on the verge of banging his head into the table, but Victoria would scold him for chipping the china or wrinkling his napkin so he refrains.
"A circus p--? Excuse you!" Luhan taps the toe of his flip-flop in annoyance and the thick foam squeaks against the hardwood floor. "We're working on an episode about a cabaret dancer right now, and I'm just getting a feel for the character."
"As per usual," Joonmyun sighs and rolls his eyes as he slumps further in his seat. He's not sure anymore if Jongin picked up that mannerism from him or vice versa.
Luhan pulls out the seat at the head of the table and makes himself comfortable on the cushion. "Oh, and get excited! I brought I cheesy salsa since it's taco night!"
"I hate cheesy salsa," Joonmyun mutters against the rim of his water glass. A few beads of condensation roll down the sides of the cup and splash onto the bunched up sleeve of his shirt. "But thanks for bringing it, I'm sure the kids will enjoy it," he adds hastily before Luhan has a chance to plaster a disappointed frown across his annoyingly expressive features.
"You bet!" Luhan licks his lips and dips a finger into his own glass to flick at the ice cubes floating on top. "Everyone else on the planet totally loves my cheesy salsa. You're just weird, Myun."
"Hungry!" Jongdae stalks into the dining room with his stuffed giraffe, Clarence, tucked under his arm. He props the doll on the piano stool pulled up next to his chair before taking his seat in the red plastic booster seat. Until the family compromised their rule of No Toys At The Dinner Table to allow Clarence to join them at meals, it was impossible to get Jongdae to use his booster chair. He had used a stack of phone books at his grandmother's house for a makeshift seat, and ever since refused to use anything but the yellow pages at home too.
"Get ready for some cheesy salsa!" Luhan winks and reaches across Joonmyun's spot at the table to give Jongdae a high five.
"Woo hoo," Joonmyun sighs as Victoria carries in the condiment in question, glass jar steaming from a quick reheat in the microwave. "I'm so excited."
Victoria gives him a funny look as she props the dish on a hotplate and Joonmyun corrects his posture and fumbles for his napkin to unfold across his lap. The tweed of his trousers is starting to itch where it pulls across his knees and he regrets his decision not to change.
Jongin comes in, face and fringe dripping from the sink and skin scrubbed a clean pink. So he must have been wearing eyeliner then, Joonmyun thinks as he shoots him a smile. Not that he minds, it was just a surprise since Jongin has never showed interest in cosmetics or Joonmyun's skin care regimen before. He'll talk to Jongin about it later, see about buying some products together. They can pick out a line of skin toners tomorrow at the department store, maybe. That would be fun.
Victoria takes her seat at the other end of the table, next to Jongdae. "Alright, dig in guys! There's bread in the basket if you don't want a taco shell."
Joonmyun shoots her a grateful smile and sneaks a roll as he passes the tortilla shells from Luhan down to the end of the table. He likes taco night, but only for the meat and a few of the toppings. He's never been too adventurous with foreign flavors, as ambitious as he is at the workplace.
"How's work going, Dad?" Jongin takes a slurp from his brimming cup, which is actually Joonmyun's largest coffee mug he's refilled with more milk, ignoring the ice water at his place at the table.
"Oh, not too bad." Joonmyun stretches his shoulders and dollops some non-fat yogurt over the bed of shredded lettuce and taco meat on his plate. "We're working on a new project but I can't tell you the details until it officially goes into production."
"Oh, are you guys still understaffed at the office?" Victoria helps Jongdae spoon shredded cheese into his taco but it still gets everywhere. He even has some sprinkling his freshly washed hair, and Joonmyun bites back a laugh at how cute it looks.
"Well, we're ok for now because Irene is focusing on internal management at the moment instead of doing site visits. Oh," Joonmyun adds, his lips twisting into a frown as he watches Luhan douse his beans and rice with lime juice, "we're getting a new intern."
"Hey, that's great Dad!" Jongin shoves half an avocado in his mouth all at once and blithely ignores the looks or reproval both Joonmyun and Victoria shoot him. "'Cause didn't you want a new intern this summer?"
"Well yeah, but--" Joonmyun passes down the cheesy salsa with a grimace and watches in horror as Jongdae turns his rice into a sea of pink, cheesy sauce. "I don't know, Jonginnie. Something just feels...off. About the whole set up. This newbie is from corporate so I wasn’t involved in the hiring process."
"I’m sure it’ll be ok, Dad." Jongin gives him a beaming smile as his bare foot slides between Joonmyun's ankles with a reassuring nudge. "Remember what you told me about starting middle school? New people are only scary because you didn't get to know them yet."
"Aw, thanks." Joonmyun returns his smile as he picks up his fork and starts spreading the yogurt in a thin layer across the food on his plate. It's a gratifying sight to see the white sauce glazing the rich and spicy meat like whipped cream on a bakery cake. He sighs with satisfaction as he lifts the first bite to his lips, a perfect square scooped from the exact center of the mound of toppings on his plate.
"Oh hey, speaking of new people, I called our cooking instructor today and confirmed everything for tomorrow." Luhan mushes an avocado chunk with the flat of his fork and squeezes on more lime. "Don't forget! We have class bright and early in the morning! I'll be over to pick you up at 8:00."
"Thanks for reminding me of that unfortunate commitment on my nice, peaceful Friday evening." Joonmyun wilts against the back of his chair with a groan. "You better bring me coffee if you're planning to drag me out of the house before 10:00 AM."
"Ok!" Luhan just grins in response to the challenging glare Joonmyun sends him, and steals a gulp from Jongin's milk mug. "Coffee can be arranged."
"I wish I was joining the cooking class." Victoria helps Jongdae reach his water and serves him another helping of beans in between bites of her own food. "It sounds really fun."
"You could probably join!" Luhan gives her a double thumbs up and almost drops his fork into Joonmyun's water glass. "Well, the registration deadline was last night, but the cooking instructor is a pretty chill dude. I bet he'd still let you join if you really, really wanted."
"Oh, that's ok. I'll have my hands full with these guys. Besides, my cooking is already the bomb." Victoria shakes her head and flips her ponytail over her shoulder as she leans over her plate to take a big bite of her taco.
"That's the truth!" Joonmyun gives her an appreciative grin as he takes another bite. He might as well enjoy his dinner for now. There will be plenty of time to complain and be miserable about this cooking class nightmare in the morning.
✌ ✌ ✌
(part two here)