May 05, 2012 01:17
I don't trust because I am broken. I don't trust because you are broken; he is broken; she is broken.
I don't trust because I have never been shown an example of Unconditional Love. I don't trust because you were never the one to show it to me. I don't trust because somewhere along the line, the pattern of life has been set for me: they will love you, you will be less than perfect (human, even), and they will, in turn, revoke that love as if it were a privilege you should be proud to carry because you are so undeserving.
I don't trust because you've never taught me how to love myself. I don't trust because I don't believe I am worthy of love. I don't trust because I think that conditional love is the way things are and the way things always will be. I don't trust because you attribute my failures to God being far from me, to me not listening to Him, to me not having faith enough. I don't trust because I have attributed the love you have for me to the love that God has for me. I don't trust because I actually believe that I let God down and disappoint Him.
But I want to trust.
I want to trust because I'm learning that there is Unconditional Love. I want to trust because I know it's possible to show it, to give it, to receive it, to understand it. I want to trust because I believe that I was created to be worthy of being loved by my Creator.
But most of all, I want to trust because I know that you were created to be loved by your Creator. And to me, that's worth living - trusting - for.
reflections,
lesson learned