(no subject)
Since the dawn of time, men have traditionally been the pursuers in a relationship. Considering this, a lot of women have been conditioned to look for interest from men first before they begin to evaluate their own feelings. It's like the old, I'll own the interview, get the job offer, then decide whether or not I want to take it kind of attitude.
I suppose it's not just women but many people in general who think this way; you want to make sure the probability of you getting the winning hand is high before you make a big wager, especially if you're wagering your heart. Smart business/entrepreneurial move but not a smart move when it comes to relationships.
Sure we all look for stability at some point in our lives and we may want to make sure the ground below us is steady before taking the next step but how are we to gauge our feelings properly if we are looking to get the acceptance from the other before evaluating what we want first? You shouldn't want to be with someone because they want to be with you; you're selling yourself short by spending so much time wanting to be accepted, rather than spending that time looking for what you truly want and need, not to mention something you deserve.
This thought also falls in line with changing for another person. I've mentioned this before but don't change yourself for someone just to gain their acceptance. If you keep changing yourself to fit the mold everyone else has set for their ideal mate, how will you ever let the real you shine through? I admit I've been guilty of trying to change myself for another before but not anymore. You can't make everyone happy and you shouldn't have to. Just be you; show strength and confidence in who you are and you will attract those who are deserving of your attention. If they're trying to change you, then they're not with you for the person you are but the person they hope to be with. Don't settle for someone who settles for you.
Add: Yes. Change is good if it affects the two in the relationship in a positive way.
My guy friends always complain about how women say they want a good guy but always end up dating the bad ones. These guys are so sick and tired of these whiners who believe they want one thing but always fall victim to their old ways.
Well, I believe we females can say the same thing about you, my good men.
I don't know what it is but most of the guys I've dated have had at least one psycho-exgirlfriend under their belt (in more ways than one) and they chalk it up to dating these gals just for their looks, without really getting to know them. These men tell me they are glad to be with someone who isn't psychotic or dramatic and a few months of blissful exuberance and contentment flit by in a moment's time.
However, after a while, these men get tired of the stability and the drama-less experience and so they want to stir it up. If you've had a lot of drama in the past, regardless of whether or not you liked it or not, you're used to it so you start to fidget when you're in a cruise-control type of relationship. Suddenly, everything that used to be sweet is no longer, and the relationship becomes stagnant. Making breakfast for them at 5 in the morning is no longer considered thoughtful but "routine." Being considerate and letting them have their way here and there means you're a doormat. Not saying anything when reservations for two become a boys' night out means you're a pushover. Not arguing about petty things means the passion is evanescing. And so with this desire to have some of the drama (err, excuse me, excitement) back in their life, they're back at square one with the bad girls and the down-to-earth gals are left wondering, "What?"
Maybe he's/she's just not that into her/him is an easy way of explaining things but on a broader spectrum, why do people in general want one thing but tend to walk the other way? Sure there's the challenge aspect, but if that is the case, why even complain? That is the most annoying thing in the world; don't complain about something you can change! We have no one but ourselves to blame if our relationships do not work out time after time because a lot of times, we allow ourselves to fall under the same pattern. We're the ones who decided to tether ourselves to these ideals and if we cannot break free from them for whatever reason, then all the tears and bitter rantings aren't going to change a thing.
I am so tired. I can't wait until this weekend.
I suppose it's not just women but many people in general who think this way; you want to make sure the probability of you getting the winning hand is high before you make a big wager, especially if you're wagering your heart. Smart business/entrepreneurial move but not a smart move when it comes to relationships.
Sure we all look for stability at some point in our lives and we may want to make sure the ground below us is steady before taking the next step but how are we to gauge our feelings properly if we are looking to get the acceptance from the other before evaluating what we want first? You shouldn't want to be with someone because they want to be with you; you're selling yourself short by spending so much time wanting to be accepted, rather than spending that time looking for what you truly want and need, not to mention something you deserve.
This thought also falls in line with changing for another person. I've mentioned this before but don't change yourself for someone just to gain their acceptance. If you keep changing yourself to fit the mold everyone else has set for their ideal mate, how will you ever let the real you shine through? I admit I've been guilty of trying to change myself for another before but not anymore. You can't make everyone happy and you shouldn't have to. Just be you; show strength and confidence in who you are and you will attract those who are deserving of your attention. If they're trying to change you, then they're not with you for the person you are but the person they hope to be with. Don't settle for someone who settles for you.
Add: Yes. Change is good if it affects the two in the relationship in a positive way.
My guy friends always complain about how women say they want a good guy but always end up dating the bad ones. These guys are so sick and tired of these whiners who believe they want one thing but always fall victim to their old ways.
Well, I believe we females can say the same thing about you, my good men.
I don't know what it is but most of the guys I've dated have had at least one psycho-exgirlfriend under their belt (in more ways than one) and they chalk it up to dating these gals just for their looks, without really getting to know them. These men tell me they are glad to be with someone who isn't psychotic or dramatic and a few months of blissful exuberance and contentment flit by in a moment's time.
However, after a while, these men get tired of the stability and the drama-less experience and so they want to stir it up. If you've had a lot of drama in the past, regardless of whether or not you liked it or not, you're used to it so you start to fidget when you're in a cruise-control type of relationship. Suddenly, everything that used to be sweet is no longer, and the relationship becomes stagnant. Making breakfast for them at 5 in the morning is no longer considered thoughtful but "routine." Being considerate and letting them have their way here and there means you're a doormat. Not saying anything when reservations for two become a boys' night out means you're a pushover. Not arguing about petty things means the passion is evanescing. And so with this desire to have some of the drama (err, excuse me, excitement) back in their life, they're back at square one with the bad girls and the down-to-earth gals are left wondering, "What?"
Maybe he's/she's just not that into her/him is an easy way of explaining things but on a broader spectrum, why do people in general want one thing but tend to walk the other way? Sure there's the challenge aspect, but if that is the case, why even complain? That is the most annoying thing in the world; don't complain about something you can change! We have no one but ourselves to blame if our relationships do not work out time after time because a lot of times, we allow ourselves to fall under the same pattern. We're the ones who decided to tether ourselves to these ideals and if we cannot break free from them for whatever reason, then all the tears and bitter rantings aren't going to change a thing.
I am so tired. I can't wait until this weekend.