(no subject)
I listened to too much Iron and Wine and then watched Amelie. My brain is in a very weird spot. I felt like crying, and then my friend sent me a text saying she started the birdy mobil she I inspired her to make for me. We are trading art! That made me smile, but now I'm all nostalgic and thinking about the lessons from that wonderful movie. I feel like some wine. But fear what will happen half way into the bottle. Especially with the information I hold. I feel very, very bipolar today. Matches the weather at least. I almost want to take the bong up to Mary's Peak and sit in the rainy dark and watch the few stars that poke through stormy skies. But it's 9 o'clock already. And I know I won't. I just...wish. Things, were. Different. Certain things. Not everything. I'm just. Stuck. In this mental spot. Like a loop. I keep looking about at that bag. Remembering the coat. And the intoxicating perfume and sweat seeped into the fibers. And that feeling. It's the exact same. Only with mild layer of sophistication added on top. I couldn't smell you on the bag. Unlike the coat, I doubt your sweat had the opportunity to soak into the cloth. The more I dwell the more I get confused. And sink deeper into this unhealthy obsession. It's not really an obsession. It's unfinished business that has driven me insane for two weeks. The record spins in my head as I try to make sense of it all, ponder out the pieces of your logic. But it's lost in egotistical assessments and outlandish fantasies. It will never be sense to me looking with eyes of logic. And I am too afraid to putter through that tangle with emotion. I've tried to sort that mess out. But I hold back true revelations. I lie to myself. I hide from my own prying eyeballs turned inward. I type bullshit livejournal entries to avoid duty. I'm going to go get drenched in the rain and come back and do the bikram sequence...