calling all angels...
sooo i'm a wee bit better... actually a ton better. i had one of the best conversations with jimmy the other day about how my priorities were so out of order and how i feel like i 've lost touch with myself- and we were talking about some things that were getting to him too- and lots about school next year. it was just nice sitting on bench with him and no one really around. i went to school yesterday for a really short period of time and felt totally crappy- i felt like bursting into tears over everything-- like that social justice test- it was about poor people and the thought of such poverty made me cry... so i came home and laid in bed listening to the rain falling and just generally thought about my life and what i really want right now and what i need and what i should do about things. i came to this decision after many tears and ridiculous things...
i just need to have fun right now. i'm not letting myself get romantic about anything for at least 3 months because i need to get romantic with myself-- i need to fall back in love with me before i can love someone else. so how am i going to heal these open festering wounds i have right now? first things first- justin... i figure i'm going up to sara's saturday anyway since i miss her like crazy- so i am gonna talk to her about it- get her input... and maybe just stop by his house and say that i'm sorry if i hurt him in anything that i said... say that i hate not being friends with him because when it comes down to it- thats what matters is just being with him- it doesnt matter if it isnt as more than friends. and say that he can talk about casandra (in your face world--- i did talk to him about herenough to get her name.. i finalyl remembered it) all he wants because i just want to be there for him- i want to be the best friend i can be and hope that he can do the same for me. second thigns second: i'm going to stop giving into sickness-- when it gets sooo terrible, i will go home, but if it is only mild, i'm living my life. third things third: i'm going to listen to jp more about not taking things personally and not being offended by everything.
and maybe i'll go see ginny tomorrow and shelby too- cause they are such good gals.
on another note: justin gave me nathans screen name and its bugging me as to why he did it- how akward if i IMed him... its not consuing my thoughts but i just thought of it and thought i'd write.
i'm in a generally better mood than yesterday which is sooo good cause i was in such a funk. i'm so tired though so i guess i'm gonna go to bed soonish...
i just need to have fun right now. i'm not letting myself get romantic about anything for at least 3 months because i need to get romantic with myself-- i need to fall back in love with me before i can love someone else. so how am i going to heal these open festering wounds i have right now? first things first- justin... i figure i'm going up to sara's saturday anyway since i miss her like crazy- so i am gonna talk to her about it- get her input... and maybe just stop by his house and say that i'm sorry if i hurt him in anything that i said... say that i hate not being friends with him because when it comes down to it- thats what matters is just being with him- it doesnt matter if it isnt as more than friends. and say that he can talk about casandra (in your face world--- i did talk to him about herenough to get her name.. i finalyl remembered it) all he wants because i just want to be there for him- i want to be the best friend i can be and hope that he can do the same for me. second thigns second: i'm going to stop giving into sickness-- when it gets sooo terrible, i will go home, but if it is only mild, i'm living my life. third things third: i'm going to listen to jp more about not taking things personally and not being offended by everything.
and maybe i'll go see ginny tomorrow and shelby too- cause they are such good gals.
on another note: justin gave me nathans screen name and its bugging me as to why he did it- how akward if i IMed him... its not consuing my thoughts but i just thought of it and thought i'd write.
i'm in a generally better mood than yesterday which is sooo good cause i was in such a funk. i'm so tired though so i guess i'm gonna go to bed soonish...