Intro-perverted.
I've just written four pages, and I keep getting bogged down in details, so I am just going to say these things as plain as I can.
I am tired of being made to feel that because I am an introvert, because I am not a joiner, because I don't have the emotional or temporal resources to make my kink my lifestyle, I am somehow inferior, cowardly, or stupid.
I am tired of how my particular kink - hurting submissive men -- has been twisted by rampant misogyny into something that is no longer about what I find sexy, but is still about women pleasing men, and I am tired of how entrenched that view is within kink subculture as a whole.
I am tired of being made to feel inferior because I don't have as much real-world experience as extroverted dominants . . . who also don't live in fucking Oklahoma.
I am tired of the answer to the above problem being to just run out and get some experience - always by seeking out a group of like-minded kinksters, leading me to have to repeat that I am not a social person. I am tired of "Join a group of like-minded people!" as advice for anything, really. I just want to yell at people: "That's shitty advice to give an introvert! Shove it up your ass!"
I am tired of the implication that if I can't find a local kink group that isn't full of bickering, woman-hating assholes, it's somehow my fault for being fed up with their bullshit, and I am tired of the implication that I should give a group who can't even keep their public email list free of that shit "just one chance." If I saw a bunch of people chundering violently in front of a restaurant, I wouldn't give the food just one chance.
I'm tired of people assuming that if one group doesn't work for me, there are loads of others in my area to choose from, or that I could financially and emotionally afford to travel several hours to get to meetings in another city. I live in Oklahoma, the selection sucks, and even if it didn't, I'm still an introvert. Travel is just not going to happen.
I am tired of the public face of kink being about hierarchy and protocols and earned priviliges and categories and status-affirming use of minuscule and majuscule type, and not about what gets people like me off and how to do it safely and how to meet people who will let me do it to them.
I'm tired of a subculture that doesn't understand that as much as I like depictions of women in stiletto heels and gravity defying corsets, I would like to see some depictions of submissive men.
I am tired of the misconception that leads people to think that anyone who enjoys receiving pain is a submissive, and leads people to mistake me for a submissive woman because I find pain interesting.
I am tired of the unspoken assumption that because I am a dominant woman, my husband must be submissive to me. I am even more tired of the suggestion that because he's not a submissive person at all, I should get out of the relationship ASAP because we aren't sexually compatible.
I am tired of the assumption that all submissive men are weak little worms, and all dominant women are icy bitch-goddesses who couldn't care less about cock. I'm tired of having to choose between the collar and the pedestal, but never being offered whatever would symbolize being, you know, human.
I'm tired of it. I really am.
None of you brought this on. It was nothing you all said. It's just the result of me seeking an outlet for some frustrations and running into a brick wall where everything is geared toward extroverts and men.
I'm tired of this silence, and I'm thinking about actually just writing about things I find really sexy. Fantasies. Just to illustrate my goddamn points. Because it seems like people really don't fucking understand or care what dominant women find sexy or what being dominant is about. Bitchy gets it and Maymay gets it.
Maymay has the right idea. Over on Male Submission Art (NSFW!) he posts some great stuff (the current top post has just become my favorite picture ever, because it has damn near everything) but he doesn't allow commenting on the entries there. I get it now. He wants people to bring the discussion into their own spaces and make room for it, and thereby increase the kink footprint of folks like him, folks like Bitchy and me. And I don't know how much I will do that here, but it certainly is tempting to try.
I am tired of being made to feel that because I am an introvert, because I am not a joiner, because I don't have the emotional or temporal resources to make my kink my lifestyle, I am somehow inferior, cowardly, or stupid.
I am tired of how my particular kink - hurting submissive men -- has been twisted by rampant misogyny into something that is no longer about what I find sexy, but is still about women pleasing men, and I am tired of how entrenched that view is within kink subculture as a whole.
I am tired of being made to feel inferior because I don't have as much real-world experience as extroverted dominants . . . who also don't live in fucking Oklahoma.
I am tired of the answer to the above problem being to just run out and get some experience - always by seeking out a group of like-minded kinksters, leading me to have to repeat that I am not a social person. I am tired of "Join a group of like-minded people!" as advice for anything, really. I just want to yell at people: "That's shitty advice to give an introvert! Shove it up your ass!"
I am tired of the implication that if I can't find a local kink group that isn't full of bickering, woman-hating assholes, it's somehow my fault for being fed up with their bullshit, and I am tired of the implication that I should give a group who can't even keep their public email list free of that shit "just one chance." If I saw a bunch of people chundering violently in front of a restaurant, I wouldn't give the food just one chance.
I'm tired of people assuming that if one group doesn't work for me, there are loads of others in my area to choose from, or that I could financially and emotionally afford to travel several hours to get to meetings in another city. I live in Oklahoma, the selection sucks, and even if it didn't, I'm still an introvert. Travel is just not going to happen.
I am tired of the public face of kink being about hierarchy and protocols and earned priviliges and categories and status-affirming use of minuscule and majuscule type, and not about what gets people like me off and how to do it safely and how to meet people who will let me do it to them.
I'm tired of a subculture that doesn't understand that as much as I like depictions of women in stiletto heels and gravity defying corsets, I would like to see some depictions of submissive men.
I am tired of the misconception that leads people to think that anyone who enjoys receiving pain is a submissive, and leads people to mistake me for a submissive woman because I find pain interesting.
I am tired of the unspoken assumption that because I am a dominant woman, my husband must be submissive to me. I am even more tired of the suggestion that because he's not a submissive person at all, I should get out of the relationship ASAP because we aren't sexually compatible.
I am tired of the assumption that all submissive men are weak little worms, and all dominant women are icy bitch-goddesses who couldn't care less about cock. I'm tired of having to choose between the collar and the pedestal, but never being offered whatever would symbolize being, you know, human.
I'm tired of it. I really am.
None of you brought this on. It was nothing you all said. It's just the result of me seeking an outlet for some frustrations and running into a brick wall where everything is geared toward extroverts and men.
I'm tired of this silence, and I'm thinking about actually just writing about things I find really sexy. Fantasies. Just to illustrate my goddamn points. Because it seems like people really don't fucking understand or care what dominant women find sexy or what being dominant is about. Bitchy gets it and Maymay gets it.
Maymay has the right idea. Over on Male Submission Art (NSFW!) he posts some great stuff (the current top post has just become my favorite picture ever, because it has damn near everything) but he doesn't allow commenting on the entries there. I get it now. He wants people to bring the discussion into their own spaces and make room for it, and thereby increase the kink footprint of folks like him, folks like Bitchy and me. And I don't know how much I will do that here, but it certainly is tempting to try.