Bad day... real bad...
Well... I finally had my one bad day on the job. Remember Ruth? The chick I showed a pic of in my last entry? Well after today, she wont be working with our security company anymore. Apparently, when I started with the company, she was on probation because she had been written up for so much stuff. Well now, there was 2 occassions where keys that were for guard accesses as well as building accesses turned up missing. And whenever keys turned up missing, it would be around her shift or mine, which was right after. The boss would have her working from 2pm till 10pm, and I would come in at 10pm and she would then go to another side of the mall and then work from 12 midnight till 6am. Well buring these times, like I said, keys would be missing. Anyway, the boss knew it wasnt me. Of course it wasnt. I want this job and love this new job I found and why the hell would I want stupid keys? Anyway, the boss then purposely stuck me and her on the same shifts because the boss knew who exactly had and or took the keys. Ruth. So anyway, me and my stupid ass never knew that the boss knew, and of course one night a few days ago, Ruth opens up to me and me and her become kewl friends, even caught rides home together in the morning after work, and she even stayed at my house when things got rough at home for her. I thought I had a kewl friend. But anyway, to make things worse, Ruth busts the keys out in front of me the exact day after the keys would turn up missing on the 2 occassions. She would tell me they were copies. But funny thing... even if they were copies, I knew damn well we werent allowed to make copies at all of the company keys, and the keys are only used to access areas or buildings for security patrol reasons... anyway, it ate at me bad cuz the boss kept asking if anyone saw the keys at all or what. So finally yesterday when I went in to work my usual graveyard shift, I see a note where the boss is very pissed and stuff demanding whoever took the leys, to put them back. Ruth was off last night. Then everything eats at me. What if the boss asks me? Whats gonna happen? Is everybody gonna be in deep shit? Well finally, come this morning the boss demands and says she knows that I know and for me not to fuck around and just out with the truth. The interrogation went on for a while, but eventually I broke down crying and finally told the truth, because I thought I was gfonna lose my job because I was accessory to knowing that Ruth had the keys and me not saying anything about it even though I saw and knew about the "copies" of the keys that Ruth had. But when I first tried to deny the boss told me that she knew that I knew something, so I had to admit it. I broke down like a mutherfucker and was hella scared I was gonna lose my job. But then in the end the boss was all happy n shit and telling me not to worry it wasnt my fault... as if that was supposed to make me feel better. Well it didnt. Ruth has 3 kids and is a single mom n shit. I feel horrible as hell about "ratting" on her. More worse, I just started becoming really good friends with her. But if I didnt say nothing, the boss said both of us would have been fired, me being fired directly on the spot when she was talking to me this morning when my shift was over. *sigh* I still got mascara run all over my face. I feel horrible. Because the boss said Ruth is fired as of today. FUCK... all Im thinking in the end of this is why me... why the fuck me... thats what I wanna know. Why is it when things start to either get steady or good, a wind full of crap has to come along and rain shit all around... More worse its company policy to let her know who "ratted" her out. :( I feel terrible. So terrible that I dont want go to sleep. *sigh* well... I finished work at exactly 7am this morning instead of the usual 6am because of this shit thats been eating at me inside. But one good thing came out of this. The boss knows for sure I work with all I got and I dont fuck around when it comes to getting the job done, but even when it comes to the good thing, I dont feel good. Even when it comes to knowing that it was Ruth's choice to do the final big fuck up, I still dont feel good at all. I just feel so terrible like I just ruined someone's life because I didnt want to go down for something I didnt do. I hate this shit... really. But theres no way Im going to quit this job. Ill find the strength somehow to keep going. But fuck... bad day today... really. At least today is payday. Now I can turn my cell back on and finally get that air con I been wanting then save the rest in my bank towards my new apartment.... But someone please help me out here.. lemme know what you would do in this situation... Cuz right now Im feeling like what I did was so wrong and Im lost when I think about it...