One Year, One Day
In fairy tales, that's how long things take. A year and a day. It's a magical interval with the power to sever or reunite, to curse or to forgive. And the real world just doesn't work like that. Not even a little.
There isn't much to say about Heath -- you either understand or you don't -- but I don't want to let the day pass unremarked. I would try to be more pithy but I think Terry Gilliam says it all, pretty much. Worth reading that article.
I meant to create something to be finished today, I had a fun idea or two, but I've been sick, my studio still isn't painted, shit is not going too well, so I didn't manage. And I feel guilty about that, which makes me feel dumb. So I feel dumb and guilty, and also sad, which is not a good combination. Maybe for his birthday in April.
I'm pissed off, too. I figured the auction for his armor from A Knight's Tale would go way past the opening bid. I could have afforded the opening bid, and that's what it sold for. I feel bad that I didn't try, now. I still might've been outbid, but I would've had a damn good chance.
I watched A Knight's Tale today, since it's been too long, and since I also really love James Purefoy in that movie (and Alan Tudyk, and Mark Addy, and Rufus Sewell, and Paul Bettany -- everyone had a great time with their parts). It was fine. I know the movie almost word for word, I've seen it so much, so it wasn't as jarring or as sad as I had feared. It was okay until the letter scene, which broke me up a little, even though it's terribly cheesy. The worst part was at the end, where he's just jumping up on his friends like a big puppy and laughing that big, stupid laugh of his. I can watch him act, I can watch him do most anything, but I can't watch him laugh. He had the most alive laugh of any actor I know.
I miss him, and it's terribly unfair that he's gone forever. Trying to articulate it any further is pointless. There really isn't very much to say that hasn't been said by people with more right to say it than me.
"I guess it's always changing. What else can I say? I just wake up each day in a slightly different place -- grief is like a moving river, so that's what I mean by 'it's always changing.' It's a strange thing to say, because I'm at heart an optimistic person, but I would say in some ways it just gets worse. It's just that the more time that passes, the more you miss someone. In some ways it gets worse. That's what I would say."
-- Michelle Williams
"When he died, there were all these nonsensical stories coming out about Heath Ledger, James Dean and River Phoenix, all destroyed by the system - but that's bullshit. What happened was an absurd accident. I still don't understand it. I know he was exhausted - the last thing he said was that he was so tired and just wanted to sleep. You actually think at certain times angels come down to earth and Heath might have been one of them. And then he's gone and you think: this is all wrong, all the other people should be dead. He should be leading us all into a wonderful world of adventure."
-- Terry Gilliam
There isn't much to say about Heath -- you either understand or you don't -- but I don't want to let the day pass unremarked. I would try to be more pithy but I think Terry Gilliam says it all, pretty much. Worth reading that article.
I meant to create something to be finished today, I had a fun idea or two, but I've been sick, my studio still isn't painted, shit is not going too well, so I didn't manage. And I feel guilty about that, which makes me feel dumb. So I feel dumb and guilty, and also sad, which is not a good combination. Maybe for his birthday in April.
I'm pissed off, too. I figured the auction for his armor from A Knight's Tale would go way past the opening bid. I could have afforded the opening bid, and that's what it sold for. I feel bad that I didn't try, now. I still might've been outbid, but I would've had a damn good chance.
I watched A Knight's Tale today, since it's been too long, and since I also really love James Purefoy in that movie (and Alan Tudyk, and Mark Addy, and Rufus Sewell, and Paul Bettany -- everyone had a great time with their parts). It was fine. I know the movie almost word for word, I've seen it so much, so it wasn't as jarring or as sad as I had feared. It was okay until the letter scene, which broke me up a little, even though it's terribly cheesy. The worst part was at the end, where he's just jumping up on his friends like a big puppy and laughing that big, stupid laugh of his. I can watch him act, I can watch him do most anything, but I can't watch him laugh. He had the most alive laugh of any actor I know.
I miss him, and it's terribly unfair that he's gone forever. Trying to articulate it any further is pointless. There really isn't very much to say that hasn't been said by people with more right to say it than me.
"I guess it's always changing. What else can I say? I just wake up each day in a slightly different place -- grief is like a moving river, so that's what I mean by 'it's always changing.' It's a strange thing to say, because I'm at heart an optimistic person, but I would say in some ways it just gets worse. It's just that the more time that passes, the more you miss someone. In some ways it gets worse. That's what I would say."
-- Michelle Williams
"When he died, there were all these nonsensical stories coming out about Heath Ledger, James Dean and River Phoenix, all destroyed by the system - but that's bullshit. What happened was an absurd accident. I still don't understand it. I know he was exhausted - the last thing he said was that he was so tired and just wanted to sleep. You actually think at certain times angels come down to earth and Heath might have been one of them. And then he's gone and you think: this is all wrong, all the other people should be dead. He should be leading us all into a wonderful world of adventure."
-- Terry Gilliam