(no subject)
For the past two months our company has not seen a single week go by in which one or more of our employees has not called in sick, or called in with a sick family member, or called in because they shut their hand in the car door on Halloween night and had to go to the hospital for x-rays. Drinking and driving are non-mixy things in more ways than one, kids.
As a result of the excessive absences, Boss Dude has decided that we are going to be playing the resume game at work again. Needless to say, for the past two weeks I've had to field phone calls from people who are too effing obtuse to realize that they aren't remotely qualified to fill the position they're calling about. Currently, I am a giant ball of Stress and Rage.
I've been inundated by resumes from every dim-witted chump who has perused the Trades section of the Journal. They can read the advertisement and yet they completely fail at comprehending what it is that they're reading. I think they just see the phone numbers and call them at random in the hope that one of the numbers will miraculously yield a job.
I've received resumes that are a single sad little page containing no information whatsoever about what their skills and/or knowledge base is, and five page essays going all the way back to their freshmen year of high school.
I'm sorry, but I could give a hairy pig ass if you were a Gunners Mate on the USS Hayler in September of 1993. Did you learn anything about fiber optic or UTP communications cabling while sailing on the high seas? No? THEN IT'S NOT RELEVANT TO THIS JOB, SIR. Perhaps you should go back to operating a 5 inch 54 forward gun mount, or possibly folding napkins for the buffet tables at the Hyatt.
Also, this little piece of Fail made my eyes go all squinty:
Professional Efficiencies
* Adapting quality with the changing need.
* Efficient in accomplishing the relentless/non stop work.
* Ability to yield the expected result.
I was expecting that by the end of your resume you would have demonstrated that you know how to terminate a Category 6 cable into a patch panel. You failed to yield that result. Please go away and never come back.
I think this recent group of applicants is making me more hostile and bitter than usual. Perhaps I need to adapt quality with the changing need and accomplish some of this relentless/non stop work. Or maybe I just need to start drinking martinis while I have to deal with these people.
~
As a result of the excessive absences, Boss Dude has decided that we are going to be playing the resume game at work again. Needless to say, for the past two weeks I've had to field phone calls from people who are too effing obtuse to realize that they aren't remotely qualified to fill the position they're calling about. Currently, I am a giant ball of Stress and Rage.
I've been inundated by resumes from every dim-witted chump who has perused the Trades section of the Journal. They can read the advertisement and yet they completely fail at comprehending what it is that they're reading. I think they just see the phone numbers and call them at random in the hope that one of the numbers will miraculously yield a job.
I've received resumes that are a single sad little page containing no information whatsoever about what their skills and/or knowledge base is, and five page essays going all the way back to their freshmen year of high school.
I'm sorry, but I could give a hairy pig ass if you were a Gunners Mate on the USS Hayler in September of 1993. Did you learn anything about fiber optic or UTP communications cabling while sailing on the high seas? No? THEN IT'S NOT RELEVANT TO THIS JOB, SIR. Perhaps you should go back to operating a 5 inch 54 forward gun mount, or possibly folding napkins for the buffet tables at the Hyatt.
Also, this little piece of Fail made my eyes go all squinty:
Professional Efficiencies
* Adapting quality with the changing need.
* Efficient in accomplishing the relentless/non stop work.
* Ability to yield the expected result.
I was expecting that by the end of your resume you would have demonstrated that you know how to terminate a Category 6 cable into a patch panel. You failed to yield that result. Please go away and never come back.
I think this recent group of applicants is making me more hostile and bitter than usual. Perhaps I need to adapt quality with the changing need and accomplish some of this relentless/non stop work. Or maybe I just need to start drinking martinis while I have to deal with these people.
~