(no subject)
so it finally happened: i have been asked to evacuate my living quarters. i spent two nights at the swamphouse and when i got back they asked me if i had somewhere else to go. i said yes and rambled off a thank you for their generous hospitality. i don't know what i am going to do. i am under the impression that i might be allowed in WHOVPs bed in i am good [or naughty depending]. until then maybe the swamphouse 5 days, tesc woods, i don't know if i could stay in WHOVPs waiting room until she returns. i don't know. i called her when i was upset and trying to figure out what to do. it wasn't fair to her to only call when i have problems. well i was ok for our conversation yesterday. i even got a fucking aim identity in order to talk to her. lameboy[ce] was unacceptable. boooourns. i did not eat yesterday and have not yet today. but since i am leaving i will eat a few cached canned goods. some chili perhaps. so, in order to obtain my required daily calorie intake, i drank like a fish. and smoked some pot. and became sick. and vomited. and went to sleep soon after. hence no entry yesterday. i think i am going to have chili and refried beans and corn chips. that's about all i have left. i have to pack. i have to sleep. i need a cigarette. just one cigarette. or 100. or 1000000. i posssess qualities of self-destruction. the television remote appears to be missing. i wounder if one of them hid it to persuade me out. i got a dirty look when i asked to use the internet as well. i already agreed to quietly leave tomorrow, so can i not allow my friends to know my situation? is it poor manners to take my tea with me when i leave? i didn't use their tea or anything. i want sushi or steak served blue, which i am told is less than rare. i want to sleep as opposed to paying attention to myself. it dosen't need to be in quotes anymore: it's understood. i want to see the ground give way. my stomach hurts with food in it. worse than without. i have to make some tea. if i wrote lyrics would WHOVP make songs? "so i met these two gutterpunks on the street the other day. they said to me 'one of us will become a famous sell-out-poppy-artist of some medium and the other will never become seen in the eye of the public. which fate is more sad and pathetic?' 'it is the fate of the sell out of course' i said. 'the other unnameable gutterpunk will have regret for his actions and die in a few years, while you will have regret three fold for three fold. but it does not matter for none of us have any dignity. we will all get ours.' i walked away and shaved my face that evening." what about that? i'll work on it. how long should they be. any meter in particular? any structure at all? i prefer blank verse. i am weak. i hate choruses. when a song is written about me i should not have a chorus. even though i am repetitive, i don't want to be reminded of it. i have been avoiding the submission of people's names in this. i am not sure why, some sort of integrity. anyone reading this probably already knows my identity, but ASHLEE66 had to make sure of it. why don't you just tell us your name and show us a picture of what you look like. [too late]. so WHOVP called me on being sarcastic and condescending. i have been dubbed this before and all that i can say is sorry: i am lame. i have been conditioned to be this way from my father, who has low self esteem and those same traits. i have admittedly followed in his scared footsteps. i am not feeling perverted tonight, and not too well humoured, and acidic. i should get some sleep before i move out. it is exciting to worry about a base-need again. it really is the anticipation that really gets me off. "kill me. i want to die. put a bullet in my heeeeeaaaaad." from adam sandler in the wedding singer after he listened to the cure. he's loosing his mind....and i am reaping all of the benefits! oh how i yearn to be institutionalized. with two days off a month so i could walk in the forrest with WHOVP. and she could scold me for eating birds and decaying animals. maybe i would be forced to wear a protective mask. i would imagine a straight jacket uncomfortable. i would become claustrophobic. i would dig my own padded room though. with a marker. an occasional visitor so that i may lick their eyeball and share soggy animal crackers. ooohhhh last night i got to watch beetle juice. fuckingrockthefuckon! have you seem his early works? vincent and frankenweeinie? vincent was short and pleasant. have you ever seen james and the giant peach? i must have read the book when young, but i have not seen the movie. did you know that darren aronofsky will be directing lone wolf and cub [2004]; flicker [2004]; and watchmen [2005]? he also directed protozoa [1993]; and supermarket sweep [1991], which i have not seen. sad that half of one of my top director's films have not been seen by me. i am not feeling right. i need to pack up and go to sleep. i have a day to reckon with.