"Pink List" Slight - The Irony Is Lost
One of the blogs I regularly read from a British Comedian/Writer/ Journalist/Film Director/Television Presenter went off on a bit of a bunny trail as recently as this morning regarding his inclusion in the “Pink List,” a list of notable British gay icons published in the Independent on Sunday. It appears he and many of his colleagues were miffed by the statements made at the end of the list regarding Louie Spence, who made the list, but was very low down as a result of “perpetuating the stereotype.” It seems the affront was in the fact that the men making the top of the list were those Gay members who met the criteria of appearing to be “real men” and not those who are openly effeminate. “If only we could all disport ourselves like Gareth the straights won’t hate us whereas if we all carry on like Louie….ach, how quickly these cowardly, self-oppressed, social-climbing McCarthyites forget where they come from.”
Since I am straight, I do not fully understand the gay plight. I do understand it on an intellectual level, and because I have close friends and relatives that are gay I can empathize with a lot of their feelings and issues. But I have struggled with the ongoing in-your-face elicitation of gay pride. I’ve never really felt the need to wear a t-shirt proclaiming “I like sex with the opposite sex.” I’ve never faced the challenge of justifying my heterosexual existence or defending my sexuality. Then again, I’ve also never understood the prejudice directed toward the gay community. I’m more than a little naïve and sheltered, I guess.
It’s much like the civil rights movement for black America. I know the history; I’m well aware of the roots of slavery, followed by the continued bondage of separation - the prevalent overt and sometimes furtive prejudice they have faced. But, I have not really experienced it. It is history and not current events. In my life, and in my area, there just simply has not been an issue of equal rights and opportunity for everyone…and yet, the attitudes within the black community remain.
The evolved behaviors resulting from the necessary confrontational attitudes in the past continue today. Unfortunately, these attitudes that helped create change and encouraged mainstream acceptance in the past are now hurting the cause for the future…and yet, the attitudes are not only cemented in the culture, but they are exponentially emboldened. Can you see what’s happening? A vicious cycle of prejudice, fight, rights, acceptance and back to prejudice is being created.
The Onion stated it very well after the 2001 Gay Pride parade in Los Angeles.
“After centuries of oppression as an ‘invisible’ segment of society, gays, emboldened by the 1969 Stonewall uprising, took to the streets in the early ’70s with an ‘in-your-face’ attitude. Confronting the worst prejudices of a world that didn’t accept them, they fought back against these prejudices with exaggeration and parody, reclaiming their enemies’ worst stereotypes about them and turning them into symbols of gay pride,” Thorne said. “Thirty years later, gays have won far greater acceptance in the world at large, but they keep doing this stuff anyway.”
“Mostly, I think, because it’s really fun,” Thorne added.
Really? Very Interesting.
The gay rights agenda often approaches the stereotype with irony and inflates it with the purpose of exploding it. With this new hyperbolic vision of homosexuality, they claim their identity as part of humanity, deserving of acceptance, respect, and yes, equal rights. Herein is the problem. The straight community does not understand the irony or the parody. I’m not just talking about the radicals who have shamed and judged the homosexual community. They are a breed of their own. I’m talking about the generally tolerant and accepting straight community. They often don’t understand, either. Why? It is because they are straight. They haven’t experienced the injustice, cruelty, and exclusion. But, let’s be fair. Would some of the behaviors be acceptable to the homosexual community if it were reversed?
One of my gay friends recently went on about how one of his male co-workers was frequently talking about sex with his girlfriend. He found it quite frustrating and decided he would begin talking about sex with his partner. “If he can talk about his girlfriend’s v-jay, I can talk about my partner’s schlung.” Well, yes. In all fairness, you should…except for the sexual harassment and hostile work environment rules state that v-jays and schlungs shouldn’t be talked about in the work place at all. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and all that. Why not deal with the real issue - the inappropriate behavior - rather than battling with an equally inappropriate behavior of the opposite polarity?
Hmmm…and this is just conversation. What has been witnessed at some of the pride parades: lesbians handing out clitoris shaped lollipops, drag queens holding penis-shaped beers, gays performing humping motions & oral simulations on same-sex mannequins. If we had a straight pride parade and women handed out penis lollipops while men drank from vulva shaped cups, we would be called whores and derelicts from many within the heterosexual community, sinners and reprobates from the religious community, and disgusting low-life miscreants by most homosexuals. It would be offensive to endure. I’ve even had some of my homosexual friends “gross-out” at the discussion of opposite sex intercourse and details. Why? Mainly because exaggerating sexuality to such hyperbolic distortions is generally distasteful and brings out the worst in most people.
So, perhaps Louie Spence may flaunt the flames a bit - probably for fun in the beginning, but after a time it becomes part of his identity - and it is becoming more of a turn-off for mainstream society than a cry and/or demand for acceptance. The blogger suggested “They should remember that in evincing a distaste for effeminacy they’re simply making an exhibition of their own misogyny.” That may be a little harsh.
When you get right down to it, people in general don’t “get” irony when it’s something we haven’t experienced or understood on the basic level in the first place. Therefore, it becomes offensive and disturbing, creating a desire for fight or flight. Prejudices are fostered and nurtured in these situations.
As a result of this ongoing failure to co-operate, live and work well together, the little slights become enlarged, such as the heteronormative definitions of masculinity and the gay community’s ostracizing on the basis of these ideas. This “Pink List” discourse is an example.
The fact is a few of the best men I know - “real” men in the best sense - are quite effeminate. And, some of the women I most admire are quite masculine. It is indeed a slight when someone’s best qualities are overlooked because they do not act gender normative. It perhaps is an even greater slight that we have become our own worst enemies in our quest for acceptance in our communal individuality.