Freak Out
I... am so incredibly socially awkward.
This morning i ran over a stick and it got jammed in my car's gear box. I didn't have much choice in the matter, it was either hit the stick or hit a car... i chose the stick.
Unfortunately, once i'd managed to get the stick out of the gears... my car wouldn't start.
I called NRMA and a mechanic came out to fix the problem. It turned out to be a flat battery... if you can believe it. Don't ask me how that happened, it made no sense to me.
Anyway, the mechanic (a guy called Matt) replaced the battery no troubles and we chatted as he worked. Now... i'm good at that kind of thing, i can chat to shopkeepers and clients that come in to work and things like that. Maybe it's because no matter what the setting is... it's sort of official. Road side assistance or not, the guy is still working you know?
So what's the problem? Well... i enjoyed chatting with him and we joked a bit but as soon as i drove away i'd basically put him from my mind... mean perhaps, but i had other things i needed to think about.
So... imagine my surprise when my phone went off a moment ago and there's a message from him telling me to let him know if i'm ever keen for a drink as i seemed really cool.
Cue immediate freak out.
I'm 22 years old, i've never been kissed, never had a 'real' boyfriend. The only date i have ever been on... was a double date and i was still freaking out. Ok... see... he didn't come out and say he's 'interested' and we never spoke about whether i was single or not... and...
See... i'm panicking and nothing has even HAPPENED!
I spend my life on the internet and completely freak out in social setting... i'm just... i don't know how to act! I'm the girl who's happy to laugh and be sociable with one or two close friends but clams up as soon as the group grows. I'll sit there in silence and speak when spoken to and not try to take the stage if you get me.
I guess i just don't do well in groups and i'm VERY awkward when it comes to guys because i just... don't know what to say. I suppose it doesn't help that i never had boyfriend's in school who i could practice socialising with.
I had a couple of guy friends but they were guys who i would never date you know? As soon as a guy showed interest in me i was heading for the hills! Talk about total freak out!
ARGH listen to me rambling! I've got butterflies and i've got fight or flight going on! This is ridiculous, i'm not outgoing enough for this! I just got through detailing all the reasons i'm happy being single and don't NEED someone!!!
Whether it was true or not... well... i don't THINK i need someone... but everyone seems to think i do... argh now i'm in freak out mode!
Right... breathe...in...out...in...out...in...out...
I'm going to Europe in September, on a tour... by myself. I'm nervous about meeting new people but i'm sure there are others just as nervous as i am. That's fine, i'm actually more nervous about the official stuff in the airport and the flight then i am about meeting the others on the tour.
This is me proving i don't need someone with me to have fun... while seeing places i want to see. I've... never been one of those girls who needs a guy there to be happy. I have friends like that and they both have gone through a lot of miserable times because of it. I'm... quite honestly... more likely to bury myself in fantasy then worry about whether or not i have a boyfriend.
I feel like i'm trying to justify myself. Just shows how odd i am huh? OK... i've calmed down some...
Right... what the hell do i do?
This morning i ran over a stick and it got jammed in my car's gear box. I didn't have much choice in the matter, it was either hit the stick or hit a car... i chose the stick.
Unfortunately, once i'd managed to get the stick out of the gears... my car wouldn't start.
I called NRMA and a mechanic came out to fix the problem. It turned out to be a flat battery... if you can believe it. Don't ask me how that happened, it made no sense to me.
Anyway, the mechanic (a guy called Matt) replaced the battery no troubles and we chatted as he worked. Now... i'm good at that kind of thing, i can chat to shopkeepers and clients that come in to work and things like that. Maybe it's because no matter what the setting is... it's sort of official. Road side assistance or not, the guy is still working you know?
So what's the problem? Well... i enjoyed chatting with him and we joked a bit but as soon as i drove away i'd basically put him from my mind... mean perhaps, but i had other things i needed to think about.
So... imagine my surprise when my phone went off a moment ago and there's a message from him telling me to let him know if i'm ever keen for a drink as i seemed really cool.
Cue immediate freak out.
I'm 22 years old, i've never been kissed, never had a 'real' boyfriend. The only date i have ever been on... was a double date and i was still freaking out. Ok... see... he didn't come out and say he's 'interested' and we never spoke about whether i was single or not... and...
See... i'm panicking and nothing has even HAPPENED!
I spend my life on the internet and completely freak out in social setting... i'm just... i don't know how to act! I'm the girl who's happy to laugh and be sociable with one or two close friends but clams up as soon as the group grows. I'll sit there in silence and speak when spoken to and not try to take the stage if you get me.
I guess i just don't do well in groups and i'm VERY awkward when it comes to guys because i just... don't know what to say. I suppose it doesn't help that i never had boyfriend's in school who i could practice socialising with.
I had a couple of guy friends but they were guys who i would never date you know? As soon as a guy showed interest in me i was heading for the hills! Talk about total freak out!
ARGH listen to me rambling! I've got butterflies and i've got fight or flight going on! This is ridiculous, i'm not outgoing enough for this! I just got through detailing all the reasons i'm happy being single and don't NEED someone!!!
Whether it was true or not... well... i don't THINK i need someone... but everyone seems to think i do... argh now i'm in freak out mode!
Right... breathe...in...out...in...out...in...out...
I'm going to Europe in September, on a tour... by myself. I'm nervous about meeting new people but i'm sure there are others just as nervous as i am. That's fine, i'm actually more nervous about the official stuff in the airport and the flight then i am about meeting the others on the tour.
This is me proving i don't need someone with me to have fun... while seeing places i want to see. I've... never been one of those girls who needs a guy there to be happy. I have friends like that and they both have gone through a lot of miserable times because of it. I'm... quite honestly... more likely to bury myself in fantasy then worry about whether or not i have a boyfriend.
I feel like i'm trying to justify myself. Just shows how odd i am huh? OK... i've calmed down some...
Right... what the hell do i do?