The Laws of Produce
In no order, made by me.
~If they are new, they are dumb
~If it is late, it will show up Saturday, and be gone by Sunday
~If it is mouldy YOU WILL TOUCH IT!
~If one in box is bad, check whole box, then dump
~You think that smells bad? Check the wet compactor
~If it is cold, it will find a way to make you cold
~If the wrapper doesn't work don't try try again
~If it can be squished, it will be
~If it can make a big ass mess it shall
~If it can't make a mess, they'll find a way to make it make a mess
~The famous answer is 'the baking isle'
~No, you don't have anymore fresh produce at ten minutes before closing
~If the gloves fit, you've got really big hands
~If it was once clean, it will now be dirty
~Grapes are squishy, when squished they are slippery, go around the grapes.
~If it can leak, chances are it will
~If it leaks, it won't be fixed, not can't...But won't
~If you're really busy you will have put-aways
~If it is outside on a hill, chances are its watermelon and you'll have to bring it in
~You may think that there is no bad fruit on that table, but they will find it
~Managers always know when you slack
~If it is tastable at the present moment, chances are it will be tasted
~If it rolls squish it so it can't roll while you sweep
~If it can't be squished, its an apple/hard thing
~Dairy always will blame you
~The bakery is the hardest section to find, yet it smells the best.
~Reciving is insane, do not disturb the insane people
~Night crew is ten times worse, they bite
~If it can run you over, it will, fifty times over
~The plastic sheet door will try to decapitate you, at all costs avoid keeping it closed while you are near it
~Just because it looks fresh doesn't mean it is
~The ice is cold, use caution when grabbing it
~If it can spalsh up into your shirt somehow, it shall.
~If you are female and this happens you will get vegetables in your bra, be prepared to throw something at your surpervisor.
~If he's not a prick he's gay
~If he's not gay he's trying to get you to go to the cooler and have sex
~If its breakable it shall break...When you have to clean cooler
~If its out of stock, everyone wants one
~If its in stock it'll never sell
~If it is packaged it will hit the floor, and make a big mess
~If there are eggs in your isles don't ask questions
~General services NEVER clean up produce, do not call them in for back up
~One for all and all for themselves
~Taste testing is not allowed
~If you think your uniform can't get worse, just wait till the next promotion.
Can't think of others ^.^ blah day at work, bored and had free time while training new guy to close GOD so slow i was late geting home~sob~.
~If they are new, they are dumb
~If it is late, it will show up Saturday, and be gone by Sunday
~If it is mouldy YOU WILL TOUCH IT!
~If one in box is bad, check whole box, then dump
~You think that smells bad? Check the wet compactor
~If it is cold, it will find a way to make you cold
~If the wrapper doesn't work don't try try again
~If it can be squished, it will be
~If it can make a big ass mess it shall
~If it can't make a mess, they'll find a way to make it make a mess
~The famous answer is 'the baking isle'
~No, you don't have anymore fresh produce at ten minutes before closing
~If the gloves fit, you've got really big hands
~If it was once clean, it will now be dirty
~Grapes are squishy, when squished they are slippery, go around the grapes.
~If it can leak, chances are it will
~If it leaks, it won't be fixed, not can't...But won't
~If you're really busy you will have put-aways
~If it is outside on a hill, chances are its watermelon and you'll have to bring it in
~You may think that there is no bad fruit on that table, but they will find it
~Managers always know when you slack
~If it is tastable at the present moment, chances are it will be tasted
~If it rolls squish it so it can't roll while you sweep
~If it can't be squished, its an apple/hard thing
~Dairy always will blame you
~The bakery is the hardest section to find, yet it smells the best.
~Reciving is insane, do not disturb the insane people
~Night crew is ten times worse, they bite
~If it can run you over, it will, fifty times over
~The plastic sheet door will try to decapitate you, at all costs avoid keeping it closed while you are near it
~Just because it looks fresh doesn't mean it is
~The ice is cold, use caution when grabbing it
~If it can spalsh up into your shirt somehow, it shall.
~If you are female and this happens you will get vegetables in your bra, be prepared to throw something at your surpervisor.
~If he's not a prick he's gay
~If he's not gay he's trying to get you to go to the cooler and have sex
~If its breakable it shall break...When you have to clean cooler
~If its out of stock, everyone wants one
~If its in stock it'll never sell
~If it is packaged it will hit the floor, and make a big mess
~If there are eggs in your isles don't ask questions
~General services NEVER clean up produce, do not call them in for back up
~One for all and all for themselves
~Taste testing is not allowed
~If you think your uniform can't get worse, just wait till the next promotion.
Can't think of others ^.^ blah day at work, bored and had free time while training new guy to close GOD so slow i was late geting home~sob~.