More silence.
Went to the doctor, had a really hard time and a super-quiet meltdown in the waiting area, and am totally fucking annoyed with myself even as I can't really blame myself for it. It's something that I can mostly control, yes. Just because I fail to completely wrestle it to the ground does not mean I have failed to control it, or that I am not trying as hard as I can. It doesn't mean that I didn't do a good job.
Everything went okay, and everyone was super nice. I do have a raft of other appointments to schedule now, though, and records to get hold of, and a bunch of shit to apply for, and I'm stressed out and kinda scared, and that's why I may be hard to get hold of.
Mostly I'm freaking out because I was ALREADY freaking out about shit. I would never have lost it in the office if I hadn't already been so goddamn fucked up with these proto-panic-attacks that slink and circle and nip at my heels, but never actually pounce -- though one did today, a small one. The skag whelp of panic attacks. I must point out in all fairness that this shit? This shit is bad, but it is not so bad compared to the playthrough 2 Asskicking Skag panic attacks I used to have to deal with. I've dealt with worse, this isn't that bad, and it probably won't get that bad again. I'm . . . off-balance, but I'm okay. I'll be okay. Tomorrow. I think.
If I need anything I will say, and it's too soon to start worrying about money for tests, so I'm just throwing that out the window until at least the beginning of next week. Knowing y'all have my back is hugely helpful.
If y'all want to help, link me to amusing Tumblrs or other interesting stuff to keep me distracted. Ask me random questions. Tell me stories about your pets, or show me pictures of pretty cats or pretty horses or something. Just don't ask me questions about what's going on.
I'm pretty swamped with sucky feelings and worry. And I hurt where she was poking at me. :(
Sad kitty is sad. Tired kitty is tired. Worried kitty is worried.
Do not want.
X-posted from Dreamwidth. Comment count:
Everything went okay, and everyone was super nice. I do have a raft of other appointments to schedule now, though, and records to get hold of, and a bunch of shit to apply for, and I'm stressed out and kinda scared, and that's why I may be hard to get hold of.
Mostly I'm freaking out because I was ALREADY freaking out about shit. I would never have lost it in the office if I hadn't already been so goddamn fucked up with these proto-panic-attacks that slink and circle and nip at my heels, but never actually pounce -- though one did today, a small one. The skag whelp of panic attacks. I must point out in all fairness that this shit? This shit is bad, but it is not so bad compared to the playthrough 2 Asskicking Skag panic attacks I used to have to deal with. I've dealt with worse, this isn't that bad, and it probably won't get that bad again. I'm . . . off-balance, but I'm okay. I'll be okay. Tomorrow. I think.
If I need anything I will say, and it's too soon to start worrying about money for tests, so I'm just throwing that out the window until at least the beginning of next week. Knowing y'all have my back is hugely helpful.
If y'all want to help, link me to amusing Tumblrs or other interesting stuff to keep me distracted. Ask me random questions. Tell me stories about your pets, or show me pictures of pretty cats or pretty horses or something. Just don't ask me questions about what's going on.
I'm pretty swamped with sucky feelings and worry. And I hurt where she was poking at me. :(
Sad kitty is sad. Tired kitty is tired. Worried kitty is worried.
Do not want.
X-posted from Dreamwidth. Comment count: