Heavens to Betsy, GO FUCK YOURSELF.
You all know that I love to fucking swear, and think that efforts to stifle others' casual use of the word "fuck" is nothing more than a tactic used by the ethically and intellectually unsophisticated to control the (usually more interesting) people around them.
You may also be aware that I was once thrown out of a doctor's office for swearing -- not at anyone, just near them, and that I still have a lingering desire to dump decomposing possum water into the window wells of that particular doctor's car.
So any instance of someone swearing in understandable circumstances and then catching heat for it draws my attention.
Oh, hey, look! This just in:
A Michigan girl's father collapses in a seizure after brain surgery. She calls 911 and, in a state of panic, drops an f-bomb.
The shit-gargling assblister assigned to the phones is so taken aback by this sort of unladylike language that he hangs up on her. More, this ignorant stump-humping fucker of dead dog's throat-holes hangs up on her three times without even asking what her emergency is because she, like most of us, is saying "What the fuck?" and this, apparently, offends his sense of propriety.
This bile-soaked maggot-brained buffoon does, however, take a moment or two away from his busy schedule of bobbing for his own prostate to call her a "stupid ass," and wastes six valuable minutes while he fondles his self-righteous boner in a masturbatory reach-around technique achievable only by those sanctimonious holier-than-thou types whose desire to police the behavior of others has so inflamed their sense of right and wrong that it's swelled their assholes shut around their own necks. Like anal anaphylaxis triggered by the word FUCK.
To cap things off, the panicked daughter finally leaves her (still seizing) father in the care of her brother and physically runs down to the police station, where this selfsame braindead dick-puke chicken-dicker proceeds to arrest a 17-year-old girl on charges of "abuse of 911."
A charge which, it will no doubt come as a complete surprise to all of you fine people, does not fucking exist.
Now the girl and her father are both fine, and are hiring an attorney, but this prissy, overgrown bully is getting only two weeks' suspension. It is not, unfortunately, barbed-wire suspension by the testicles over an Olympic-sized pool full of well-trained spitting cobras, during which he is used as the target for the prototype OMFG-9000 combo rocket-powered dildo gun and taser.
Alas.
So, here's to you, Adrianne Ledesma. May the law be swift and just, and give this guy the bludgeoning he so completely deserves. Please don't ever stop swearing, and don't let anyone tell you that ladies don't swear. You're a brave woman, Adrianne, and anyone who has a problem with your language can go fuck a carcass. I wish you and your family, especially your father, well. Stay strong. I hope you take that squealing little comefart for everything he has.
For Sgt. Robert McFarland, here's a bag of dicks. Eat 'em, shit 'em, eat shit, die shitting 'em again. Cops aren't all bastards, they are human beings with complicated, difficult jobs, but pompous, bilious douchebags like you really put the public's faith in the system to the test, and that is an unfortunate thing . . . as is the fact that you evidently cannot cope with your job, thus putting innocent -- though foulmouthed -- people and their families at risk.
Tell you what, Bobby. The next enormous shit I take? Like a treacly Top 40 song introduced by Casey Kasem, I am dedicating it to you. Perhaps its spiritual company will increase your I.Q.
Stay classy, you power-tripping pile of assvomit.
You may also be aware that I was once thrown out of a doctor's office for swearing -- not at anyone, just near them, and that I still have a lingering desire to dump decomposing possum water into the window wells of that particular doctor's car.
So any instance of someone swearing in understandable circumstances and then catching heat for it draws my attention.
Oh, hey, look! This just in:
A Michigan girl's father collapses in a seizure after brain surgery. She calls 911 and, in a state of panic, drops an f-bomb.
The shit-gargling assblister assigned to the phones is so taken aback by this sort of unladylike language that he hangs up on her. More, this ignorant stump-humping fucker of dead dog's throat-holes hangs up on her three times without even asking what her emergency is because she, like most of us, is saying "What the fuck?" and this, apparently, offends his sense of propriety.
This bile-soaked maggot-brained buffoon does, however, take a moment or two away from his busy schedule of bobbing for his own prostate to call her a "stupid ass," and wastes six valuable minutes while he fondles his self-righteous boner in a masturbatory reach-around technique achievable only by those sanctimonious holier-than-thou types whose desire to police the behavior of others has so inflamed their sense of right and wrong that it's swelled their assholes shut around their own necks. Like anal anaphylaxis triggered by the word FUCK.
To cap things off, the panicked daughter finally leaves her (still seizing) father in the care of her brother and physically runs down to the police station, where this selfsame braindead dick-puke chicken-dicker proceeds to arrest a 17-year-old girl on charges of "abuse of 911."
A charge which, it will no doubt come as a complete surprise to all of you fine people, does not fucking exist.
Now the girl and her father are both fine, and are hiring an attorney, but this prissy, overgrown bully is getting only two weeks' suspension. It is not, unfortunately, barbed-wire suspension by the testicles over an Olympic-sized pool full of well-trained spitting cobras, during which he is used as the target for the prototype OMFG-9000 combo rocket-powered dildo gun and taser.
Alas.
So, here's to you, Adrianne Ledesma. May the law be swift and just, and give this guy the bludgeoning he so completely deserves. Please don't ever stop swearing, and don't let anyone tell you that ladies don't swear. You're a brave woman, Adrianne, and anyone who has a problem with your language can go fuck a carcass. I wish you and your family, especially your father, well. Stay strong. I hope you take that squealing little comefart for everything he has.
For Sgt. Robert McFarland, here's a bag of dicks. Eat 'em, shit 'em, eat shit, die shitting 'em again. Cops aren't all bastards, they are human beings with complicated, difficult jobs, but pompous, bilious douchebags like you really put the public's faith in the system to the test, and that is an unfortunate thing . . . as is the fact that you evidently cannot cope with your job, thus putting innocent -- though foulmouthed -- people and their families at risk.
Tell you what, Bobby. The next enormous shit I take? Like a treacly Top 40 song introduced by Casey Kasem, I am dedicating it to you. Perhaps its spiritual company will increase your I.Q.
Stay classy, you power-tripping pile of assvomit.