So a pirate walks into a bar.
I actually dreamed this.
It was Halloween and I was attending a costume contest at a museum (dressed as a bellydancing superhero). I and all the other contestants went to the museum bar to knock back a drink or two before judging began.
The costumes were pretty amazing. Someone was a robot penguin, there were at least two different kinds of wolf man, a genuine duck in a priest's collar, the requisite vampires (none of whom sparkled), some really swell fairies, a steampunk leprechaun (this one never should have happened), the actual Boromir, an ape in a human costume, and a very convincing pirate complete with wooden leg.
I sat next to the pirate and listened to him tell the story of how his leg had been severed in his sleep by a ninja parrot, ruining his career as a professional dancer and forcing him into a life of being an extra in pirate movies. When judging was set to begin, we got up, and he staggered and almost fell over. I thought he was drunk, but his leg was gone! Someone must have stolen it to keep him from winning the contest.
Horrified, we searched the room, reasoning that a wooden leg would not be easy to hide. We didn't find anything, but several times I came back to the duck, who just plain looked suspicious. There was some cloth in its beak, and some splinters. I grabbed it just as it was about to break for cover.
Its costume came apart in my hands, the beak and feet falling away to reveal a large, black, and rather ninja-like parrot.
"That's the parrot who stole my leg!" the pirate exclaimed.
Momentarily stunned, I stammered "Why the hell were you dressed like a duck?!"
"Because," the parrot said in the sort of voice that would be rendered in wiggly capitals if it were in a comic book. "Nobody would suspect a duck of stealing a man's leg."
And then everyone laughed and we made the duck give the pirate's leg back.
. . .
Most people don't have dreams like this, do they? They just go to sleep and dream about who knows what for a few hours and then wake up feeling just as sane as they did before they went to sleep, in addition to feeling well-rested. Most people don't have to wonder about the drug content of their drinking water, is what I'm saying.
I've dreamed a lot of weird things, just check the "dreams" tag, but this is a new one in my book.
I did not win the costume contest, by the way, but I am proud of myself for trying.
It was Halloween and I was attending a costume contest at a museum (dressed as a bellydancing superhero). I and all the other contestants went to the museum bar to knock back a drink or two before judging began.
The costumes were pretty amazing. Someone was a robot penguin, there were at least two different kinds of wolf man, a genuine duck in a priest's collar, the requisite vampires (none of whom sparkled), some really swell fairies, a steampunk leprechaun (this one never should have happened), the actual Boromir, an ape in a human costume, and a very convincing pirate complete with wooden leg.
I sat next to the pirate and listened to him tell the story of how his leg had been severed in his sleep by a ninja parrot, ruining his career as a professional dancer and forcing him into a life of being an extra in pirate movies. When judging was set to begin, we got up, and he staggered and almost fell over. I thought he was drunk, but his leg was gone! Someone must have stolen it to keep him from winning the contest.
Horrified, we searched the room, reasoning that a wooden leg would not be easy to hide. We didn't find anything, but several times I came back to the duck, who just plain looked suspicious. There was some cloth in its beak, and some splinters. I grabbed it just as it was about to break for cover.
Its costume came apart in my hands, the beak and feet falling away to reveal a large, black, and rather ninja-like parrot.
"That's the parrot who stole my leg!" the pirate exclaimed.
Momentarily stunned, I stammered "Why the hell were you dressed like a duck?!"
"Because," the parrot said in the sort of voice that would be rendered in wiggly capitals if it were in a comic book. "Nobody would suspect a duck of stealing a man's leg."
And then everyone laughed and we made the duck give the pirate's leg back.
. . .
Most people don't have dreams like this, do they? They just go to sleep and dream about who knows what for a few hours and then wake up feeling just as sane as they did before they went to sleep, in addition to feeling well-rested. Most people don't have to wonder about the drug content of their drinking water, is what I'm saying.
I've dreamed a lot of weird things, just check the "dreams" tag, but this is a new one in my book.
I did not win the costume contest, by the way, but I am proud of myself for trying.