Life goes on....
As April approaches I am obliged to think of a few influential people in my life. Most of them aren't in it anymore, but their presence was profound whether negative or positive.
My friend Dianna, who passed away last year, was born on April 1st(a fact I teased her for relentlessly:) ). I think about how she made life more interesting for me when she was alive. I'd run to her house after school for a safe haven. We were strange to some people, our humor was dark, but we got each other. If you don't have someone who gets you, you feel really alone. She made me a stronger person. She made me see things differently from what was being forcefed to me by everyone else. In her death she affected me even more profoundly. It took my breath away and my heart ached. I was jolted out of my self-pity and loathing. I had only weeks earlier attempted to take away what she fought so hard to have. I dare say she would've loved the second chance that I was granted. Why did things end up the way they did? I dunno. But it grounded me and made me start the long climb back up. People say time heals all wounds and that you move on. Sure, life does go on but it's different. It doesn't stop hurting it's intensity just lessens. I'm here to tell you that you never forget. You will remember someone everyday who died, but you only thought about them once a week when they were living. I am only the person I am today because she waltzed through my life.
There was an ex of mine who's birthday was also in April. He was in my life for quite sometime though I'm not really sure in what capacity. He was there and then sometimes he wasn't. There were bad things about him and he didn't really treat me the way I deserved to be treated but he did some good things for me. He was the first guy to give me my self-esteem back. To this day I haven't dated anyone who made me feel more sexy or secure about my body. Lies or not it really helped. ;) And God bless latino lovers because for the first time I felt like sex wasn't a hassle. It was a good experience. On the negative, I was young and did what all young girls do and make it into something it's not. It wasn't what I pretended, but when it was really over it hurt like hell. I was completely infatuated, and had crazy chemistry with him and I just missed him. Two years later I still do. Not all the time. But some nights when I stay up and can't get to sleep, like tonight, I think of how easy it was to sleep next to him. Life goes on, indeed, but it's not on the same level. It's different than it was when these people walked into it and even more so after they were gone from it. Every experience and every person that enters your life becomes a piece of you. You constantly grow into something new with each added piece. But everytime you lose that piece you're left with a hole. A hole that is never filled because no one else is shaped to fill the spot. They can help you look past what was lost but that space will always be a reminder of the mark that someone left on you.
My friend Dianna, who passed away last year, was born on April 1st(a fact I teased her for relentlessly:) ). I think about how she made life more interesting for me when she was alive. I'd run to her house after school for a safe haven. We were strange to some people, our humor was dark, but we got each other. If you don't have someone who gets you, you feel really alone. She made me a stronger person. She made me see things differently from what was being forcefed to me by everyone else. In her death she affected me even more profoundly. It took my breath away and my heart ached. I was jolted out of my self-pity and loathing. I had only weeks earlier attempted to take away what she fought so hard to have. I dare say she would've loved the second chance that I was granted. Why did things end up the way they did? I dunno. But it grounded me and made me start the long climb back up. People say time heals all wounds and that you move on. Sure, life does go on but it's different. It doesn't stop hurting it's intensity just lessens. I'm here to tell you that you never forget. You will remember someone everyday who died, but you only thought about them once a week when they were living. I am only the person I am today because she waltzed through my life.
There was an ex of mine who's birthday was also in April. He was in my life for quite sometime though I'm not really sure in what capacity. He was there and then sometimes he wasn't. There were bad things about him and he didn't really treat me the way I deserved to be treated but he did some good things for me. He was the first guy to give me my self-esteem back. To this day I haven't dated anyone who made me feel more sexy or secure about my body. Lies or not it really helped. ;) And God bless latino lovers because for the first time I felt like sex wasn't a hassle. It was a good experience. On the negative, I was young and did what all young girls do and make it into something it's not. It wasn't what I pretended, but when it was really over it hurt like hell. I was completely infatuated, and had crazy chemistry with him and I just missed him. Two years later I still do. Not all the time. But some nights when I stay up and can't get to sleep, like tonight, I think of how easy it was to sleep next to him. Life goes on, indeed, but it's not on the same level. It's different than it was when these people walked into it and even more so after they were gone from it. Every experience and every person that enters your life becomes a piece of you. You constantly grow into something new with each added piece. But everytime you lose that piece you're left with a hole. A hole that is never filled because no one else is shaped to fill the spot. They can help you look past what was lost but that space will always be a reminder of the mark that someone left on you.