How to Host a Play/Sex Party

[mzrowan]

I know that hosting TKOP is intimidating for some. You don't need a bunch of kinky furniture or a huge place -- I've been to great parties that consisted of a few air mattresses, one bedroom, and twenty fun people. In my view, it's not that different from hosting a regular party (but then, I've been doing this for a while

Comments

[miss_chance]

A few months ago I went to an event in Baltimore, in a totally new context. It was fun to see what was similar and what was different. Mostly the group felt very much like my home group and I felt very comfortable socializing and playing there.

But one thing especially cool happened:
At the end of the scene I and M were playing in, after we had come down, cuddled, and put away all our gear, a person wearing a bright satin sash that said "DM" on it came by and politely reminded us to wipe down the frame with disinfectant. They were super friendly about it, and also firm and succinct. I had never been at a party with that level of attentive party-monitoring before. I found it actually really reassuring because a). being slightly nervous being a newbie to their space I *had* totally forgotten to wipe down the frame before or after our scene, and b). because that made me feel like a lot more had someone aware and watching.

I'm not sure how applicable this could be to most play parties. The acting DM/host does not get to play at all while on duty, and while in that play space, which was wide open with good sight lines, two or three DMs was sufficient, in a house broken into many rooms it might be prohibitive... but, still, I wanted to toss out that in the "How to Host" category, it helps to have some way that's legible to all guests to monitor and enforce party rules. Otherwise they're just guidelines that people can make their own judgment calls about, which might not be what one wants. Having to figure out in the middle of a party how to enforce rules to someone who is reinterpreting them would be harder.

A second thing I heard of in parties in Miami was an addition to the "party safe word" concept. At many parties I've attended, there's a party safe word of "Safeword," and if anyone is heard uttering that and having it ignored, all around should be aware. BUT in some of the Miami scene there's an additional layer: "Mayday!" If *anyone* at the party or event hears "Mayday!" all who can safely do so are required to stop what they're doing and run to the assistance of the shouter. I know that when I hear "safeword" at parties I assume (probably rightly so) that they players have responded appropriately and I don't stop what I'm doing to go check. Having a different word that meant "assistance from outside the scene is needed immediately" is an interesting concept that I wonder if we should institute up here.

Those are my thoughts. Add me to the list of people looking forward to the next lovely party you may host. :)