Crappy. Day.
Dinner with the family was great. I love my family.
The rest of the day sucked beyond belief. I'm in a lot of emotional "discomfort" right now. I'd be having a panic attack or something, but I'm drugged, so all I feel is a dull sort of hopelessness.
I'm not at liberty to talk about what brought it on, but I can talk about a stupid thing that's adding to my pain a whole lot all of a sudden. Well . . . I take that back. I'm not going to say it's stupid, because that's like apologizing for how I feel, and that would be stupid. But this Profiles In History auction contains an auction for Heath Ledger's armor from A Knight's Tale. This armor.
It's expected to go for around $6,000 to $8,000. I could afford that, but it would really, really hurt. I mean, that would be a fairly stupid thing to do, spending ten mortgage payments or more on a polyurethane prop. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to bid on it with all my heart. I want it so much it's . . . really quite painful, actually. That movie was silly, but it saved my sanity at one point, and possibly saved my life. Heath was a huge part of my mental landscape. Having even a very small thing of his would mean so much to me. Having the armor from my favorite character in my favorite movie would be amazing. Heartbreaking, but amazing. I feel like I should try, and I know I will feel guilty if I don't.
There's also an auction for a bloody Joker card from the Dark Knight set. I could conceivably afford that. If I could figure out how to put in an absentee bid. That would be stupid too, but . . . at least it would be less stupid. Only one house payment stupid. Forgivable stupid.
I know, I know, I shouldn't chase my tail over this. I have Lucian's jacket from Underworld, and that's all the movie memorabilia luck a girl has any right to ask for. I mean, by Palin logic, because I own that jacket, I have shagging Kate Beckinsale experience. It's awesome. So I know I should let this go without a fight. It's too expensive, I don't need it, it wouldn't change anything anyway, and I should let it go.
Hurts, though. Wow, it hurts. I didn't know I still hurt that much.
I hate this. I hate the futility of it, the illogical pain of it, and the senseless and monumental inability to just let it go, the way I always hypocritically complain that Elvis fans, Kurt Cobain fans, Marilyn Monroe fans, John Lennon fans, Jerry Garcia fans, and so forth ad nauseam, should just let it go.
(I thought about f-locking this, but . . . I don't see why I should have to hide what I'm thinking about, so I'm not. Just be civil. If you can't say something nice, you can let it go.)
The rest of the day sucked beyond belief. I'm in a lot of emotional "discomfort" right now. I'd be having a panic attack or something, but I'm drugged, so all I feel is a dull sort of hopelessness.
I'm not at liberty to talk about what brought it on, but I can talk about a stupid thing that's adding to my pain a whole lot all of a sudden. Well . . . I take that back. I'm not going to say it's stupid, because that's like apologizing for how I feel, and that would be stupid. But this Profiles In History auction contains an auction for Heath Ledger's armor from A Knight's Tale. This armor.
It's expected to go for around $6,000 to $8,000. I could afford that, but it would really, really hurt. I mean, that would be a fairly stupid thing to do, spending ten mortgage payments or more on a polyurethane prop. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to bid on it with all my heart. I want it so much it's . . . really quite painful, actually. That movie was silly, but it saved my sanity at one point, and possibly saved my life. Heath was a huge part of my mental landscape. Having even a very small thing of his would mean so much to me. Having the armor from my favorite character in my favorite movie would be amazing. Heartbreaking, but amazing. I feel like I should try, and I know I will feel guilty if I don't.
There's also an auction for a bloody Joker card from the Dark Knight set. I could conceivably afford that. If I could figure out how to put in an absentee bid. That would be stupid too, but . . . at least it would be less stupid. Only one house payment stupid. Forgivable stupid.
I know, I know, I shouldn't chase my tail over this. I have Lucian's jacket from Underworld, and that's all the movie memorabilia luck a girl has any right to ask for. I mean, by Palin logic, because I own that jacket, I have shagging Kate Beckinsale experience. It's awesome. So I know I should let this go without a fight. It's too expensive, I don't need it, it wouldn't change anything anyway, and I should let it go.
Hurts, though. Wow, it hurts. I didn't know I still hurt that much.
I hate this. I hate the futility of it, the illogical pain of it, and the senseless and monumental inability to just let it go, the way I always hypocritically complain that Elvis fans, Kurt Cobain fans, Marilyn Monroe fans, John Lennon fans, Jerry Garcia fans, and so forth ad nauseam, should just let it go.
(I thought about f-locking this, but . . . I don't see why I should have to hide what I'm thinking about, so I'm not. Just be civil. If you can't say something nice, you can let it go.)