(no subject)
I am completly lost and confused right now. My boyfriend has emotionaly drained me and i am trying SOOOO hard to make it work but i dont know how much longer i can do this. There are rumors going around that he is dating me, his ex, and some other girl. There are rumors that he is just using me. and i dont know what to believe. He broke his trust with me because he breaks every promise he ever makes with me. Plus i only hear from MAYBE once a week if i leave him alone and let him call me. Then he is always out with his friends and never has time for me. we havent even gone on a REAL date since we got together. he says its just because its summer...i dont think thats an excuse. he wants me to wait for school to start back up. I dont know what to do. all my friends tell me to leave him but there is this emotional attachment that i am afraid to lose. I gave him something that he never should have gotten and i cant get it back. im so tired and all i want to do is know what to do and be able to do it. but he knows my weak spots and will pull them on me if i try to end anything. the first and only time we.....it was completly pressured and i regret it soooo much. plus it was probably the worst experience of my life! he still pressures me to do stuff and im losing strength to keep telling him "NO"! what do i do? do i stay with him or leave him? it hurts so bad but if i end it i know i am not secure enough to be on my own and i dont know what to do about that? im afraid to be alone. i am afraid to not have a guy to fall back on. God are you listening?!?!?! why are you leaving me when i need you the most?!?! what kind of God are you? pff.....