I dunno if I'm just getting old & lazy or what, but now that the day is actually here I don't really want to go to Projektfest. It's hot, I'm tired, and even though I already have the ticket I don't much relish the thought of standing around by myself in a theater for 5+ hours, even if the music is good. Going to a general admission, non-seated venue alone is uncomfortable at best, horribly depressing at worst. Also, makes one feel rather as though one was trapped in a Smiths song o_O
I think the crux of the problem is that after the last three days of jury duty, I've had just about all of the social interaction with strangers I can possibly stand for the moment. Fact is, not including work (which is full of people I am at least familiar with, even if I don't particularly like most of them), I spend most of my time on my own. I've always been that way, and really I'm fine with it. I go to live shows by myself all the time, and it usually isn't an issue. Even with friends I'm especially close to I don't do a whole lot of 'hanging out'. But being stuck in a room with a dozen people I don't know for three days, and being forced to make pleasant conversation with them all that time because there was literally nothing else for us to do, turned out to be a hideous physical and emotional drain on me, as evidenced by my complete and utter exhaustion upon returning home each of those days. I know I'm socially maladjusted, but there it is. (BTW, thankfully that mess is OVER; they settled the case without us ever entering to courtroom.)
So anyway, sitting here just thinking about making myself get up and shower, dress, etc., all the things I would have to do to get ready to go back out again, the only response my brain is giving me is, "No. No. Really? No." I feel as though if I did force myself to go out there's a very good chance I would have a panic attack (I already have that tight feeling in my chest & throat that is usually the precursor to one). What I most want to do is make a pot of one of the new teas I got at
Tea Leaf, Inc. at Reading Terminal Market this afternoon (Earl Grey, Earl Grey w/Blue Mallow, Rose, & Ginger Peach--which to try first?!), put on some DVDs, and work one of my sewing projects.
So....yes. Although I have been looking forward to this concert, and I HATE wasting that stupid $12.50 on the ticket (not that it's a terribly large amount of money, but I am loathe to waste money pointlessly under any circumstances), I know from experience that forcing myself to go to a show when my heart isn't in it NEVER ends well. Hopefully giving myself a break will recover my spirits enough for me to be able to enjoy the Arcade Fire show on Sunday with the enthusiasm I normally have for live music.