Free Ramble, Stamina, Faith
First of all, apologies for this post. Its just I keep finding myself in the same spot, thinking the same thoughts that keep me pursuing the *wrong* things. I'm struggling to change my patterns.
Am I dumb? I turned down a job because of the commute and hours. Very compicated for this mommy, but probably not impossible and I really need the money. And I keep getting "not interviewed" which is quite a new trend for this A+, teacher's pet type. Then, my broker just emailed me in response to me requesting a new status and said she's not letting me go. Well, flattering, maybe, but its not what I want. I also turned down that last client because it didn't feel right.
I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. But I am finally really scared. It seems like the edge keeps shoving up against me closer and sharper and I still keep crouching back. The typical, "Feri turned my life upside down" story. My story is "I don't know" and "I don't know enough". (See first sentence in this pp) The universe, or God Herself is confirming my unwillingness to stay in an office job and I am stubbornly refusing anything else.
Actually, I did submit a story and it too got a "no". And as unsurprising as that is, for many reasons, it also felt like I did Dare and so I should've been rewarded. I know, not the point of Daring - right? So, the question may be, where do you get the stamina when you're already running on empty and you've just started the real race?
And as always, to walk my talk, I will end this post on the positive:
I am grateful for my new fab four - thanks for fighting for me!
I am grateful for my son and his fantastic humor.
I am grateful for time with my teacher - just being in her presence is helpful.
I am grateful for my hand made Solstice card creativity.