Sink or Swim

[naamah_darling]

Had a major breakdown yesterday, started by having to individualize and address half the letters for the Great Necklace Project (GNP), several of which involved telling people the bad news. Somehow, signing, folding, and stuffing the letters was just . . . horrible. Then my husband called, we had a miscommunication, and that ended up in a really

Comments

[onceupon]

I worry about you -- take what time you need instead of worrying about whether you should have already had enough time to process this stuff.

*hug*

[naamah_darling]

Thanks.

It would be easier if everyone around me (lj company and my parents excepted) were not constantly bombarding me with the metamessage that everything will be fine and I shouldn't be worried.

Somehow the logic of that escapes me.

Seriously.

I admit, there is a kind of relief in knowing that there's no hope for my mom . . . I don't have to wait to see if she's going to get better or worse. It's just a matter of _how long_, not _whether_.

But the next time someone who knows the score tells me it's "not that bad," they are going to get the Fist of DEATH.

Grrrrrrrr!!!

[onceupon]

GRRRRRR indeed! Sometimes well-meaning people only make things worse.

But just hold on to the knowledge that you are doing something incredible to make your mom's days as amazing as possible. That's really all you can do. And if other people don't understand that, they're going to have to get themselves edumacated.

[naamah_darling]

I don't get why people have this urge to tell upset/depressed people that everything will be all right, that things will get better. I mean, hearing that is nice, sure. And very necessary.

But there's a HUGE difference between saying "You're strong enough to cope with this unbelievable crap that life has heaped upon you," and saying "Oh, these problems that seem unsolvable and are making life intolerable for you are really nothing, a cinch, and you SHOULD be able to cope with it, since you're so SMART and all."

That's where the metamessage comes in. They say "that's terrible," and make sympathetic noises, when what they mean between the lines is "you'll get over it any minute now, and if you don't . . . well, you'd better just hurry up."

I guess what I'm wanting is validation, confirmation that my problems would bother anyone, and that I'm holding up well, maybe even better than expected. And what I get is people belittling my problems, which makes me feel like a pussy for not being able to bite down and cope.

And I'm sure I'm

[vivian_shaw]

There comes a time when one has to say to the cheer-up-this-too-shall-pass-don't-be-sad-get-over-it brigade:

FUCK YOU.

You have every right to be as pissed off, frightened, sad and frustrated as you are. Don't let the bastards tell you otherwise.

[naamah_darling]

I have a finger for these people, yes. XD

[genpyris]

Hon, I think you're getting the raw end of life right now. It sucks, and it's not good.

BUT, you'll survive. You've got a loving husband and loving friends (online and offline) who are going to make sure of that.

So, go ahead. Fall to pieces. We'll pick 'em up and put them back together. (Correct assembly will cost extra...)

*HUGS*

[naamah_darling]

Thanks. :) It's good to have friends ready with screwdrivers and superglue.

(Out of context, that would seem extremely weird.)

[genpyris]

When they installed the new preacher at my parents church (big ceremony and all), I brought along a cordless drill. Everyone was agast at how disrespectful I was.... except the preacher himself, who thought it was hilarious and laughed until he had tears.

[naamah_darling]

::rofl::

Love it. Sounds like something I would do!

[phoenixprime]

Darlin', you're reacting normally to a difficult situation. And it's perfectly OK to grieve, to be angry, to rant, to be stuck, to be frustrated, to be furious, to cry, to scream, and to do whatever else you need to do to work through the emotions. Except, of course, turning into a control freak and punishing yourself. :-) Which, incidentally, I am very glad to read that you are not doing. :-)

Big hugs, and a reminder that you are in thoughts and prayers.

[naamah_darling]

I don't think there is a right response to this kind of thing, despite people trying to assert that someone under stress "should" do this or that. So far I've been all right. People have mostly given me room to feel what I need to feel and let me be. Though they tend to get impatient with my anger, which . . . well . . . pisses me off.

Thanks for the kind words. It does help.

::hugs::

<3

[phoenixprime]

"Right" response? Somebody's been smoking something, and "they" aren't sharing... I happen to agree with you - there is no "right" response. There are just typical responses - and anger, in whatever way you end up expressing it, is a perfectly normal response. Period.

So tell "they" to go piss off. If you feel like doing so, of course. :-)

*hugs*

[ex_subverse169]

hugs hugs and more hugs fecking mondo hugs...:)

[naamah_darling]

Thanks! ::hugs::

You always manage to cheer me up.

Mondo fecking hugs to you, too!