Hopeless Romantic No More.
Don't count your chickens before they hatch. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Wake up with Folgers. Can you hear me now?
Let me be candid with you. I write a lot of ambiguous entries that neither tell my story or feelings relating to my personal life. Well, hardly. A lot of what I feel about certain issues are hidden behind preachy wordplay and fictitious cryptograms. I never openly disclose my relationship status nor do I write anything too personal about my life, as I feel those who'd really like to know should extend the courtesy of asking, rather than trying to analyze it from the little that is written, in ambiguous form at that, then passing judgment as quickly as these words are read.
With that said, this entry will not attempt to mend a heart, lecture an already informed mind, or find a sacrificed soul. (Applause.) This entry will be about my new stance and outlook on relationships, on a personal scale -- nothing grander.
I've always called myself a "relationship-gal", meaning I never cared to date casually, have flings, or emotionally detached affairs in general. When I met someone of interest, I'd normally think, "Does he have potential to be a great boyfriend? Husband? Father?" and took it from there. I never considered just "having fun and going with the flow" because I figured, if I couldn't see anything long-term with this person, why even waste my time with them? I never meant to break anyone's hearts or be callous -- I promise; I just don't care to lead anyone on if I don't see things going anywhere. This is how my mind has worked.
Side note: Sure I had my fun years -- first two years of college were reserved for casual coffee dates and making new friends. I wasn't really interested in emotionally chaining myself to one person because I knew I was young, impressionable and wanted that time to myself to be my own person. Now this doesn't mean all of you who were in relationships as zygotes weren't your own person; all I am saying is: I wanted space to do as I pleased, without the influence of another.
Always looking out into the horizon and never appreciating what was in front of me at the moment has aged me, in more ways than two. In looking for the potential to be there, in thinking I wanted something long-term, in dismissing men I didn't feel fit the "criteria," not giving myself time or allowing the emotional availability needed to just enjoy the person without analyzing every characteristic trait -- had made me an emotional progeriac.
Having such high expectations, in wanting a long-term commitment, hoping for that deep, romantic connection from the get-go -- I'd sold myself short, completely. I feel as if all my life, I've gone through the process of: 1) pre-screening potential partners; 2) enduring through the interviewing process; 3) going through a probationary period of a few months; 4) expecting great performance and lasting potential -- only to find that they were either sleeping on the job or applying for jobs elsewhere WHILE on the job. I always got all of the winners. Or was it weiners? Same difference.
Considering my pattern of excitedly filling my "undesirables" quota with weiners on a yearly basis, I've decided to take a step back to observe the reasons behind my unsuccessful attempts at making a relationship work/last. (My girlfriends call them "losers" but I'm the nice one in the group.
) It's never just me and it's never just them. If it was that easy, we wouldn't need therapists in the world. Given I am only 25, I am not in a hurry to take on the name of "Mrs. Ball and Chains" but it does make me think about my past relationships and how I can better my understanding of human interactions (not necessarily men because everyone is so different) to possibly snag me a winner the next time around. And I think the only way I can really better my understanding is to meet different people and just engage, halting the chiming of wedding bells that Father Time tolls.
So I will date, casually, but pickily [sic]. (Hey, this is my LJ and I can make up my own words should I choose to.) Fellow English majors need not wave me off dismissively. I am going to stop putting so much pressure on myself to be this "relationship-gal" because from those pressures are borne un-met expectations and growing cynicism. And you know, I wish to remain optimistic and hopeful, that a future Mister AkikoKim will fight the good fight for me.
I need to stop making things into what I need them to be, and appreciate them for what they are. I need to stop thinking about potentials and long-term relationships and get to know each person as an individual, not just a shoe to be filled. I need to quit making molds for people to fill and see what they have to offer as a person. And I need to stop making excuses for men who don't deserve a minute of my time. Haven't you learned anything, AkikoKim? Stop putting on those blinders and get out while it's early; you see all the signs -- why can't you stop giving them the benefit of a doubt and flush them out of your life? You dismiss the good ones and go for the bad ones. What is your problem you silly silly (but wonderful) woman you!
I am no longer an idealist. I am no longer a hopeless romantic, but merely a hopeful one. Hopelessness beds unsatisfaction which spawns an eternal search for greener pastures and I'm much too lazy for that hunt (constantly searching for that which I believe I can obtain, but won't be able to). I'm more realistic. I'm more understanding of peoples' flaws because I have my own. I accept 80% romantic connectivity rather than pursuing 100%. Nevermind -- I'll shoot for 100% but if the results trickle down to 80%, I'll be happy. I don't think successful relationships have to be borne from an emotional fireworks display, nor does it need to be based on a "She/He is the one!" type of feeling from the moment you meet someone. To me, these are realized through time and I don't care to build castles on air, hoping they'll stay afloat. I need something sturdier.
I believe in working for Love, rather than believing I will just find it. Because who is to say that just because you have these wonderful sparks and you hear the angels singing and birds chirping, he/she will be your future forever? No guarantees. It's what you make of it, and that's why working towards Love is what I strive for.
Happenstance romances are the best; unexpected encounters, stolen glances from afar, pitter pattering of the heart - nothing premeditated, no pressures or expectations, just natural feelings coming from a natural reaction in a natural environment among two people who act naturally. I will no longer reduce myself to the level of haphazardly shrugging off men who don't fit the bill, but instead, will accept each individual as complete, whole parts, rather than someone who will be the Yin to my Yang, to "complete" me.
Internet relationships rarely make such a connection. Set-ups rarely set us up with such a find. Searching and probing for a connection will leave us feeling empty and drained.
I won't look for it or expect it but just wait. And when I least expect it, even the cynic in me will be surprised by a chance encounter with an individual who will make me believe in the concept of a soulmate.
Until then . . . I'll be happy experiencing. I'll live for the moment and not for what's to come ten years from now. Those years will take care of themselves when the time comes. In the meantime, I'm just going to take some time taking care of yours truly. I think I owe it to myself.
Hi.
Let me be candid with you. I write a lot of ambiguous entries that neither tell my story or feelings relating to my personal life. Well, hardly. A lot of what I feel about certain issues are hidden behind preachy wordplay and fictitious cryptograms. I never openly disclose my relationship status nor do I write anything too personal about my life, as I feel those who'd really like to know should extend the courtesy of asking, rather than trying to analyze it from the little that is written, in ambiguous form at that, then passing judgment as quickly as these words are read.
With that said, this entry will not attempt to mend a heart, lecture an already informed mind, or find a sacrificed soul. (Applause.) This entry will be about my new stance and outlook on relationships, on a personal scale -- nothing grander.
I've always called myself a "relationship-gal", meaning I never cared to date casually, have flings, or emotionally detached affairs in general. When I met someone of interest, I'd normally think, "Does he have potential to be a great boyfriend? Husband? Father?" and took it from there. I never considered just "having fun and going with the flow" because I figured, if I couldn't see anything long-term with this person, why even waste my time with them? I never meant to break anyone's hearts or be callous -- I promise; I just don't care to lead anyone on if I don't see things going anywhere. This is how my mind has worked.
Side note: Sure I had my fun years -- first two years of college were reserved for casual coffee dates and making new friends. I wasn't really interested in emotionally chaining myself to one person because I knew I was young, impressionable and wanted that time to myself to be my own person. Now this doesn't mean all of you who were in relationships as zygotes weren't your own person; all I am saying is: I wanted space to do as I pleased, without the influence of another.
Always looking out into the horizon and never appreciating what was in front of me at the moment has aged me, in more ways than two. In looking for the potential to be there, in thinking I wanted something long-term, in dismissing men I didn't feel fit the "criteria," not giving myself time or allowing the emotional availability needed to just enjoy the person without analyzing every characteristic trait -- had made me an emotional progeriac.
Having such high expectations, in wanting a long-term commitment, hoping for that deep, romantic connection from the get-go -- I'd sold myself short, completely. I feel as if all my life, I've gone through the process of: 1) pre-screening potential partners; 2) enduring through the interviewing process; 3) going through a probationary period of a few months; 4) expecting great performance and lasting potential -- only to find that they were either sleeping on the job or applying for jobs elsewhere WHILE on the job. I always got all of the winners. Or was it weiners? Same difference.
Considering my pattern of excitedly filling my "undesirables" quota with weiners on a yearly basis, I've decided to take a step back to observe the reasons behind my unsuccessful attempts at making a relationship work/last. (My girlfriends call them "losers" but I'm the nice one in the group.
) It's never just me and it's never just them. If it was that easy, we wouldn't need therapists in the world. Given I am only 25, I am not in a hurry to take on the name of "Mrs. Ball and Chains" but it does make me think about my past relationships and how I can better my understanding of human interactions (not necessarily men because everyone is so different) to possibly snag me a winner the next time around. And I think the only way I can really better my understanding is to meet different people and just engage, halting the chiming of wedding bells that Father Time tolls.
So I will date, casually, but pickily [sic]. (Hey, this is my LJ and I can make up my own words should I choose to.) Fellow English majors need not wave me off dismissively. I am going to stop putting so much pressure on myself to be this "relationship-gal" because from those pressures are borne un-met expectations and growing cynicism. And you know, I wish to remain optimistic and hopeful, that a future Mister AkikoKim will fight the good fight for me.
I need to stop making things into what I need them to be, and appreciate them for what they are. I need to stop thinking about potentials and long-term relationships and get to know each person as an individual, not just a shoe to be filled. I need to quit making molds for people to fill and see what they have to offer as a person. And I need to stop making excuses for men who don't deserve a minute of my time. Haven't you learned anything, AkikoKim? Stop putting on those blinders and get out while it's early; you see all the signs -- why can't you stop giving them the benefit of a doubt and flush them out of your life? You dismiss the good ones and go for the bad ones. What is your problem you silly silly (but wonderful) woman you!
I am no longer an idealist. I am no longer a hopeless romantic, but merely a hopeful one. Hopelessness beds unsatisfaction which spawns an eternal search for greener pastures and I'm much too lazy for that hunt (constantly searching for that which I believe I can obtain, but won't be able to). I'm more realistic. I'm more understanding of peoples' flaws because I have my own. I accept 80% romantic connectivity rather than pursuing 100%. Nevermind -- I'll shoot for 100% but if the results trickle down to 80%, I'll be happy. I don't think successful relationships have to be borne from an emotional fireworks display, nor does it need to be based on a "She/He is the one!" type of feeling from the moment you meet someone. To me, these are realized through time and I don't care to build castles on air, hoping they'll stay afloat. I need something sturdier.
I believe in working for Love, rather than believing I will just find it. Because who is to say that just because you have these wonderful sparks and you hear the angels singing and birds chirping, he/she will be your future forever? No guarantees. It's what you make of it, and that's why working towards Love is what I strive for.
Happenstance romances are the best; unexpected encounters, stolen glances from afar, pitter pattering of the heart - nothing premeditated, no pressures or expectations, just natural feelings coming from a natural reaction in a natural environment among two people who act naturally. I will no longer reduce myself to the level of haphazardly shrugging off men who don't fit the bill, but instead, will accept each individual as complete, whole parts, rather than someone who will be the Yin to my Yang, to "complete" me.
Internet relationships rarely make such a connection. Set-ups rarely set us up with such a find. Searching and probing for a connection will leave us feeling empty and drained.
I won't look for it or expect it but just wait. And when I least expect it, even the cynic in me will be surprised by a chance encounter with an individual who will make me believe in the concept of a soulmate.
Until then . . . I'll be happy experiencing. I'll live for the moment and not for what's to come ten years from now. Those years will take care of themselves when the time comes. In the meantime, I'm just going to take some time taking care of yours truly. I think I owe it to myself.
Hi.