(no subject)
so yeah i am work right now myspacing, LJing, and facebooking..lol. today i've been pretty melancholy. i was awoken by cries at 5 in teh morning. it was my mom leaving for the hospital scared of her operation. she is getting the temporary cathater taken out and they are putting a permenent one in her arm. it's a pretty detailed surgery because they inset a tube into your ams and work with teh veins and arteries quite a lot. she's scared shitless but it's much safer than what she has now.
when he left i couldn;t sleep. i cried for about an hour reflecting on everything that has happened these past 12 months. it was one year ago today that we had to take her to the hospital and we found out she had all these problems. it was one year ago today that our life changed. it's funny though, because people may see me with a smile on my face yet they may not have a clue of the shit me and my family are going through. i don;t even want to go into detail because honestly there would just be too much to say. i guess you have to be in my shoes to realize all the ups and downs that have happened since last year. i never expected for my mom to become this sick. at teh same time i feel selfish because i know that there are people with worst scenarios out there. i just wish that she wouldn;t have to go through this pain anymore. i wish my dad wouldn;t be so stressed out. i wish it would BE me instead of her.
on a positive side though, she is doing much better with teh dialysis. there are always rainy days though but she somehow gets herself back up. her life is pretty rocky because u never know when ur going to have a good day or not. reagrdless though, in a way, i thank god for thsi past year. it has brought me and my parents so much closer. i have this new found respect for them. i see them soo much stronger. as corny as it sounds, they've become my heroes. i look at how no matter what cards they've been delt, they continue playing the game. i look at the love that theyhave for eachother and realize that these two people were definitely meant to be. when i find someone, i want it to be the kind of relationship they have.
apart from that, i myself, feel that i have grown as a person. thsi past year has made me realize that i am a lot stronger than what i thought i was. i never thought that i would have to face these battles in my life. from family, to personaly stuff, to becoming more thankful for life, i have changed. i guess you can say that from a bad always comes out a good.
when he left i couldn;t sleep. i cried for about an hour reflecting on everything that has happened these past 12 months. it was one year ago today that we had to take her to the hospital and we found out she had all these problems. it was one year ago today that our life changed. it's funny though, because people may see me with a smile on my face yet they may not have a clue of the shit me and my family are going through. i don;t even want to go into detail because honestly there would just be too much to say. i guess you have to be in my shoes to realize all the ups and downs that have happened since last year. i never expected for my mom to become this sick. at teh same time i feel selfish because i know that there are people with worst scenarios out there. i just wish that she wouldn;t have to go through this pain anymore. i wish my dad wouldn;t be so stressed out. i wish it would BE me instead of her.
on a positive side though, she is doing much better with teh dialysis. there are always rainy days though but she somehow gets herself back up. her life is pretty rocky because u never know when ur going to have a good day or not. reagrdless though, in a way, i thank god for thsi past year. it has brought me and my parents so much closer. i have this new found respect for them. i see them soo much stronger. as corny as it sounds, they've become my heroes. i look at how no matter what cards they've been delt, they continue playing the game. i look at the love that theyhave for eachother and realize that these two people were definitely meant to be. when i find someone, i want it to be the kind of relationship they have.
apart from that, i myself, feel that i have grown as a person. thsi past year has made me realize that i am a lot stronger than what i thought i was. i never thought that i would have to face these battles in my life. from family, to personaly stuff, to becoming more thankful for life, i have changed. i guess you can say that from a bad always comes out a good.