blaahhhh.......
i know i should be sleeping right now, but im here... writing a journal. boo.
have you ever had the feeling of need for someone to be there for you? though you're right in front of them you hope for that person to understand what you're going through? wanting for the person to just walk up to you to give you all the comfort you need? for that person to catch your tears when they fall? for the person to take all the pain away?
i started the day alright.. thinking and hoping i'd be able to leave work at 4pm. however, 2 people called out and kollette and i had to cover their shift. which means... i pulled off an 11 hour shift which i havent done in so very long. im exausted.. frustrated. work was fine.. tiring, that's all. once i got off work, i was hoping to see chris. part of me was saying GO HOME and the other part was telling me GO VISIT HIM! i ended up going to his house, hoping that i'd get comfort and relieve stress from work and everything else. i called and told him that im coming through, but only for a little while. he ended up being angry for the fact that he wanted me to stay longer. im tired from work. i just wanted to go home and rest. he gave me attitude and told me... you shouldve gone home. you didnt have to come here. if you gotta go, you gotta go. I HATE THAT! why cant he just comfort and give me my needs. i just wanted to have someone special i could come home to... to make my day complete. i needed him to be there. but it seemed like he wasnt. everytime i show him my needs, besides the making love thing... he cant seem to satisfy it.. especially when im in great need of comfort. sometimes when i say im tired and i want to rest, he just wants to "do it". what happened to no means no? i dont quite understand him sometimes. its not all the time he has to have it. so much pressure.. its starting to feel like pain. it confuses me. its like i want to take a break from seeing him all the time, but i know its going to be hard for the both of us. i dont know what to do. i cried when i was in his room, but he completely ignored me. yeah, he asked why i was crying.. but that was it. why does it feel like im back where i was [past relationship]? show me you care for me!!! not just by protecting me from harm, but protecting my feelings. love me.. hug me when im sad and feeling low.. catch my tears when crying.. make it better when im hurt. dont leave me in the cold... i cant make it better.. i need chris to make it go away. he said he was gonna call back, but he never did. he tells me he will, but i wait..... i wait longer than 15 minutes.. still i dont receive any calls.. why is he doing this. he doesnt know it hurts me. he doesnt know that what he's doing hurts me. yeah, i may be hurting him when i let the words come out of my mouth, but its only for the best.. hoping that itll hit him and realize that there are things i need from him. yeah, im a needy person when it comes to relationship.. i love feeling and knowing that that person cares for me. that he notices my ups and downs. i just really need him to realize where im coming from..... if he loves me he would. im not asking him to change... im hoping that he'd UNDERSTAND ME.
have you ever had the feeling of need for someone to be there for you? though you're right in front of them you hope for that person to understand what you're going through? wanting for the person to just walk up to you to give you all the comfort you need? for that person to catch your tears when they fall? for the person to take all the pain away?
i started the day alright.. thinking and hoping i'd be able to leave work at 4pm. however, 2 people called out and kollette and i had to cover their shift. which means... i pulled off an 11 hour shift which i havent done in so very long. im exausted.. frustrated. work was fine.. tiring, that's all. once i got off work, i was hoping to see chris. part of me was saying GO HOME and the other part was telling me GO VISIT HIM! i ended up going to his house, hoping that i'd get comfort and relieve stress from work and everything else. i called and told him that im coming through, but only for a little while. he ended up being angry for the fact that he wanted me to stay longer. im tired from work. i just wanted to go home and rest. he gave me attitude and told me... you shouldve gone home. you didnt have to come here. if you gotta go, you gotta go. I HATE THAT! why cant he just comfort and give me my needs. i just wanted to have someone special i could come home to... to make my day complete. i needed him to be there. but it seemed like he wasnt. everytime i show him my needs, besides the making love thing... he cant seem to satisfy it.. especially when im in great need of comfort. sometimes when i say im tired and i want to rest, he just wants to "do it". what happened to no means no? i dont quite understand him sometimes. its not all the time he has to have it. so much pressure.. its starting to feel like pain. it confuses me. its like i want to take a break from seeing him all the time, but i know its going to be hard for the both of us. i dont know what to do. i cried when i was in his room, but he completely ignored me. yeah, he asked why i was crying.. but that was it. why does it feel like im back where i was [past relationship]? show me you care for me!!! not just by protecting me from harm, but protecting my feelings. love me.. hug me when im sad and feeling low.. catch my tears when crying.. make it better when im hurt. dont leave me in the cold... i cant make it better.. i need chris to make it go away. he said he was gonna call back, but he never did. he tells me he will, but i wait..... i wait longer than 15 minutes.. still i dont receive any calls.. why is he doing this. he doesnt know it hurts me. he doesnt know that what he's doing hurts me. yeah, i may be hurting him when i let the words come out of my mouth, but its only for the best.. hoping that itll hit him and realize that there are things i need from him. yeah, im a needy person when it comes to relationship.. i love feeling and knowing that that person cares for me. that he notices my ups and downs. i just really need him to realize where im coming from..... if he loves me he would. im not asking him to change... im hoping that he'd UNDERSTAND ME.