a thought
So, today I went to the dentist to talk with a dentist surgeon about the very complicated and painful surgery I will have to have.
It involves getting a tooth out of somehwere in my upper jaw and placing an implant where my right fang tooth s supposed to be (said fang tooth is the one currently stuck in the middle of my gum. Yes, gross, I know)
I am ( Read more... )
Well, it turned out that this tendency is a sort of 'silent rebellion' against my grandparents and mother always telling me what I was supposed to want, feel and ,ultimately, BE.
A huge part of our issues is family-related. The genetic part, I'm not sure about. Not sure at all actually, but then I'm naturally prone to skepticism.
I really understand what you mean by saying a large part of me just wants to lose as much as humanly possible in the next few weeks, just so that they see that I look different to the last time they saw me .
We were tricked into believing that we couldn't ever be loved for what we were, that we always had to demonstrate something, that we had to earn the affection and work hard for it. I wish I had realized it earlier, so that my so-called 'silent rebellion' would have come when I was much younger and still had a lot to save, and perhaps itit would have been a little louder too, when old age hadn't made my grandparents' consciences completely deaf yet.
Now, I just feel like a wreck, totally helpless and out of control.
And dear, you're not ridiculous. THEY're fuckin'ridiculous. And so dense I would pity them if what you said didn't make me so enraged.
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