(no subject)
so whooooooose failing out of college!?!?!? that's right, i am!!!!! well...i dont really think i am but i might as well be. i think i need a therapist, which would work out i guess since i want to be one and isn't that the standing joke anyways? every therapist needs a therapist? so maybe i'll just get a jump start. I hate life, i hate school...i am le done with it all. Maybe this break will be good for me, i might have to go on a road trip. like if i get a weekend off i think I'll get in my car and just drive anywhere...if my car works because it doesn't, and if i can walk because both my ankles hurt, and if i have any kind of intelligence and memory left since this semester has sucked me dry. Ohhhh grad school....how i wish you were not looming over me shaking your big red marker fingers in my face and judging me at every turn, invading my dreams so that i wonder why i even thought it was worth it to go to college....*le sigh*. At least i have Leni and Eric, and matt calls....sad isn't it? I used to be so busy with a slew of friends and now everyone just assumes im too busy and brush me off and there i go...no more life. but at least i still have the people i love and without them i would be absolutely destroyed, even more so than i already am. What happened to me? where did i go to...i want the jesse back who was happy, who could give hugs and who enjoyed life, i want the old me back who saw something in the sky every day and always found a reason to smile. i know im still in there somewhere i am just so lost and i dont know where to turn. But somehow i will find a way, because thats just what i do. i find my own way, alone. as always. well...not completely alone...but alone in the way that hurts.