Aug 22, 2005 09:06
Josh and i talked about college yesterday. So the only thing keeping us from being together is him. He dosn't want to not do what he wants to do because of me and he dosn't want me to not to what i want to do because of him. But like i said before, i don't care what i have to give up. I can still do theater and be at his side...that's what's going to make me happy. After the conversation we had, which included him trying to tell me i would find someone to love again if we ever broke up which we probably would, i felt completely hopeless...and this morning i wondered if he really loved me, because how could he event suggest the idea of me being with someone else i mean i can't even think about him being with some other girl. So just now i realized...why shouldn't i keep trying, i can go to night school at dvc and get rid of all my Ds and try to go to college near him or the same one or something, he dosn't have to do anything just me. I mean it's worth a try, and if it dosn't work at least i'll feel better knowing i tried. If we get seperated...one day i'll find him again, i'll see him again i know it. No matter what happens to either of us in between...but he might really fall for someone else, and that would really suck. That's my worst fear, one day i'll find him again and still love him ofcourse (cause i always will) and he'll have fallen in love with someone else, and he wouldn't leave her for me. He loves me now, but i know i love him more than he loves me, and i'll love him forever... but i think he might one day not love me...if that happend though, that means to me that he never truely loved me in the first place. It's makes my heart break to think about it...but at the moment there's still a chance we will be together and he does really love me and always will...so i'm gonna gamble on that chance.
my b day is this coming weekend...i'm not happy about it, its just means i'm closer to the beginning of the end UHHGGGGG