(no subject)
People never take me seriously, and I wonder what I did to earn this reputation. Previously, when I lived in California, I was known as the intelligent girl. (You might even consider me the Jon Stevens back then), but somewhere between pulling off my “bad ass” attitude (mainly so the kids out here wouldn’t copy my work; I mean, hey who wants to copy the slacker new kid in the back. Even though that “slacker, new-kid” probably got the highest score in the class) and being the class clown, I lost all respect and confidence from my peers. Yes, I admit I tend to joke and laugh my way through most of my life, and I definitely dummy myself down so that people will like me more, but I suppose I just didn’t realize how much I had really dummied myself down to. Now when I write something witty or amusing, people think “this couldn’t possibly be Eileen’s work, she must have had her magical, invisible, personal, essay-writing, genius write it for her.” But you know, even though that is self-degrading and spits on my self-esteem, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because I am that fucking insecure.