Dreams (feel free to skip)
"I don't understand" seems to be my new catchphrase. I don't get it, but there it is.
Today I don't understand why, in the past two days, I have had two dreams about being lonely and/or lost, neither of them from my point of view.
The first, I was one of my characters (Horatio) who had been turned into a young tiger. I was horribly lonely and desperate to cuddle with someone. Nobody would, they just wanted to take pictures, or pet me and leave, or most just outright ran away. I wanted to be in the middle of a snuggle-pile of people who cared about me, but I couldn't find anyone I knew and I didn't know where home was. I wandered the big city, my paws tired from the endless concrete. I became so lonely that I actually shrank to the size of a big dog, and then I died on the people-crowded sidewalk with people stepping over me (and everything became comic book panels and then I woke up).
The second, I was one of my other characters (the Baron) who had been stuck into my actual body, here. (His only real complaint about this body, incidentally, was that the floral calico-print dress I was wearing was completely hideous -- and it was, this was a dress I once owned and wore a lot during the suckiest period of my life.) He -- we -- I was far away from everyone and everything, and trying to find my way home (my -- our -- Naamah's IRL home), which involved time traveling as well as lots of driving around the Oklahoma countryside trying to find the right time and place. We kept finding the right places but at the wrong times, which was kind of creepy. I was hitching a ride with a couple of decent fellows, and we wound up at a nice ranch-style house out in the boonies. They invited me in for dinner, so I accepted. The house was full of people, all friends and family, and there were lots of little kids running around being cute nuisances It was obvious that they all loved each other very much and everyone was having a great time. A young girl asked my name, and I had to think about it, then said "Uhhhm, Lucy?" (For Lucius, the best I could do.) And then she took me by the arm and led me to the big picture window in back which looked out on a really lovely pasture full of cottonwood trees and horses. Mostly baby ones, about thirty of them, right at that age around . . . what, ten months? That age where they're really cute and just really ornery. She asked what was wrong and I said "Nothing," but I was already starting to miss my family. She asked if I could stay, and I said I really wanted to, and I'd think about it even though I knew I couldn't, I just didn't want to make her sad. I'd leave later, when everyone was busy with party games, when nobody would see. And then I leaned against her shoulder, kind of enjoying that this body was a lot shorter than I was used to, and nobody was going to be intimidated by it. I told her to wake me up when there was ice cream, because I really wanted to try it, and I fell asleep listening to people who really loved each other laughing over dinner.
This having-imaginary-people-in-my-head thing is getting a little freaky. If y'all are going to start dreaming, y'all could at least dream the good bits a little more often. Because this wistful shit is not something I know how to interpret.
X-posted from Dreamwidth. Comment count:
Today I don't understand why, in the past two days, I have had two dreams about being lonely and/or lost, neither of them from my point of view.
The first, I was one of my characters (Horatio) who had been turned into a young tiger. I was horribly lonely and desperate to cuddle with someone. Nobody would, they just wanted to take pictures, or pet me and leave, or most just outright ran away. I wanted to be in the middle of a snuggle-pile of people who cared about me, but I couldn't find anyone I knew and I didn't know where home was. I wandered the big city, my paws tired from the endless concrete. I became so lonely that I actually shrank to the size of a big dog, and then I died on the people-crowded sidewalk with people stepping over me (and everything became comic book panels and then I woke up).
The second, I was one of my other characters (the Baron) who had been stuck into my actual body, here. (His only real complaint about this body, incidentally, was that the floral calico-print dress I was wearing was completely hideous -- and it was, this was a dress I once owned and wore a lot during the suckiest period of my life.) He -- we -- I was far away from everyone and everything, and trying to find my way home (my -- our -- Naamah's IRL home), which involved time traveling as well as lots of driving around the Oklahoma countryside trying to find the right time and place. We kept finding the right places but at the wrong times, which was kind of creepy. I was hitching a ride with a couple of decent fellows, and we wound up at a nice ranch-style house out in the boonies. They invited me in for dinner, so I accepted. The house was full of people, all friends and family, and there were lots of little kids running around being cute nuisances It was obvious that they all loved each other very much and everyone was having a great time. A young girl asked my name, and I had to think about it, then said "Uhhhm, Lucy?" (For Lucius, the best I could do.) And then she took me by the arm and led me to the big picture window in back which looked out on a really lovely pasture full of cottonwood trees and horses. Mostly baby ones, about thirty of them, right at that age around . . . what, ten months? That age where they're really cute and just really ornery. She asked what was wrong and I said "Nothing," but I was already starting to miss my family. She asked if I could stay, and I said I really wanted to, and I'd think about it even though I knew I couldn't, I just didn't want to make her sad. I'd leave later, when everyone was busy with party games, when nobody would see. And then I leaned against her shoulder, kind of enjoying that this body was a lot shorter than I was used to, and nobody was going to be intimidated by it. I told her to wake me up when there was ice cream, because I really wanted to try it, and I fell asleep listening to people who really loved each other laughing over dinner.
This having-imaginary-people-in-my-head thing is getting a little freaky. If y'all are going to start dreaming, y'all could at least dream the good bits a little more often. Because this wistful shit is not something I know how to interpret.
X-posted from Dreamwidth. Comment count: