Bittersweet
Welp, after a year and some odd months of doing a good job, I got canned by the radio station I was doing part-time work at. What's really surprising is that they were always going off about how much of an amazing job I was doing. From what I can tell, the new host just didn't want to do my segment anymore. Oh well, no point in complaining about it now. It's just kind of a bummer, considering that it was the first job I had ever since I came to Korea.
Anyways, I had my first day at the animation company. There isn't a whole lot to say other than that I've never felt so worthless in my life. I never really felt like I deserved this position, but being there today really cemented it. I hate it when those horrible gut feelings turn out to be right. The job itself is great, and the people working there are wonderful. I just hate feeling like I'm wasting everybody's time while being there under false pretenses.
I think many people fail to realize that there is such a thing as too much optimism. I feel horrible complaining about such a thing, but the delusional, mom-like "You're perfect. Everything you touch is gold!" comments have this odd way of adding a bunch of pressure combined with feelings of guilt and self-loathing. I rarely ever got those comments at home, so it just feels like a bunch of lip service when it's coming from friends and acquaintances. Maybe I'm just sick in the head.
Either way, I just hope I pick up on this work quickly before the managers decide that I'm too much of a burden to keep around. Training someone for a job is one thing, but holding their hands through crap that should be super basic is another. Never in my life have I felt so undeserving of anything. Here's hoping hard work and dedication somehow makes up for lack of knowledge.
Sorry for the bummer post. I seriously need a cigarette. It's been nearly a full month since I've had one, and I think it's finally starting to get to me.
~ Jen
Anyways, I had my first day at the animation company. There isn't a whole lot to say other than that I've never felt so worthless in my life. I never really felt like I deserved this position, but being there today really cemented it. I hate it when those horrible gut feelings turn out to be right. The job itself is great, and the people working there are wonderful. I just hate feeling like I'm wasting everybody's time while being there under false pretenses.
I think many people fail to realize that there is such a thing as too much optimism. I feel horrible complaining about such a thing, but the delusional, mom-like "You're perfect. Everything you touch is gold!" comments have this odd way of adding a bunch of pressure combined with feelings of guilt and self-loathing. I rarely ever got those comments at home, so it just feels like a bunch of lip service when it's coming from friends and acquaintances. Maybe I'm just sick in the head.
Either way, I just hope I pick up on this work quickly before the managers decide that I'm too much of a burden to keep around. Training someone for a job is one thing, but holding their hands through crap that should be super basic is another. Never in my life have I felt so undeserving of anything. Here's hoping hard work and dedication somehow makes up for lack of knowledge.
Sorry for the bummer post. I seriously need a cigarette. It's been nearly a full month since I've had one, and I think it's finally starting to get to me.
~ Jen