Tyrant Destroyed by General's Hand

[mysteryfigurex]

By Mystery Banner journalist, JLast night, the renowned general, Spring, and the ruling tyrant queen, Winter, fought a cataclysmic battle over the sky. Though Winter put up a valiant stand, Spring was able to deliver a fatal blow, shattering Winter into trillions of tiny shards

Comments

[pepsicolagurl]

Also known as...an exercise to see how many big words you can cram into three short paragraphs.

Too pretentious. But amusing nonetheless.

[mysteryfigurex]

Or an exercise in early 20th century journalism.

Very pretentious. Very amusing to attempt. I suppose I shall have to work on my technique though, if it wasn't recognized. There's always next time!

[pepsicolagurl]

What I meant by too pretentious: (It also falls into the big words thing.) It's difficult to read. For one thing, it doesn't seem to naturally flow when you read the words in your head. More often than not, you're stumbling over something like "valiant" when your logical mind knows that it could have been very easily cut out and replaced by a simple, every day word. It's like you're trying to hard to make it sound smart and grab one's attention, but it seems to have the opposite affect.

Essentially, when I read it the first time, it was "Read through the first two lines...big word...big word...big word...okay, commence scanning and not reading".

I hate stuff where it sounds like you're trying too hard. It's too unnatural.

Just my view of it. Others may disagree. Work on the basic idea before sounding like you swallowed a thesaurus. Don't try so hard, let it flow naturally without trying to reach for a certain word. It makes life and writing so much easier.

[amethest]

That would, I dunno, be what a lot of science-y, or historical treaties that he's trying to parody sound like.

I didn't trip over valiant or anything else...then again, those words are common and everyday to me.

[pepsicolagurl]

I have been known to use the word myself. However, reading it from a normal every-day reader's point of view (and I'm talking the ones that sometimes glance at a newspaper, sometimes pick up a book if there's nothing better to do), there's a lot of larger words there that are usually only found in science-fiction, fantasy novels or the dictionary.

When was the last time someone used the word "cataclysmic" in every day conversation? "Oh, my husband and I got into this terribly cataclysmic fight the other night, I just couldn't believe it!" No.

I was also reading it from the viewpoint of someone that reads something like the Province daily. Cataclysmic, valiant...those words you would be hard pressed to find outside of the daily crossword.

It's too poetic, I guess is the word I'm looking for, for it to be considered a piece of newspaper-y journalism. By today's standards.

Fuck, now I'm starting to sound pretentious. I'll just take my ass over into the corner here and wait until I'm less pretentious.

[mysteryfigurex]

"By today's standards"