A Swell Party 10/13 - PG
Title: A Swell Party 10/13
Fandom: Doctor Who/Jeeves and Wooster crossover
Rating: PG
Summary: Following a signal, the trio find themselves in the quaint time of Jeeves and Wooster. Unfortunately, getting their hands on what they're after isn't as easy as they might expect. Eventual 9/Rose/Jack
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Rose was sitting in the upstairs drawing room when the Doctor walked in and grinned at her, the door swinging shut behind him.
“Well?” he asked.
Rose frowned at him.
“Well what?” she replied.
He frowned back.
“I thought you wanted to talk to me about something? I assumed you’d gotten some information out of the harridan downstairs.”
“I was told you wanted to talk to me,” Rose said, standing. “Bertie told me.”
The Doctor turned abruptly and began tugging at the door handle.
“Ohohoho!” he said, fumbling for his sonic screwdriver and turning it on the lock. “What does he think he’s trying to pull?”
“You think he planned this?” Rose asked, moving beside him to watch. The Doctor pushed at the door again, but still it wouldn’t open.
“Him? Hah! He’s even more stupid than the average human. He’s involved somehow though,” he grunted as he rammed his shoulder against the door. Nothing happened.
That was because on the other side of the door was a rather large bookcase and a sofa, which Jeeves, Bertie and Claude and Eustace - who were thrilled to be involved in the mischief - had moved in front of it. Mainly because Jeeves, through all his wiles and cunning, had been unable to locate the key, as it had accidentally been dropped down the drain a few months ago and as yet a new one had not been cut.
“Give Jack a ring,” the Doctor said, finally giving up on the door. He was staring out the window, weighing up the odds of climbing down. As there were no handy drainpipes nearby, and he was in fact faced with a two-storey drop, the inarguable answer was ‘Not bleeding likely, mate’.
“Haven’t got my phone,” Rose said. “Wouldn’t be able to use it most of the time here, so I left it in my room.”
The Doctor snorted and slouched over to join her on the couch, the back of which was far too upright for him to slump comfortably on, but he wasn’t about to let that stop him.
“What will people say when they find out we spent the afternoon locked in a room together,” Rose sighed melodramatically. “Think of the scandal! You do realise, Doctor, that you’ll have to marry me in order to save my virtue.”
“You’re already engaged,” the Doctor pointed out.
“I’m having an affair and I’m not even married.” Rose clucked her tongue. “What kind of slapper am I?”
-----
“Truth or dare?” Rose asked after about an hour or so, because, really, there wasn’t anything else to do. “And you’re not allowed to choose dare.”
“Then why don’t you just say ‘truth’?” the Doctor asked irritably, standing at the window again, watching as people bustled about on the lawn - too far away to hear any shouts, he’d considered the possibility thoroughly - setting up the marquee for Angela’s birthday party.
“Because it’s not just truth, it’s Truth or Dare.” Rose craned her neck, trying to catch sight of the Doctor from where she was lying, sprawled on the sofa like a lady having an attack of the vapours. “You just can’t choose dare.”
The Doctor rolled his eyes at a passing pigeon.
“Fine. Truth.”
“What’s your…favourite kind of sweet?”
“Jelly babies,” the Doctor said, without hesitation.
Rose propped herself up on her elbows and stared at him.
“Jelly babies?” she repeated. “Really?”
The Doctor glanced back at her and raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, really,” he said. “Why?”
“Just…I dunno…” She lay back down again. “Alright. Who do you think’s prettier, Keira Knightly or Charlotte Church?”
“Aren’t I supposed to ask now?”
“No,” Rose told him. “Answer the question.”
“Neither.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the truth.”
“You’ve got to think one’s prettier,” Rose said.
“Why do you want to know?” the Doctor asked, turning to face her and folding his arms.
“Why were you so upset when you thought I’d run off with Bingo?” Rose sat up, raising her eyebrows challengingly at him.
“Why are you bothered?”
“Why were you so upset when Jack kissed me?”
His mouth twitched slightly. Rose tilted her head to the side, waiting for an answer.
“I wasn’t upset,” he lied blithely.
“Yes you were,” she said. “You did that whole ‘jealous boyfriend’ thing that you always do.”
“I did not!”
“You did. You looked like you were about to thump him.”
“And you think it’s because he kissed you? Think highly of yourself, don’t you?”
The barb fell short.
“You always get like that,” she continued. “’Specially when Jack first came along. Then you got better.”
“That’s ‘cause he started behaving himself.”
“Liar,” Rose accused. “Jack didn’t change his behaviour at all. You just got used to him. You were jealous of one of us, Doctor. Which one?”
“What my companions choose to do is none of my business,” the Doctor told her shortly. “As long as I don’t have to deal with any of your messy human break-ups when it all goes sideways, I don’t care.”
“Bollocks don’t you!” Rose cried. “If that was true, you wouldn’t have cared that I’d gone off with Bingo, or about Mickey, or Adam! And what about Jack? I saw you giving the evils to that woman on Colmore! And that bloke back on Mars!”
“Why do you suddenly care about all this now?” the Doctor demanded.
“When else am I gonna have you stuck in one place long enough to ask you?” Rose shot back.
“I’ve given you an answer,” the Doctor snapped. “If you don’t like it, that’s not my problem.”
“It will be your problem, because I’m not letting go of this until you tell the truth!”
“That’s typical of you humans, isn’t it? If you hear something you don’t like then obviously it’s not true,” he sneered. “Guess what, that’s not the way it works. I give you an answer and that’s it, final. No ‘you’re in denial’, or whatever. The answer is very simple, but I’ll say it slowly, so you can understand. I don’t care!”
Rose scowled at him and he turned to stare out the window again.
-----
Claude and Eustace were sitting hunched over a table, talking in quite, conspiratorial voices and grinning wickedly. Jack paused to appreciate the view from a distance for a moment, before sauntering over to them.
“Hey,” he said cheerfully. “What’s going on?”
Claude looked up at him, and his grin widened.
“Hallo! You’re looking a little lonely,” he said, and Eustace didn’t quite succeed in turning a laugh into a cough.
“Mm,” Jack agreed, eyeing them suspiciously, raising his eyebrow. “Yeah. You haven’t seen the Doctor or Rose about, have you?”
“No,” Eustace said, with an expression far too innocent to be real. “Have you checked their rooms?”
“Yes…” Jack said slowly. “What’re you guys up to?”
“Oh, nothing.” Claude covered the paper with his arm and smiled up at Jack. “Just a little thing to pass the time.”
“Have you tried down by the lake?” Eustace said. “They might’ve gone down there.”
“I’ll have a look.” Jack glanced down at the paper again, then flashed the twins a smile. “Thanks.”
-----
Being stuck in the drawing room was a good deal more boring when Rose wasn’t talking to him, the Doctor discovered very quickly. He was, however, too stubborn to try to do anything to correct this situation, since it was her fault he’d snapped at her anyway.
She let out another heartfelt sigh - the third one in the last five minutes - and his patience snapped.
“Will you stop that?”
“I thought you didn’t care what I did,” Rose said lightly, inspecting her fingernails. “Which is, y’know, fine, since I only left my entire life behind to come travelling with you. My mum, and my boyfriend. And, yeah, you’d blown my job up, but I could’ve done A-Levels…And, y’know, you only put my life in mortal danger every other day, but of course, it doesn’t matter about all that, because you don’t care anyway, so it’s not a big deal.”
“Oh leave off it,” the Doctor muttered, turning back to squint at the people way down the lawns.
“Why should I? You don’t care, after all - ”
“I do care!” the Doctor exploded, whirling on her. “Alright?! I care! Is that what you want to hear? About you and Jack and the pair of you drive me crazy, but I know - ”
He cut himself off and shot Rose a mutinous look, while she peered at him curiously.
“You know what?” she prompted.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said, stuffing his hands into his pocket.
“Fine.” Rose leaned forward. “Tell me this instead - who were you jealous of?”
The Doctor hesitated. Rose raised an eyebrow and he scowled.
“What do you want to hear?” he asked. “Because it doesn’t matter either way.”
“It matters to me. Which one?”
“Either of you. Both of you. Take your pick.”
Rose blinked.
“What, both of us?”
“That’s what I said, wasn’t it?” he snapped, and turned to look out the window.
Rose peered thoughtfully at him.
“Well,” she said. “Why not?”
“What d’you mean, why not?” the Doctor growled.
“Why can’t you have both of us? Oh don’t look at me like that,” she snapped, when the Doctor turned to stare at her. “I might be a twenty-first century shop girl, but I’m not thick enough to think normal rules apply to you, or anyone with you. Besides, Jack said…”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” the Doctor rolled his eyes. “I can give you reasons upon reasons, Rose. Just trust me, it’s not a good idea.”
“I think it’s a very good idea,” Rose said, standing. “I bet Jack would too. He never looks at anyone else the way he looks at us.”
“There’s the age gap, for one - ”
“Having younger lovers is fashionable nowadays. Look at Joan Collins.”
“I’m an alien.”
“You look human enough to me. I’m pretty sure you’ve got all the bits that matter.”
“Rose…”
“Doctor, I don’t care,” she told him firmly, moving to stand by him. “I think it’s a good idea. I want it to happen.”
“Well I don’t,” the Doctor said mutinously.
“Liar.” Rose reached up to smooth out the collar of his jacket idly. “I’ve seen you looking. And you’ve said things…And now you’ve admitted it…”
“I haven’t admitted anything - mmph!”
Rose shifted her grip on his collar and tugged him down for a kiss, inelegant and unromantic, but enough to put her point across. He pulled her to him and kissed back forcefully.
When they broke apart, Rose grinned up at him, face flushed.
“Well,” she said happily, fiddling with his jacket again. “That was easy enough. Now we’ve just got to convince Jack.”
The Doctor was about to respond, but he caught a movement out the window. Turning to look properly, he spotted Jack, eyes fixed on them from the ground, an expression on his face that was pained. He turned to go, but the Doctor flung the window open.
“Jack!” he bellowed. “Jack!”
Jack turned, making as if he’d only just seen them.
“Oh hey, Doc!” he called, flashing a grin that was fake even from two stories below. “I was just looking for you. I don’t suppose you’ve got Rose in there with you?”
His tone was light and false, and Rose winced at the Doctor. He didn’t react to her though.
“Jack, we’re stuck! Someone’s locked us in here!”
“What about the screwdriver?” Jack frowned.
“It’s not working! I think there’s something on the other side!” He grinned down at Jack, who for once didn’t match it. “Going to come rescue us, Captain? I’m not going to play Damsel in Distress, but I think Rose might if you ask nicely.”
“She wasn’t looking too distressed,” Jack called, and before the Doctor could respond, he slipped back into the house to come get them.
------
Fandom: Doctor Who/Jeeves and Wooster crossover
Rating: PG
Summary: Following a signal, the trio find themselves in the quaint time of Jeeves and Wooster. Unfortunately, getting their hands on what they're after isn't as easy as they might expect. Eventual 9/Rose/Jack
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Rose was sitting in the upstairs drawing room when the Doctor walked in and grinned at her, the door swinging shut behind him.
“Well?” he asked.
Rose frowned at him.
“Well what?” she replied.
He frowned back.
“I thought you wanted to talk to me about something? I assumed you’d gotten some information out of the harridan downstairs.”
“I was told you wanted to talk to me,” Rose said, standing. “Bertie told me.”
The Doctor turned abruptly and began tugging at the door handle.
“Ohohoho!” he said, fumbling for his sonic screwdriver and turning it on the lock. “What does he think he’s trying to pull?”
“You think he planned this?” Rose asked, moving beside him to watch. The Doctor pushed at the door again, but still it wouldn’t open.
“Him? Hah! He’s even more stupid than the average human. He’s involved somehow though,” he grunted as he rammed his shoulder against the door. Nothing happened.
That was because on the other side of the door was a rather large bookcase and a sofa, which Jeeves, Bertie and Claude and Eustace - who were thrilled to be involved in the mischief - had moved in front of it. Mainly because Jeeves, through all his wiles and cunning, had been unable to locate the key, as it had accidentally been dropped down the drain a few months ago and as yet a new one had not been cut.
“Give Jack a ring,” the Doctor said, finally giving up on the door. He was staring out the window, weighing up the odds of climbing down. As there were no handy drainpipes nearby, and he was in fact faced with a two-storey drop, the inarguable answer was ‘Not bleeding likely, mate’.
“Haven’t got my phone,” Rose said. “Wouldn’t be able to use it most of the time here, so I left it in my room.”
The Doctor snorted and slouched over to join her on the couch, the back of which was far too upright for him to slump comfortably on, but he wasn’t about to let that stop him.
“What will people say when they find out we spent the afternoon locked in a room together,” Rose sighed melodramatically. “Think of the scandal! You do realise, Doctor, that you’ll have to marry me in order to save my virtue.”
“You’re already engaged,” the Doctor pointed out.
“I’m having an affair and I’m not even married.” Rose clucked her tongue. “What kind of slapper am I?”
-----
“Truth or dare?” Rose asked after about an hour or so, because, really, there wasn’t anything else to do. “And you’re not allowed to choose dare.”
“Then why don’t you just say ‘truth’?” the Doctor asked irritably, standing at the window again, watching as people bustled about on the lawn - too far away to hear any shouts, he’d considered the possibility thoroughly - setting up the marquee for Angela’s birthday party.
“Because it’s not just truth, it’s Truth or Dare.” Rose craned her neck, trying to catch sight of the Doctor from where she was lying, sprawled on the sofa like a lady having an attack of the vapours. “You just can’t choose dare.”
The Doctor rolled his eyes at a passing pigeon.
“Fine. Truth.”
“What’s your…favourite kind of sweet?”
“Jelly babies,” the Doctor said, without hesitation.
Rose propped herself up on her elbows and stared at him.
“Jelly babies?” she repeated. “Really?”
The Doctor glanced back at her and raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, really,” he said. “Why?”
“Just…I dunno…” She lay back down again. “Alright. Who do you think’s prettier, Keira Knightly or Charlotte Church?”
“Aren’t I supposed to ask now?”
“No,” Rose told him. “Answer the question.”
“Neither.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the truth.”
“You’ve got to think one’s prettier,” Rose said.
“Why do you want to know?” the Doctor asked, turning to face her and folding his arms.
“Why were you so upset when you thought I’d run off with Bingo?” Rose sat up, raising her eyebrows challengingly at him.
“Why are you bothered?”
“Why were you so upset when Jack kissed me?”
His mouth twitched slightly. Rose tilted her head to the side, waiting for an answer.
“I wasn’t upset,” he lied blithely.
“Yes you were,” she said. “You did that whole ‘jealous boyfriend’ thing that you always do.”
“I did not!”
“You did. You looked like you were about to thump him.”
“And you think it’s because he kissed you? Think highly of yourself, don’t you?”
The barb fell short.
“You always get like that,” she continued. “’Specially when Jack first came along. Then you got better.”
“That’s ‘cause he started behaving himself.”
“Liar,” Rose accused. “Jack didn’t change his behaviour at all. You just got used to him. You were jealous of one of us, Doctor. Which one?”
“What my companions choose to do is none of my business,” the Doctor told her shortly. “As long as I don’t have to deal with any of your messy human break-ups when it all goes sideways, I don’t care.”
“Bollocks don’t you!” Rose cried. “If that was true, you wouldn’t have cared that I’d gone off with Bingo, or about Mickey, or Adam! And what about Jack? I saw you giving the evils to that woman on Colmore! And that bloke back on Mars!”
“Why do you suddenly care about all this now?” the Doctor demanded.
“When else am I gonna have you stuck in one place long enough to ask you?” Rose shot back.
“I’ve given you an answer,” the Doctor snapped. “If you don’t like it, that’s not my problem.”
“It will be your problem, because I’m not letting go of this until you tell the truth!”
“That’s typical of you humans, isn’t it? If you hear something you don’t like then obviously it’s not true,” he sneered. “Guess what, that’s not the way it works. I give you an answer and that’s it, final. No ‘you’re in denial’, or whatever. The answer is very simple, but I’ll say it slowly, so you can understand. I don’t care!”
Rose scowled at him and he turned to stare out the window again.
-----
Claude and Eustace were sitting hunched over a table, talking in quite, conspiratorial voices and grinning wickedly. Jack paused to appreciate the view from a distance for a moment, before sauntering over to them.
“Hey,” he said cheerfully. “What’s going on?”
Claude looked up at him, and his grin widened.
“Hallo! You’re looking a little lonely,” he said, and Eustace didn’t quite succeed in turning a laugh into a cough.
“Mm,” Jack agreed, eyeing them suspiciously, raising his eyebrow. “Yeah. You haven’t seen the Doctor or Rose about, have you?”
“No,” Eustace said, with an expression far too innocent to be real. “Have you checked their rooms?”
“Yes…” Jack said slowly. “What’re you guys up to?”
“Oh, nothing.” Claude covered the paper with his arm and smiled up at Jack. “Just a little thing to pass the time.”
“Have you tried down by the lake?” Eustace said. “They might’ve gone down there.”
“I’ll have a look.” Jack glanced down at the paper again, then flashed the twins a smile. “Thanks.”
-----
Being stuck in the drawing room was a good deal more boring when Rose wasn’t talking to him, the Doctor discovered very quickly. He was, however, too stubborn to try to do anything to correct this situation, since it was her fault he’d snapped at her anyway.
She let out another heartfelt sigh - the third one in the last five minutes - and his patience snapped.
“Will you stop that?”
“I thought you didn’t care what I did,” Rose said lightly, inspecting her fingernails. “Which is, y’know, fine, since I only left my entire life behind to come travelling with you. My mum, and my boyfriend. And, yeah, you’d blown my job up, but I could’ve done A-Levels…And, y’know, you only put my life in mortal danger every other day, but of course, it doesn’t matter about all that, because you don’t care anyway, so it’s not a big deal.”
“Oh leave off it,” the Doctor muttered, turning back to squint at the people way down the lawns.
“Why should I? You don’t care, after all - ”
“I do care!” the Doctor exploded, whirling on her. “Alright?! I care! Is that what you want to hear? About you and Jack and the pair of you drive me crazy, but I know - ”
He cut himself off and shot Rose a mutinous look, while she peered at him curiously.
“You know what?” she prompted.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said, stuffing his hands into his pocket.
“Fine.” Rose leaned forward. “Tell me this instead - who were you jealous of?”
The Doctor hesitated. Rose raised an eyebrow and he scowled.
“What do you want to hear?” he asked. “Because it doesn’t matter either way.”
“It matters to me. Which one?”
“Either of you. Both of you. Take your pick.”
Rose blinked.
“What, both of us?”
“That’s what I said, wasn’t it?” he snapped, and turned to look out the window.
Rose peered thoughtfully at him.
“Well,” she said. “Why not?”
“What d’you mean, why not?” the Doctor growled.
“Why can’t you have both of us? Oh don’t look at me like that,” she snapped, when the Doctor turned to stare at her. “I might be a twenty-first century shop girl, but I’m not thick enough to think normal rules apply to you, or anyone with you. Besides, Jack said…”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” the Doctor rolled his eyes. “I can give you reasons upon reasons, Rose. Just trust me, it’s not a good idea.”
“I think it’s a very good idea,” Rose said, standing. “I bet Jack would too. He never looks at anyone else the way he looks at us.”
“There’s the age gap, for one - ”
“Having younger lovers is fashionable nowadays. Look at Joan Collins.”
“I’m an alien.”
“You look human enough to me. I’m pretty sure you’ve got all the bits that matter.”
“Rose…”
“Doctor, I don’t care,” she told him firmly, moving to stand by him. “I think it’s a good idea. I want it to happen.”
“Well I don’t,” the Doctor said mutinously.
“Liar.” Rose reached up to smooth out the collar of his jacket idly. “I’ve seen you looking. And you’ve said things…And now you’ve admitted it…”
“I haven’t admitted anything - mmph!”
Rose shifted her grip on his collar and tugged him down for a kiss, inelegant and unromantic, but enough to put her point across. He pulled her to him and kissed back forcefully.
When they broke apart, Rose grinned up at him, face flushed.
“Well,” she said happily, fiddling with his jacket again. “That was easy enough. Now we’ve just got to convince Jack.”
The Doctor was about to respond, but he caught a movement out the window. Turning to look properly, he spotted Jack, eyes fixed on them from the ground, an expression on his face that was pained. He turned to go, but the Doctor flung the window open.
“Jack!” he bellowed. “Jack!”
Jack turned, making as if he’d only just seen them.
“Oh hey, Doc!” he called, flashing a grin that was fake even from two stories below. “I was just looking for you. I don’t suppose you’ve got Rose in there with you?”
His tone was light and false, and Rose winced at the Doctor. He didn’t react to her though.
“Jack, we’re stuck! Someone’s locked us in here!”
“What about the screwdriver?” Jack frowned.
“It’s not working! I think there’s something on the other side!” He grinned down at Jack, who for once didn’t match it. “Going to come rescue us, Captain? I’m not going to play Damsel in Distress, but I think Rose might if you ask nicely.”
“She wasn’t looking too distressed,” Jack called, and before the Doctor could respond, he slipped back into the house to come get them.
------